What's your favourite non-sweary / semi-sweary insult?

[AffIt]

I really enjoy a good creative insult (although don't get me wrong, I also enjoy the huge varieties of ways in which the word 'fuck' can be used in daily life).

As a Scot, I feel we're pretty good at this sort of thing - 'pie' and 'rocket' being two personal favourites. It's amazing how you can make two fairly innocuous words sting just through context / intonation.

What are your favourites?

I like “Shut the front door” instead of “shut the fuck up”

Absolute melt. Say it emphatically!

Semi sweary, but when ‘D’H is performing strategic incompetence I usually declare, loudly, that he couldn’t find his own arse with both hands.

'did you get e a refund?'
'what for?'
'the charm school course - you obviously failed'

'using the f or c words is a sign of a limited vocabulary'

But they don't mean the same thing. 'Shut the front door' is an expression of disbelief.

Mine is from Blackadder: 'The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn’t he?'

My gran used to call people "bladder head". In her strong Scottish accent 😁

Feck

Damn your eyes!

'using the f or c words is a sign of a limited vocabulary'

It really isn't you know. Saying trite stuff like that however - now that's a sign of limited intelligence.

You absolute doughnut.

Said, with great frequency, to my children usually.

"You've got an interest in that, don't you?". Used when someone is keen on a hobby etc. But not particularly good at it.
I have an interest in singing but not good at it :)

Calling someone a Pilchard :-)

I like a variation on you absolute tool/twit/twonk. But I have an abiding love affair with the word fuckwit. Also cunt, it's so very earthy.

Tea towel, or worse, a wet tea towel

I like noxious mushroom. When Mr Bee is being strategically incompetent, then I may occasionally call him a plum.

Twerp
Banana Brain
if you had a brain you’d be dangerous
do you think my head buttons up at the back?
you’d have no luck at all if you didn’t have back luck

Twonk
Spoon
Nitwit
Plonker
Wazzock
Smooth brain
Tool
Plum

Tube. You utter fucking TUBE

Ssssssugar, or sometimes sssugar lumps.

Bawbag

Mine is a direct quote from Monty Python - “Shut your festering gob, you tit.”

Can I check something - twat is bad, right?

My boss uses it regularly - we are a sweary office in general of the fuck / shit / bollocks variety. But I'm not sure twat is a level up from that?! Just wondering if I should intervene before he says it to a client!

Feckless Mendicant.

In fact I feel a name change coming on.

Doughnut or Muppet......you absolute Muppet being my favourite

You absolute flange