What's your favourite non-sweary / semi-sweary insult?

[AffIt]

I really enjoy a good creative insult (although don't get me wrong, I also enjoy the huge varieties of ways in which the word 'fuck' can be used in daily life).

As a Scot, I feel we're pretty good at this sort of thing - 'pie' and 'rocket' being two personal favourites. It's amazing how you can make two fairly innocuous words sting just through context / intonation.

What are your favourites?

I used to say pillock, plonker or numpty if someone had been a bit silly but I'm not sure if those words are seen as being offensive now.
My grandparents used to say 'you daft 'apeth' which I loved but again I'm not sure if you can use that anymore.

I do like 'oh buggery bollocks' if I've done something wrong, stupid, etc but that might not be in the theme of this thread!

Berk - originally derived from cockney rhyming slang for the c word, so you know what you're saying. But it sounds quite gentle now so you can get away with it.

@MandyMotherOfBrian The saying I’ve heard is he couldn’t find his own arse with two hands and a map.

Mine is generally Git!

I prefer to gender match my insults so I would never use c*nt or twat at a male.
I object to the fact that some of the worst insults used by people to insult others is any slang for female genitalia. I’m training myself to say he’s a cock, dick or prick.

Agree I think twat is quite bad, too, but am from the north and think it’s viewed as quite acceptable/mild down south?

Addle-witted twat.
thick as treacle and twice as useless.
cuntpuffin.
wankbadger.
twatmonkey.
Ignorant little man.
Copper-bottomed, gold-plated, 24-carat, ocean-going bastard.
more hot air than the Hindenburg and about as useful in the long run.
couldn’t find his arse with both hands and an atlas.
Horrid little weevil.

ah, that’s better. Where’s my coffee? 😃

You fud.

@Isheabastard

I prefer to gender match my insults so I would never use cnt or twat at a male.*
I object to the fact that some of the worst insults used by people to insult others is any slang for female genitalia. I’m training myself to say he’s a cock, dick or prick.

I'm a big fan of 'arsehole' as a good gender-neutral insult.

@TyneFilth oooh, i like that <blatantly steals>

Absolute salad

I find 'Upstart Crow' to be an excellent source of insults (Ben Elton again).
Bastable is pretty good but there are loads

I LOVE this. 😄

Based purely on reading it, i’ve always wished i was Irish so i could use the term “wagon” effectively.

I'm Scottish too. I also like 'rocket' and 'fud'. No one's ever going to reclaim 'fud'. It is incorruptibly Not a Good Thing to be called a fud.

I also like 'walloper'. It's extremely flexible. It can mean anything from 'you dickhead' to 'that is very large and I am impressed'. Sometimes it means 'penis'. It's all in the context and tone of voice.

You spanner

Okay, 2 questions already -
fud - pronounced fudd or fuud?
rocket - can you give us non-scots an example? I’ve never heard it.

‘Great steaming nincompoop’
‘ignoramus of the highest order’
‘Silly goose’

on the other end of the scale I like to celebrate people with the term ‘whippersnapper’ occasionally but it’s lesser called for in general

Forgot
‘absolute friggin imbecile’

Me too! I'm also fond of "you Numpty"

"were you born that rude/patronizing/ idiotic et, or did you go on a course?"

Pinecone, I don't know why but when I call someone an absolute bloody pinecone it always makes me giggle 😂

In context 'Shut the fuck up' is an expression of disbelief. Shut the front door is just a non-sweary version.

Mine is "It's impossible to underestimate you"

Always rather liked the term 'clot' prefixed by total, complete, or utter.

I use object, bellend, fud and asshole a lot. Also Scottish.

The saying I’ve heard is he couldn’t find his own arse with two hands and a map.

Both hands, a colour diagram and a heat-seeking probe.