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Original poster

What's your favourite non-sweary / semi-sweary insult?

117 replies

AffIt · 15/03/2023 12:00

I really enjoy a good creative insult (although don't get me wrong, I also enjoy the huge varieties of ways in which the word 'fuck' can be used in daily life).

As a Scot, I feel we're pretty good at this sort of thing - 'pie' and 'rocket' being two personal favourites. It's amazing how you can make two fairly innocuous words sting just through context / intonation.

What are your favourites?

OP posts:
IaltagDhubh · 15/03/2023 13:16

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This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

JetPlanesMeetingInTheAir2BRefuelled · 15/03/2023 13:16

We like Berk as a catch all.

Stop berking about
You silly old berk
He's a right berk

Apparently it means the C word, because Berkshire Hunt = cunt, but it doesn't really round here.

IaltagDhubh · 15/03/2023 13:19

Ooh, I got hidden. Didn’t know MN did that. Fair enough! I didn’t bother to censor any words. If my post gets unhidden, then it will will prove my point. If not, then it will look like I said something hugely offensive, which I really didn’t!

Runningoncoffeealone · 15/03/2023 13:20

The specific thing is really tall men strangers commenting on my height and feeling like they just have

iwannascream · 15/03/2023 13:20

I use "who put 50p in the dickhead" when someone is giving it all blah blah blah, use fud, rocket, bawheid. I also use fuck, shit and cunt a lot, yes I know its not big nor clever, but sometimes you just need to use the word with a heavy accent and power to make them aware that they need to shut up and back away quickly 😂

Runningoncoffeealone · 15/03/2023 13:21

Runningoncoffeealone · 15/03/2023 13:20

The specific thing is really tall men strangers commenting on my height and feeling like they just have

to tell me that I'm short. I love responding with mock surprise in my face and going "Really? Please, tell me more!"

My Grandma used to call people she didn't particularly like a midden/middin and it always made me chuckle.

ÉireannachÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ · 15/03/2023 13:22

Go dtachtar le d’anáil thú
(That you may choke on your breath)

SignOnTheWindow · 15/03/2023 13:29

IAmcuriousyellow · 15/03/2023 12:24

Tube. You utter fucking TUBE

Love this and am definitely going to nick it. It sounds so much ruder than it is (even without the 'fucking').

YourSpleenIsDamp · 15/03/2023 13:30

I call the DC wazzocks a lot Grin

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 15/03/2023 13:30

girlwhowearsglasses · 15/03/2023 12:56

I find 'Upstart Crow' to be an excellent source of insults (Ben Elton again).
Bastable is pretty good but there are loads

YES! I love "bumshank".

REP22 · 15/03/2023 13:30

"You plum". Often addressed to the dog.

A particular favourite is an early Richard Curtis line (from The Tall Guy):
"I hope all of your children have very tiny dicks! And that INCLUDES the girls!"

doris9034 · 15/03/2023 13:32

we were discussing this at work once..... unfortunately my declaration of "I love cock" came at a particularly quiet moment in the office 😱

SignOnTheWindow · 15/03/2023 13:32

BlueMoonCity · 15/03/2023 13:05

Pinecone, I don't know why but when I call someone an absolute bloody pinecone it always makes me giggle 😂

That made me spit my tea out! Pinecone - it's weirdly hilarious 😂

ÉireannachÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ · 15/03/2023 13:33

doris9034 · 15/03/2023 13:32

we were discussing this at work once..... unfortunately my declaration of "I love cock" came at a particularly quiet moment in the office 😱

Bless ya heart lol

SignOnTheWindow · 15/03/2023 13:33

Prannock.

IBelieveInAThingCalledScience · 15/03/2023 13:38

DC get called "dim-dot"

lmnabc · 15/03/2023 13:45

Fuckwit is my current favourite especially when applied to other drivers on the road Grin

catinboooots · 15/03/2023 13:47

Pastie

Yep - spelt that way

Whatdoesitmatterif · 15/03/2023 13:50

Wet wipe.

evtheria · 15/03/2023 13:53

Turnip ('He's an absolute TURNIP')
Fool of a Took (this must be muttered)

And I use dickhead but that's still sweary

REP22 · 15/03/2023 13:53

Cockwomble and Knobjockey have also served well in the past.

SinnerBoy · 15/03/2023 13:57

neverendinglauaundry · Today 12:23

Spoon

A favourite of mine, too. And Spanner.

FairlyOddmother · 15/03/2023 13:58

I was hoping for a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed

WildRosie · 15/03/2023 14:01

Nincompoop, nitwit and numskull. Instead of 'WTF' I say What the trumpet? or What the Murgatroyd? Don't ask me to explain these two - I can't!

Knullrufs · 15/03/2023 14:02

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 15/03/2023 13:00

Okay, 2 questions already -
fud - pronounced fudd or fuud?
rocket - can you give us non-scots an example? I’ve never heard it.

Fud — short u, hard d. Rhymes with mud. Although it can vary a little depending on dialect (and on how much expostulation is put behind it). You'd hear it slightly differently if a Glaswegian said it versus an Aberdonian, for example.

Hm equivalent of rocket would be idiot, dickhead, nob, fool, that kind of thing. Although IME rocket can be used in semi-affectionate way.

It can also mean 'crazy'.