What's your favourite non-sweary / semi-sweary insult?

[AffIt]

I really enjoy a good creative insult (although don't get me wrong, I also enjoy the huge varieties of ways in which the word 'fuck' can be used in daily life).

As a Scot, I feel we're pretty good at this sort of thing - 'pie' and 'rocket' being two personal favourites. It's amazing how you can make two fairly innocuous words sting just through context / intonation.

What are your favourites?

'He was a total clown'...no swears required

'You absolute plank' As in thick as a plank of wood.

Gobshite.

I love insults that don't even require a swear

Nob jockey is surprisingly satisfying

Bucket or boot to mean ugly
Drip or wet wipe to mean wimp

You cant fix stupid

I enjoy the Scottish 'weapon' which I'm sure is short for 'weapon's grade idiot'. I'm not Scottish so don't use it, it just doesn't sound right

DS3 who is 11 came up with Penisbag as an insult today. It doesn't have any swears in it ( like knobhead or dickhead ). I don't actually mind my kids swearing, so long as it's not at someone and they exercise caution around people that wouldn't like it, but they're ever so demure!

I live in Liverpool but I'm not from here, my faves are meff, sweat and balloonhead.

Python: I fart in your general direction

Two from my dear late MIL:

Sackless: literally innocent, but intended in the sense of being culpably a numpty who really should know better. It's rarely a temporary condition, more a character defect.

Glipe: generally disparaging type - idiot. Usually teamed up with lazy, as in Lazy glipe. Can be affectionate.

My mum always called us wazzocks and my dad called us ninckenpoops (I don’t think he realises til this day it’s nincompoop) or numpties.

My own children are lemons/doughnuts.
Stupid members of the public are absolute donkeys.

I haven't heard someone being called a glake for years. It was common when I was at school, from kids to grandparents.

For someone making a massive fuss over something trivial:

Ee, mammy's bairn!

You MUUUUUUUGGGG
Jog on
What a melt
Utterly wet and a weed

Fanny
Bawbag
Bag of dicks

Are you sure? I could have sworn this line features in the film "Roxanne", and is said by Steve Martin's Cyrano de Bergerac-like character, predating The Tall Guy.

I love a good 'tosser' or 'wankshaft' myself.

Definitely said by Dexter (Jeff Goldblum) in The Tall Guy. Don't recall it in Roxanne (the scene when Steve Martin's C.D. is insulting the rude guy in the bar), but I might be wrong. I often am.

Tosser quite like this one

No you're right. I remember Jeff Goldblum saying it now... think I'd created a false memory there!

It is a really good line, though, very funny!

I don't feel it's that bad.
But some people do 🤷🏻‍♀️