What age would you let your child attend funeral

[88Pandora88]

Genuine question.
My eldest DD is 8 and a half.
My grandad passed yesterday, I remember when my other grandad passed I was 7 and wasn't given the option about attending funeral ceremony or the wake afterwards, I was just told no and went to school for the day.

I spoke with her yesterday when I returned from hospital, she was obviously upset and we had cuddles and I briefly just explained how he was poorly and he was quite old (late 80s)

Genuine question, how old is old enough /or how young is too young in your eyes to attend ceremony and/or the wake.

Thanks for all your replies and well wishes. I'll wait until arrangements are made and ask my eldest, my youngest is 3 and no way I could take her to the funeral, she doesn't stop chattering or fidgeting for 2 seconds 🙈
Thanks againxx

I took Dts at 2 to their great granny's funeral, but we stayed in the crying room as they were constant tornadoes. Fortunately we haven't had to attend any more funerals until last year when they were ten for their grandad and they very much wanted to go.

My family is Irish and it's very much the norm for kids to be at funerals from birth. Dhs English family area lot more reticent.

If a child is part of the family, old enough to sit still and be respectful for half an hour or whatever the length of the service, and crucually, they WANT to come, then they should come.
If they're going to make noise, run around or need to sit and play on their iPad to stop them doing these things, then no.

I took my children to their dad's funeral aged 9 and 4. Obviously it was ghastly in many ways but they really felt the love of their extended family and gained comfort and support, and a small step along the way in processing what had happened.

Our DC have attended all family funerals from being very young. And have attended weddings and christenings too. It is all part of life.

Most of the funerals were for very old relatives so the deaths were not unexpected.

Why hide them from the grieving process? My DDs were 4 and 7 when my father died and they came to the funeral. Death is a part of life.

As long as you explain what will be happening and that adults will feel very sad and cry but that's completely normal for a funeral then, IMO, they should come.

My DD7 went to two funerals sadly last year aged 6. Her Grandad and Great-Aunt. I think it's important that children are part of the communal ritual of saying goodbye to people that are important to them. I did ask her though and if she didn't want to go would have made alternative arrangements.

When my mother died, my intention in not taking DD to the funeral was not to "hide her" from it, but because I was in no fit state to be parenting her and I wanted to listen to the service rather than running around after her.

I’d say what feels right for your child and you. Don’t exclude them if they really want to go, but don’t force if they want to opt out.
Im sorry for your loss. A first funeral experience is probably easier for a child when you can explain the person was elderly, had enjoyed a good long life and so on.

Sorry to read of your loss, think you have made a sensible decision.

In general my view would depend on who the person who had died was. I'd say a younger age for someone such as a grandparent than say a family friend.

Family funerals I would have been prepared to take him from birth. He actually went to my granny's funeral aged 6. I'm very pro involving kids in the whole death process. I think its positive for children to be involved.

Sorry for your loss. My DC went to their grandma's (my MIL's) funeral last year, aged 6 and 9. They're glad they went.

Depends on other circumstances tbh. When DH's dad died our children were 6 and 8 and well capable of attending. But the funeral was hundreds of.Miles away during term time and we had the offer of good childcare (effectively a two night sleepover) from good friends with similar age children. So that's what we did, and went alone.

To add, they've attended subsequent funerals - even reading eulogies as young adults. And don't appear to be scarred by. It having gone to that earlier funeral

Depends on a lot of things - their behaviour, how sensitive they are, whether they want to go or not, whether you / other family members would feel free to grieve in front of them.

Some parents (not suggesting you fall into this category OP) seem to think the primary function of a funeral is to be a valuable learning experience for their children and treat them like some sort of educational play. They aren't.

From birth really. This squeemishness about death, and the idea that children need to be shielded from it, isn't universal. In a lot of cultures a funeral is a community event, and as such all ages are welcome. It wouldn't even occur to me not to bring a child to a funeral.

From birth. I honestly do not understand why this is even a question. Death needs to be normalised. Saying goodbye is so important. Denying a child that opportunity to share the coming together at a funeral is actually rather unkind.

I brought my 18 month old. I would not exclude children from funerals at all.

Any age is fine. You need to prepare them in advance explaining what to expect but otherwise i would always recommend you let them decide until about 7 or 8, older they should come

By the time mine were 8 they were attending them fairly regularly in a professional capacity as choristers, this actually helped when we lost relatives.

Any age.

Funerals are part of the normal circle of life and death and not something to hide children away from.

If you had a screaming 2 year old you might take them outside for the service so not to disturb the other attendees. The wake etc would still be suitable.

An 8 year old should be at their grandfather's funeral IMO.

Any age is appropriate if you think it is. It all depends.

Obviously you don't want a toddler spoiling it for everyone else if they're going to be noisy and need distractions. And you might not want to be worrying about them anyway.

Older children can be included. Despite being emotional for them it can often helps to process their loss. How often do you read on here that people felt excluded when they weren't able to attend a loved ones funeral as child? Time and again.

You can make this call.

From birth? My dc is 11 and been to a few funerals.

I think 8 is fine, just make sure you have a good chat with them beforehand to make sure they understand what’s happening.

My ds went to my Gran’s when he was 6 and was absolutely fine. He didn’t go to my mum’s the following year because to be honest my dad, sister and I were a total mess and he didn’t need to be part of that. He came along to the wake afterwards and was great.

I've taken from a couple of months old. If it was the funeral of a friend rather than family I probably wouldn't take but for family funerals I would take at all ages. My 3yo was v high energy and we just made sure we were able to get up and pop outside if necessary.