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Original poster

Women who walk out on their dh & dc..

141 replies

Silverlog · 12/03/2023 20:54

What percentage of women who walk out on their dh & dc do you think have had a 2nd man lined up somewhere else? I'm pondering what the %s might be? Those who walk out alone vs those who walk out because they have a new relationship to go to (whether it works out or not). I think it's generally believed on mn that most/many men only walk out when there's a new woman in the wings somewhere. So do you think it's the same for mothers who walk out on their dhs & dc? I ask because this was my mum.. I never heard what the outcome was.

OP posts:
Simplicitysimplicity · 12/03/2023 22:49

Apologies…Was referring to the post by Goawaypeppa

Johnisafckface · 12/03/2023 22:49

I don’t know any women personally that have left. However my ex’s kids mother left two of their 3 kids with him. She did have another man lined up but her and my ex hadn’t gotten along in years.

Gagaandgag · 12/03/2023 23:01

TorviShieldMaiden · 12/03/2023 22:12

And that’s great for you. But for me it’s hell. I have an autistic dc, who is in crisis, school refusing and cannot be away from me. They can’t leave the house, have huge meltdowns where they smash stuff up and I am emotionally exhausted from trying to get help.

I shouldn’t have had dc. I won’t leave them. But I think about a lot. I just need to breathe

Wow. Could have written that myself. Sending solidarity x

moonpixel · 12/03/2023 23:03

Noicant · 12/03/2023 21:25

I think I can understand when women walk out and theres no-one else. The pressure of family life can be intense especially if there is a more traditional set up. I’ve definitely had passing thoughts of running away.

Nah. Mine was just a cunt.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/03/2023 23:06

totallybonafido · 12/03/2023 21:47

My grandad's mum left him and several other siblings, when he was about 5. There was speculation that she ran off with another man but noone ever found out for sure and they never heard from her again.

Her husband may have killed her and no one ever bothered to look into where she really was. It has happened many, many times.

InWalksBarberalla · 12/03/2023 23:09

My ex boyfriend's mum supposedly left her 5 children for her affair partner never to be seem again. The children were told she had mental health issues, was using drugs etc and had a lot of anger towards her. Twenty years later the police reopened the case and the father was found guilty of murdering her. The children don't believe the masses of evidence and stand by him.

JudesBiggestFan · 12/03/2023 23:21

My dad's mom walked out on him and his six siblings in 1958. His dad was abusive and of course in those days, there was no help for single moms. I don't know whether she intended to come back for them, but in the meantime they were separated and put in children's homes as the dad apparently couldn't cope...my dad was only five years old and was brought up by nuns. Eventually he went to an approved school when he was 14 because of his behaviour. He was on a straight road to prison until he met my mom at 18...she saved him. Two of his siblings died an alcoholic, one a drug addict, another married young, converted to Islam and had 10 kids. My dad has turned out the most 'normal' but is still deeply damaged. Strangely, it's my youngest son that has opened a gate for him...he looked at him when he was 5 and just said 'how could she do it? How could someone leave a child like that?'. He suppressed it for so many years. Deeply, deeply sad. The scars of maternal abandonment last a lifetime. Whatever the reason.

itsjustnotok · 12/03/2023 23:25

My mother left me and my siblings for a year or so to be with her new BF. Took us back and moved us in with him. Blamed my dad for years. Then left her BF for another guy and left her kids with her ex then too.

GiraffeInABath · 13/03/2023 00:06

My friend walked out on her DD (11 months old at the time 😢).
Friend has a long history of MH issues- eating disorder, binge eating, depression, anxiety, extreme feelings of self hatred (think screamed at an ex boyfriend because he disgusted her by being attracted to somebody as ‘ugly’ as her… yes, really). she seemed to be recovering and met a man from the Middle East whom she had a fairly stable relationship with on the surface. Then he gradually wore her down again, agreeing she was a failure, an embarrassment, fat and ugly etc and by the time their DD was born friend had zero confidence again. When DD was about 11 months she walked away, she truly believes to this day that her DD is better without her as ‘she doesn’t need the negative influence of me, a failure at everything, for a mother, she would be embarassed of me.’ Friend has now meet a new DP and seems to be doing better but rarely talks about her DD- she hasn’t seen her in years. It’s sad as my friend is one of the kindest and gentlest souls you could meet- she is simply prone to extremely low self esteem and DD’s father further hurt her mentally, she doesn’t believe something as lovely as her DD should be burdened by her: I believe DD is raised by extended family (and friend’s ex-DP) abroad. I can’t imagine how hurtful it is for the child when mum ‘walks away’ but to the mother that may not be the case, they may feel it’s the kindest thing..: although I would argue this is rarely ever the case as most children need their mothers.

Gremlins101 · 13/03/2023 00:07

Not going anywhere now but in the past I've definitely thought of walking out, mainly because my in-laws expectations are very different from how I was raised. But there's no way in hell I'd leave the kids. My mum and older sister both walked out on their husbands, taking the children with them. I've had urges to do the same.

ninjafoodienovice · 13/03/2023 00:09

DSS's mum left when he was 4.
Yes there was someone else.
It has truly messed DSS up probably forever and the worst part is, he will always want a relationship with her because he's so afraid of being abandoned.
Hateful selfish woman.
She had the opportunity to keep him with her but she chose to leave DH and DSS

Fifi0000 · 13/03/2023 00:16

My mum has severe MH issues , she was physically and emotionally abusive. She left when I was 13. To be honest there was faults on both sides SMI was a lot more stigmatised and like a dirty secret even 15 years ago. When she was discharged from hospital she was expected to look after me and siblings who were young from day of discharge while my DF worked. When she had ECT day treatment my dad would drop her off go to work then pick her up then she was expected to look after us. Tragic really we should have been taken into care.

Fifi0000 · 13/03/2023 00:19

There was no man waiting in the wings , she had severely assaulted me and DF found out.

Doggydarling · 13/03/2023 00:34

Family member left two dc (8mths and 3 years), walked out to live with her bil. Could have had the dc back but refused to cooperate with the judges (sensible) orders. Her ex wasn't much better but he met a good woman who raised the dc as her own. Family member is elderly now and moans about not having family to look after her, she'd lots of chances but was always a selfish bitch so she's reaping what she sowed.
Another woman I knew left her dh and two young dc to be with om, had a dc with him and left him and that dc, moved on to the next guy and did it again so she's left three guys and four dc, locally she's nicknamed 'the cuckoo'.

JMSA · 13/03/2023 00:39

I would grudgingly respect a woman who walked out - on her own - and left it all behind. She must have had her reasons.
But to dump your kids for a man? Nah. That is too pathetic for words.

Lilbunnyfufu · 13/03/2023 00:41

My mum fucked of the first time for another man and left me with my dad who then dumped me on his mother until she passed away. At some point they got back together had 2 more kids then my mum fucked off again for a few years leaving us with dad there was no man involved that time.

JMSA · 13/03/2023 00:47

I feel sad for so many of you SadFlowers
Truth is, I'm a single parent of 3 who finds motherhood a total drag in many ways. I live for every other weekend, which I have to myself.
BUT I'm a good mum and am always present. I am always there for my kids and would do anything for them.
I'm not saying this as a 'perfect parent' (if only!), but some people really shouldn't have kids.

MoreSleepPleasee · 13/03/2023 01:06

Found out my friends new gf who moved in with him really soon upped and left her partner and 4 year old. She sees the child every other weekend now. She doesn't work and is happy with this as now shes not very local to them so getting there takes a few hours. I don't understand it at all.

Mothership4two · 13/03/2023 01:42

IME most women usually have someone they are interested in and are pretty sure it's reciprocated or they have started an affair. Obviously not the case if there are MH problems, an intolerable situation and/or abuse. The three friends who left their stable relationships to go solo had all married young. 99.9% of the men I've known who left their partners were already in a new relationship. The 0.1% was to do with fertility problems and he came back.

Coyoacan · 13/03/2023 02:57

The only woman I know in such a situation actually didn't walk out on them but her husband refused to let her near the children ever again and told them she had abandoned them.

After years of fighting, she has managed to get back in touch and rebuild her relationship with them.

Sleepless1096 · 13/03/2023 03:11

Aquamarine1029 · 12/03/2023 23:06

Her husband may have killed her and no one ever bothered to look into where she really was. It has happened many, many times.

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I think this happens more than people realise.

It's strange that women attract much more blame than men for walking out. It seems to me that it's directly linked to the greater burden which many bear, which makes the consequences of it so much worse - if dad walks out, the family often muddle through, if mum walks out it can be a nightmare for the kids if the dad essentially gives up on parenting. One sad thing from this thread is that women who were essentially good and loving parents giving their all, but who snapped under the burden often with no help, are often the ones who children then won't talk to whereas mothers who were more chaotic/selfish from the start often retain some type of relationship with their children.

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 13/03/2023 06:58

I know 2- one I know left her two teens for another man - but she hasn't abandoned, lives nearby and sees them
a lot so not sure it's the same. I'm also not sure she actually left or if her husband found out about the affair and asked her to leave. Kids get to stay in same home/ school etc

One of the girls is fried a with my son and in the surface seems to be doing ok. Not more affected by mum leaving family home than kids of divorced parents when dad leaves.

The other left mid primary aged child and moved to another county, leaving child with dad in family home. He did his best with help from grandparents and he was always there at school shows, sports days etc. Never saw her again although social
media shows her working in clubs and music/ entertainment industry etc. She saw child sporadically. Never understood that one really - she was very present in child's life and then was not.

ÉireannachÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ · 13/03/2023 07:04

JudgeRudy · 12/03/2023 22:24

Abnormal?! I think unusual would be a better term.

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Yes definitely abnormal. It is very much not normal or common or usual for women to leave their children. Perhaps because you wouldn't say you wouldn't do everything for your children and you sympathise with women leaving their families you don't like how the word feels.

But no, I stand by the word abnormal, because that's exactly what women leaving their children is. Despite how the word makes u feel.

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 13/03/2023 07:19

My exes mum left him and his sibling (4 & 2) for another man. It caused so much trauma to my ex and basically fucked up any relationship he and his sibling has ever had.
Apparently the father was abusive, but there's no way I would ever leave with my kids, and she had the opportunity to take them. All through his life she picks him and drops him when she wants. She's a nasty person who always puts herself first.

Knullrufs · 13/03/2023 07:28

Both my mother and my aunt (her sister) did this in the 80s. There must have been a segment on Pebble Mill or something. Both had other men.

My mother returned a few months later and my dad took her back. I’ve never fully trusted her since, though.