Women who walk out on their dh & dc..

[Silverlog]

What percentage of women who walk out on their dh & dc do you think have had a 2nd man lined up somewhere else? I'm pondering what the %s might be? Those who walk out alone vs those who walk out because they have a new relationship to go to (whether it works out or not). I think it's generally believed on mn that most/many men only walk out when there's a new woman in the wings somewhere. So do you think it's the same for mothers who walk out on their dhs & dc? I ask because this was my mum.. I never heard what the outcome was.

Just wondering
how many of these women who supposedly ran off ,never to be seen again ,were actually murderd

@TippledPink Apologies, I missed the implied young age of the kids. Only 1 left young children.
One had been married at an obscenely young age to an older man (not in the UK) and had no choice but to leave her young son, he was 3, when she fled her husbands abuse. She has since rebuilt her life , married a lovely man, has adult children and is in contact with her first child.
One left the family home when her younger child went to Uni, is still available and close to her daughters, but they tend to go ‘home’ to dad as he still has the family home. I met her through work, where she was re-establishing herself in her chosen profession, after living like 1950s housewife for too long.
The 3rd also left a young adult son, after her husbands serial cheating and hers sons defence of him.

I worked for many years in a large multi National and met lots of fascinating people along the way, from a wide range of backgrounds.Several are still good friends.

My nan did, left 4 with their dad and moved in with another man, and it happened to my friend at school when we were in primary.
They're the only instances I can think of though.

Similar story happened in my family, many years ago, mid 1930s. I think, something sinister happened, but unfortunately we’ll never know now.

Mine dumped me on my grandparents at a young age because I wasn’t my brother who she gave up a few months before I was born.
She’d already drove my dad away when I was a toddler.

She used to say when she could be bothered coming to visit that she was trying to find a place to live. I didn’t buy that as she had somewhere to live.

Found out the truth as a young adult and my Nan had dementia and thought I was someone else.

A friends partner had another man lined up.

Another one a drug addict.

Yeah absolutely, I would never abandon DD, couldn’t bear what it would do to her. Plus I do actually love my family, bloody awful as they are sometimes.

SweetSakura · Yesterday 21:51

Mental health problems, abuse... just to name a couple of reasons why to be careful not to judge.

Mine left when I was 6, my sisters were 7 & 8. She had several stints in mental hospitals and almost certainly had PND after she had me, (1970) my gran had to look after me for the first month, as she wouldn't even look at me.

We move across the country, she got in touch when I was 10 and I moved back with her, my sisters stayed with my dad and stepmother.

Exactly the Dane happened to my brother after an 8 year marriage the kids were 8,7 and 3 when she left. She loves babies but as soon as they had a mind of their own she seemed to lose interest in them. She now sees them one night a week but will go away for weeks at a time often missing birthdays/Christmas. I think in her case a personality disorder caused by early childhood trauma it's very sad all round

My aunt. She walked out on her DH and DCs for another man. Not her first affair. She’s v emotionally needy and rather helpless.

She wanted to be involved with my cousins and argues she didn’t “abandon” them, but OM lived abroad and she wanted to be with him more, so she moved country. She would beg the kids to visit her and when they refused, she got a court order mandating that the kids came to see her in her during the holidays. The younger two were sent to boarding school for secondary, because there was no family to help to look after them and aunt’s ex-H travelled for work.

Oddly, OM made a big effort. In the end they became close with him and he was a positive thing in their lives.

It all devastated my cousins. She is widowed, has early stage dementia and tries to lean on her DCs because she’s so needy, but she has alienated them.

Mine left my brother and I at 2 & 3 years old but took our little 11 month old sister. When asked why her reasoning was that she looked like her and we didn't. My dad is Greek with olive complexion and she is pale skinned (Aussie). It boggles my mind now that I'm a parent.

My mother left when I was 7, my sibling 9, for another man. My DF had his faults, but he was given sole custody. We weren’t allowed to see our mother for about a year, the divorce court labelled her an ‘unfit mother’. In our social group and school we were seen (and gossiped about) as the children whose mother left! Eventually we d we’re allowed contact. Ruined my siblings life as they developed huge trust issues.
It was decades ago but the scars and sense of abandonment run deep, no counselling facilities in those days.

You are judging that from your perspective in a Western society, which , despite its many flaws, will generally support , at least morally, a single mother looking after her children, much more than a woman leaving them behind.

There are several countries where women do not have any rights over their children, the wife is a chattel , and if she leaves, it will be alone. It is therefore very painful, but not abnormal, sadly, for them to leave, or indeed be kicked out, alone and without another man.

I am not alluding to specific faiths here, as I do not know whether that is the case, but it is certainly the case in the Middle Eastern countries where my friend is from, that the rule of faith is the law of the land , and she has no rights in this.

My mother left us when I was seven, she had MH and drink problems. She lived alone for a while but did meet someone else and remarry.
She never really sorted herself out and walked out my life again when I was thirteen. I never forgave her and didn’t go to her funeral.

I have a friend who left her exh and three boys. Her ex was a manipulative twat who used her children to control her.
There wasn’t anyone else involved. She managed to rebuild her life and has a good relationship with her children. Two of whom have moved a considerable distance to be near her.

In my wider circle of school mums, one left her two children aged about 9 & 10, for life with her lover - he didn't like children apparently so that's why she didn't take them.

Thirty years later, I understand she's still with him - she has a reasonable relationship with her daughter but sees little of her son.

Prior to her doing a runner, she was very critical of another mum who was having a holiday abroad and leaving her children behind at home with their father for a week!

I do think it depends massively on what you mean by walking out. A lot of these stories aren't clear whether the women just became the NR parent or truly abandoned their children.

I know a woman who left her DP and her two sons. They were mid teens, she was the high earner and, I believe, she did have another man lined up. I think a lot of what she did was selfish, but she didn't abandon her children - she moved into a flat 5 minutes walk away, was still very much involved and in fact, was still paying for the family home etc. Very sadly the other man, who she subsequently married, turned out to be an abusive dick and she had to call the police on him. Sigh.

EX BIL is a horrible, narcissistic, emotionally abusive man who I can't stand. BUT.... I do completely understand that most of his problems are probably because he and his siblings were abandoned by both parents. His father was abusive and his mum eventually left, the dad left soon after and his older siblings managed to hide that they had been abandoned for about 6 weeks. He was only 4 or 5. He then bounced around multiple foster families until he was 16. I can't stand the man, but there's no doubt that his parents have a lot to answer for.

In all my years I've not come across a woman leaving her family.

Until a few years back when my sister did exactly that. She had been putting up with her usually lovely husband treating her terribly for a good year before she discovered his long term affair. Seems he was trying to get my dsis to kick him out/end the marriage so he could walk away without the stigma of the affair or him looking the bad guy. Prick.

Anyway what he wanted was to move in with his new woman and see the kids once a week. Didn't want to be bogged down with family life (he'd checked out months ago). Needed to find himself blah blah blah

Dsis was devastated and what she did next did shock us all. She packed her bags and left her husband with the kids. She told him it's ok if she's not what he wants anymore but he doesn't get to walk away from his children. She stayed with me for a while, seeing the kids regularly but not overnight for a while till she got her own place. Then asked for 50/50 once she was settled.

Funnily enough things didn't work out for him and his ow. He didn't have enough time for her and she dumped him.

NC for this.
I have a history of severe MH issues. When I had my children, I had been stable for many years at this point.
Fast forward 8 years- severe MH breakdown (psychosis), 2 children with ASD and suicidal. I was desperate to leave and believed it was better for them. TBH, I would have committed suicide rather than make a new life. I had plans to frame it as an accident.
Fortunately, I had enough understanding to recognise that it would create lifelong trauma and I stayed, fought and eventually recovered with the help of large amounts of medication.

It is still hard though, I find parenting my kids really hard. My daughter is now home edded. But ultimately I found enough strength to prioritise them, they have to come first. I will always be ashamed about my plans.

My friends mum left her and her sisters. There was no other man. She moved into a bed sit a few streets away and there wasn’t room.
she did meet someone a year later and her ex says that she left him for another man. She didn’t though, she was just very unhappy.
her and new man married and lived one road away so children could move between houses easily, but dads house was main residence.
They all get on with both parents but her dad hates her mum (never had another relationship).

@ashamed1235 You have nothing to be ashamed of at all.

And good on you for finding the strength to work through your MH issues. Your children are lucky to have you as their mum.

I was going to say - what are we specifically talking here - someone who completely LEFT her children or a woman who decided to leave her marriage. There is a big difference.

46%

My friend’s mum walked out on her and her two older brothers. She never wanted children and hated family life. I don’t understand why somebody would have 3 children if they don’t like them? They did get back in contact with her when my friend was in her teens and her mum was really open with her ‘if you have children you know I won’t ever look after them, I hate them’ etc.

Ive just finished Billy Connoly’s autobiography and his mum left him and his sister when he was 4 I think. She left them for another man but it was during the War so who knows what they were going through. It must have been so traumatic for the children though and he had a terrible childhood with his aunties and dad. So sad.

I will NEVER understand how a woman can get up and walk out on her children, its just beyond me.

I can because a friend of mine did, she was being violently abused. A friend of my mums also left because of abuse. In my friends situation she didn't deliberately leave her children. Her ex set out to ruin her life. Alienated the dc, refused to give them back, tried to get her committed. His whole family threatened her and she now lives in hiding. So yeah. I can understand.

Mil walked out on dh and 4 children ( a year between each of their ages) and there was no other man. She suffered severe depression and just couldn’t cope at all. My dh and one of his siblings are completely in touch with her, one sibling will help with things but doesn’t actively encourage a relationship and the other wants nothing to do with her. They are all over 60 now so it was unheard of back in the day.