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Original poster

What age would you let your child attend funeral

111 replies

88Pandora88 · 13/03/2023 06:29

Genuine question.
My eldest DD is 8 and a half.
My grandad passed yesterday, I remember when my other grandad passed I was 7 and wasn't given the option about attending funeral ceremony or the wake afterwards, I was just told no and went to school for the day.

I spoke with her yesterday when I returned from hospital, she was obviously upset and we had cuddles and I briefly just explained how he was poorly and he was quite old (late 80s)

Genuine question, how old is old enough /or how young is too young in your eyes to attend ceremony and/or the wake.

OP posts:
Newuser82 · 13/03/2023 06:31

We took my son to my dads funeral when he was the same age. He wanted to go. He was obviously a bit upset at the funeral but was pleased that he had gone. I'm sorry for your loss.

jb23newmum · 13/03/2023 06:31

My daughter was 8 when her grandad passed away - I gave both children (11 & 8 ) at the time the choice - even to the point of changing their minds on the day . My youngest is quite sensitive so did get very upset but was glad she went

shamoola · 13/03/2023 06:32

From birth.

Zigazagah · 13/03/2023 06:34

For me, as long as the child is not a baby or won’t distract you too much they are old enough. I would absolutely encourage dd to go, especially as it is the funeral of a presumably older person where death is naturally expected.
My dd and ds attended a similar funeral at 7 and 5. I do feel that death is part of life and that it’s important we talk about it as such, and that it’s ok to see adults sad and be sad too.
At another family funeral they read prayers at 8 and 10.
it’s only you who can decide as you know your child best

Knullrufs · 13/03/2023 06:35

Any age. Funerals have an important communal/societal function for a group of people, and children are part of that.

WineWithAView · 13/03/2023 06:37

I think 8 is fine for a funeral if she wants to go.

I took my 9 year old to my Aunt's funeral recently. He wasn't very close to my Aunt, but he is close to other family members who were there. My reasoning for taking him was that I felt he got to experience a funeral and what happens, and also see people he is close to upset, without being too emotionally devastated himself.

It gave us a chance to talk about death and the emotions around death, and also the practicalities of what happens at a funeral (my DC like to know every tiny detail of upcoming events) without it being someone he was really close to.

It was still hard for him, but I'm glad I took him.

GunsNShips · 13/03/2023 06:37

My two DDs attended the funeral of their granny (my MIL) when they were 4 & 7 months old. My dad came to take the baby out in case she started to cry. We felt it was important the 4yo got to say goodbye as they were close.

BT11 · 13/03/2023 06:46

My grandad passed a month yesterday.

I was there with my 7 week old. There was plenty of children of all ages there.

This was in Ireland also so it was open casket to begin with and wasn't a problem at all.

I would give them the option and see how they feel.

Sorry for your loss OP 💐

WinterMusings · 13/03/2023 06:50

From birth for family.

smellyflowers · 13/03/2023 06:51

Up to 1 and then not until about 4/5 dependant on if they can sit still

DinosApple · 13/03/2023 06:51

Sorry for your loss.

DD2 was about that age and came to MIL's funeral. DD1 was a little older at 10.

We were all close to MIL and DC saw a lot more of her decline than in ordinary circumstances.
Mil died of Covid in a care home during lockdown. She was on the ground floor so we (BIL,DH,DC and I) were 'with' her outside her open window for a week in May 2020. (And we considered ourselves lucky to have been able to do that.)

I was very clear to DC about what to expect at her funeral, what people would say, that people may cry and that's ok etc.

Due to lockdown there was about 10-15 people there but no wake allowed. I explained there was usually a gathering afterwards.

Tbh if it hadn't have been lockdown DC'd have still come. They managed really well all things considered.

PermanentTemporary · 13/03/2023 06:52

About 5? Probably year 1 sort of age - old enough to go through the service without shouting out or crying, even if it takes a lot of input for them to do that.

Younger ones I'd take to the wake.

vdbfamily · 13/03/2023 06:52

My kids have attended funerals since they were born. As long as they are not being disruptive it is important that children get to see the circle of life and experience the ceremonies that go with death. They will probably hear stories they never knew too.

Twizbe · 13/03/2023 06:53

Any age, dependant on the child.

My daughter came with me to a funeral when she was 6 months old (EBF so no choice really)

We've had a couple of funerals since and we've not taken the kids. We didn't feel it was right for them. They weren't close to the people and likely wouldn't have really understood what was happening.

I would take them to one where they had a connection to the person.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 13/03/2023 06:54

Any age if they want to go.

PinkyBlossom · 13/03/2023 06:54

My 3.5 recently went to the ‘farewell party’ (wake) for her great grandmother. I’d say it’s whenever you feel is right for the child.

SpringIntoChaos · 13/03/2023 06:54

As others have said, from birth. Funerals are not scary (even with people crying) and should be normalised for children. They'll take their cues from you. It's ok to cry...tell them that there will be tears and why this is ok.

I really don't understand the angst around children and funerals.

Marblessolveeverything · 13/03/2023 06:55

I'm Irish the question just doesn't arise as everyone goes from birth.

BooksAndHooks · 13/03/2023 06:56

All children in our family have attended close family funerals. There is no minimum age. As long as they won’t disrupt the service. I strongly believe in making death part or normal life and not a huge taboo, it’s important children get to see what happens at funerals and not left to just imagine the worst.

GCWorkNightmare · 13/03/2023 06:56

Depends on the child. DD attended her first funeral at 6 months. A great-grandparent. I was encouraged to bring her.

I think she was about 4 at another great-grandparent’s funeral (a real celebration of life where the children were welcomed and wore party clothes) and 7 at her favourite great-grandparent’s funeral. Her last great-grandparent died last week and she will be going to their funeral at the end of the month. (She’s now 12.)

I was kept away from the funeral of a sibling (I was 3) - he was never spoken about either and it caused me real issues with death and grief. Death is part of life so we have tried to help DD to have as healthy a relationship with it as possible. She gets sad about the relatives she lost, but they all
loved long and fruitful lives and died peacefully in their homes with family members near, which is such a blessing.

CalistoNoSolo · 13/03/2023 06:57

There shouldn't be a lower limit, as long as the child can behave during the actual funeral. I think it's very unhelpful to the child to not be allowed to the funeral of a relative. What are people trying to shield them from? But then I'm also always bemused by the parents that lie about pets dying. No they haven't gone to live somewhere else, they are dead, that's how it goes, dealing with it is an important life lesson.

BridieConvert · 13/03/2023 07:13

I was 8 when I went to my grandad's funeral. I went to the service rooms but not the crematorium. My cousin took me for an ice cream and then we went to the wake.

LesserBohemians · 13/03/2023 07:30

DS has been attending funerals since babyhood.

AbsoIutelyLovely · 13/03/2023 07:32

Take them. I don’t get the squeamishness to be honest. My kids went to my mums funeral and they were glad they did, they felt comforted by going. Aged 8&9

Nimbostratus100 · 13/03/2023 07:36

I agree from birth, with some provisos

It is not always the best thing for a young child to attend the funeral of a sibling, because parents may be inhibited in grieving, or children can become traumatised at seeing parents deeply distressed.

It depends on the family, obviously