Women who walk out on their dh & dc..

[Silverlog]

What percentage of women who walk out on their dh & dc do you think have had a 2nd man lined up somewhere else? I'm pondering what the %s might be? Those who walk out alone vs those who walk out because they have a new relationship to go to (whether it works out or not). I think it's generally believed on mn that most/many men only walk out when there's a new woman in the wings somewhere. So do you think it's the same for mothers who walk out on their dhs & dc? I ask because this was my mum.. I never heard what the outcome was.

*sorry,5 kids from her first two marriages
its been a long day

I totally understand why people do, male and female. I fantasise about it often. Having kids is hard, drudge and with very little reward.

my best times are when my children are with their dad and I get to be me.

my Friends mum left. For another man. Left 3 kids behind. Had 3 more with OM.

Walked out on him and his kids for 2nd OM and then had 2 more with 2nd OM.

By the time she left 2nd OM for 3rd OM she was too old to have kids. She has stayed with him for about 15 years.

She is elderly in an awful relationship. Non of her 8 kids talk to her. 6 have had serious addiction issues, been arrested, served time in prison. All hugely impacted.

I don’t know how any parent could do it. Man or woman. My friend says he remembers wanting his mum and crying and being scared because she disappeared. I look at my own kids and just can’t imagine causing them so much pain.

Mental health problems, abuse... just to name a couple of reasons why to be careful not to judge.

Having battled PND and abuse, I know I was just lucky the police helped me leave with my children, because my ex's abuse combined with PND made me very suicidal.

I couldn't have lived much longer like that.

It works both ways but children I have given carried and given birth to? I could never just up and leave them, i would rather be dead.

You loved your children and you took them with you.

Having had my own dc I can categorically say I could never abandon them ever. Period.

My mum walked out on four of us for another man.
It's had a massive impact on us, really traumatic. I understand she had mental health issues and for that she is forgiven, but she has never made an effort with us and has made it very clear we are not her priority (she's on husband number 3 now we were never invited to either wedding)
We have very little to do with each other. Although she is always the victim.

Me neither, and I really don’t think my husband could have walked away from our child either, he’d have fought with every ounce of his being.

I don’t agree with the pp who said it was all drudge and little reward. That’s simply not how it is for me.

And that’s great for you. But for me it’s hell. I have an autistic dc, who is in crisis, school refusing and cannot be away from me. They can’t leave the house, have huge meltdowns where they smash stuff up and I am emotionally exhausted from trying to get help.

I shouldn’t have had dc. I won’t leave them. But I think about a lot. I just need to breathe

It's not that you shouldn't have had DC. Its that noone should have to cope with this without a huge amount of support and respite. And I know from a relatives struggle how near impossible that is.

I agree. And my husband would be the same, even though he didn’t carry or birth them. I feel the same with my pets, I didn’t carry them or birth them. I think the majority of people could not leave like that, but maybe that’s because I’ve been lucky not knowing shit people - but I realise I am lucky in that respect.

I have seen a lot of posts on here that differ, and especially women in the Middle East who have had their children taken by their partner. Who knows what story they are telling them?

I did. But had they been older that might not have been an option.

I can think of 4 families. 2 women left for other single men. They both 'shared' the children at some stage. Another mutually agreed to a sad divorce. Both parents were dating within month or 2, and the last one left and went in lodgings. She had planned to return for the children when shed secured a homr but ended up married to the landlord. All maintained relationships with their children. And finally one left the newborn baby but took toddler with her to live with her affair partner. The marriage wasn't good. The children did not know they had a sibling till quite old. I don't know any woman who's 'walked out' never to return.
I used to imagine anyone who did that would leave for another man or because of addiction, but I'm reviewing my opinions now.

Abnormal?! I think unusual would be a better term.

@TorviShieldMaiden
That's very brave of you to say that. Already I have seen use of the word 'abnormal' to describe a woman who doesn't feel her raison d'etre is to be there for her children.
Would I do anything for my children? No

My uncles first wife walked as soon as she got her British citizenship, leaving him with the kids (one of which wasn’t his)

she’d appear back sporadically when she needed money, promising the kids Im her return was permanent but as soon as she could pawn all she could get her hands on she’d be out the door again

@Timeforachangeisitnot You have 3 friends who have walked out on husbands and kids? That is quite unusual to have 3 friends that have left their kids behind. What were their reasons?

My youngests Dad had two kids with a woman who had walked out on her first DD and her Dad, she then had two kids with my ex and left him for another man when their youngest was 3 months and she was already pregnant with the next man's child. She had two with him and left them with their dad when the youngest was 4 months. Has had two more and seems to be a single mum to those, but has no contact with the first 5. Very bizarre!

My db wife did, she walked out on him and their 3 dc, had another man waiting in the wings

My mum left when I was younger - it was beyond awful.

She met another man and left and had another baby. Her new man was beyond vile.

To this day I am amazed that she loved being with him more than she loved being with us, her children.

I’ve never met anyone I’d want to hang out with more than I want to live with my DC. I’m in my forties now and I’m still baffled by it all.

I can only think of two women I know of who left their families. One had gotten married young and had four children very fast. She suffered from anxiety and depression after the birth of the first child which never went away. She got no support from anyone. She just got up and walked out during dinner one night. Disappeared for three months. Got back in contact after that, but she never returned to her family. She got so much judgement and criticism for it. Her children hate her. I always felt bad for her.

The second was a woman who found out her husband was having an affair and planning to leave her. She "got her ducks in a row", organised a flat then moved out with just her clothes. Her husband only found out that night when he called to ask where she was. I don't know the rest of that story. I know eventually she would have the kids EOW. Weirdly, the children don't hate her, but they don't really have a close relationship. She's quite an involved grandmother though.

I guess we need to clarify what 'walk out' means. Do you mean leave the family home and become the non resident parent, or do you mean walk out of the children's lives, so no involvement, total abandonment. The first is generally due to straight forward relationship breakdown. Someone has to go. For whatever reasons it's the woman that leaves. The second implies a degree of desperation to me. So a miserable life with partner, poor mental health and/or addiction. Of course it could be pure selfishness or psychopathy but I think that's rare.

We cannot know what another is going through. I read this some time back and was haunted by this mother's utter misery. I was a much upset by the responders that slated her.
www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/c11din/im_putting_my_extremely_profoundly_disabled_7/

In my close circle of friends 2 have left with no other man involved. Just decided enough was enough

Two of your close friends walked out on their husbands and their children? Are people using different definitions of what this means?

My mother left me and 3 siblings aged between 2 and 10. Completely messed up the lives of 2 of my siblings. She went on to marry the man she ran off with and had two more children. I often wonder what their thoughts were on it when they were old enough to understand what their mother did to her first family. Can I ask if it affected your relationship with your mother?

Mine left when I was 6 and my sister was 3, with another man all lined up!