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Original poster

Football causing issues between dad and Husband

177 replies

Nowheretogo1985 · 12/03/2023 07:34

Hello!
Anyone got any advice please? It sounds ridiculous but football is causing a problem between my dad and Husband.
Both are passionate about the teams they support (both different) but my husband doesn't want my dad talking to my son about the team he supports as he feels like my dad is trying to coax him away from my husband's team. If that makes sense!
My dad wants to take my son to a match but husband won't allow him.
My husband came home from work last week and my dad (who was looking after my children) had drawn the emblem of his football team on the children's chalkboard. Words have been exchanged via text between both men (my husband asked him not to do such things) and now I feel like it's awkward. I can see them really falling out over it.
I'm just not sure what to do 😭
Sorry if it's sounds trivial but I'm bot sure what to do!!

OP posts:
SquidwardBound · 12/03/2023 13:42

@Tillow4ever The difference there is that you do care and actively support the team.

So it was actually a negotiation between two parents about things that matter to each of them.

The fact your dad also supports your team is neither here nor there.

This OP clearly doesn’t care about this. So her husband’s team preference is going to win by default in their family unit. Her dad’s preferences shouldn’t really be a consideration.

It’s become difficult because her husband feels he’s got to act defensively to be allowed to share his passion for his team with his child.

In the future, the child might decide they’re an arsenal fan or whatever. But for now they’re happy supporting the team with their dad. The OP’s dad should just stay out of it and let his son in law have that.

There is a big difference between a child deciding for themself (or alongside their friends) and a grandparent who is intentionally trying to convert the child to their way of thinking.

VioletaDelValle · 12/03/2023 13:43

It can be very important to the husband, but that doesn't overweight the son's right to make his own choices.

I never said it did.

If he feels it is so important that his son mimics his choices and believes rather than exploring his own, that doesn't speak very well of him. The son isn't a doll or action figure.

Don't most parents want to share their interests and passions with their children?
That doesn't mean they aren't also exploring their own interests......
Anyway, that's not the point of the thread is it? Nobody has suggested the child isn't free to make their own choice 🤷🏼‍♀️

SquidwardBound · 12/03/2023 13:43

I should improve my reading - because that’s pretty much where you ended up anyway.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Football
SeasonFinale · 12/03/2023 13:45

Catspyjamas17 · 12/03/2023 07:53

I managed to choose Man Utd when my dad is Man City. We rowed about lots of daft things but not football. He always cheered on Utd if they were not playing City because they were both Manchester as far as he was concerned, and I feel the same vice versa.

all this shows is that he wasn't a proper fan 😉

SquidwardBound · 12/03/2023 13:48

I’m Scottish and my youngest two sons are England fans (the eldest hates sport).

I don’t care much about football. My husband cares a lot, especially about international football. So they support England.

I’d be annoyed if my dad was trying to undermine my husband in this stuff - not that I can imagine anyone tempting someone that Scotland is the ideal side to support. 🤣 my dad (who cares a lot about football) is allowed some good natured teasing based on the fact that the boys and my husband are England fans, obviously. And vice versa. DH gets his team because he cares (and I’m apathetic).

hennythe100footbird · 12/03/2023 13:49

We're a football household OP, thankfully both myself and my partner follow the same team. My son has never shown any interest in football, but if he did we would support his choice in team - although he would be encouraged to support a 'family' team I.e one that one of us supports, mainly because he would be more likely to get to go to a game if one of us was going.

That said, my DSibling is a Man U supporter and that is not encouraged in the slightest! 🤣🤣

I don't envy you in the slightest lovely, but I absolutely feel your pain xx

furryfrontbottom · 12/03/2023 13:58

Write IT'S ONLY A FUCKING GAME or variations thereof on the chalkboard every day until the message sinks in.

Dinogeorge · 12/03/2023 13:58

It really is just a game. DH and DF support rival teams. DH however is die hard about it. DF enjoys it but maintains a sense of humour about it. DC sides with his grandfather which I know irritates DH but he knows better than to make a big deal of it. If he did, I’d say DC is free to support whatever team they want. And reiterate it is just a game!

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 12/03/2023 14:26

They do say you marry a man like your father!

These two are childish as fuck and both in the wrong. It's pathetic that grown men chose to act like this. I'd be having none of it, from either of them.

Will you DH be making all of your son's choices for hime because that's a worry - what if he prefers rugby or rejects all sport etc

saturdaymorningbored · 12/03/2023 14:26

I think your husband is being a bit silly but I think your dad is at fault here.
It sounds he's deliberately trying to wind your husband up, he knew by drawing the emblem on the board would annoy him, does your dad disrespect him in other issues as I think this may be the reason your husband is reacting as he is

lieselotte · 12/03/2023 14:35

Football brings out the worst in people (men).

I would simply say you won't have football chat in your presence and that your DH and DF need to grow up and accept they have different team allegiances.

For what it's worth, my son and husband support different teams and still speak to each other, so it's entirely possible to be sensible about it (my dad wasn't that interested, and semi-supported a "lesser" team anyway, so it was never an issue with him anyway).

diddl · 12/03/2023 14:45

my husband asked him not to do such things

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Omg! That is hilarious.

Would you like your dad to take your son to a match?

Husband won't allow it?

What a controlling twat.

Dancingonthemoonlight · 12/03/2023 14:50

God forbid your son ever decided to support and follow a team that isn't his dad's team!
Your partner needs to grow up big time. He sounds like a controlling asshole.

YetiTeri · 12/03/2023 14:50

As a football fan I'd say your Dad is out of order. Sharing a football team is massively important, you go to games together and have a constant topic of conversation at every stage of your life. Your husband has probably dreamed of this relationship with your son and your Dad is trying to undermine it.

It isn't just a game, it's a connection, a community. It's time together.

PhillySub · 12/03/2023 14:51

You are dealing with tribal warfare. Tell both of them that sport is not to be discussed in front of your son.

TessoftheDubonnet · 12/03/2023 14:51

Joint counselling for football fanatics?!!

IMustDoMoreExercise · 12/03/2023 14:53

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 12/03/2023 12:52

“Yes this. My husband would have been devestated if his sons followed a different team. It is so important.“

No - it really isn’t. It’s sport, a game. And if 2 adults invest so much in it they try to upset family members over it, it’s too ridiculous . Why is it football (mainly) brings out this kind of attitude?

Show quote history

I have not idea why football does this, but it does and nothing is going to stop it.

It is like a religion to a lot of people and you get football fanatics just like you get religious fanatics. Some people are just like that.

Soproudoflionesses · 12/03/2023 14:54

Not sure this actually about football...sounds like a power game to me!

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 12/03/2023 15:02

I’d tell them both, but especially your husband, to fuck off with their pathetic tribalism and grow up. And then teach your son about rugby, a proper sport.

Mammyloveswine · 12/03/2023 15:48

Piffle11 · 12/03/2023 07:55

I'm actually siding more with your DH than your DF on this one.

Children usually follow the team that their family supports: in this case, your DH. Your DF had this opportunity with his DC. If your DH didn't support a particular team then I would say no problem for your DS following his DGF's team… but it seems to me that your DF is deliberately trying to provoke your DH.

My friend's DH is a huge supporter of Manchester City - and his DF and brother - and their two teenage DC are also huge Manchester City supporters.

If my friends's DF supported Manchester United, and was trying to get the DC to follow Manchester United instead, I would think it was massively disrespectful.

I think if you are not really into football, it can be difficult to explain how passionate people get about it.

I think you need to have a word with your DF actually, and maybe tell DH not to get so wound up by him. And as another post I said, if it continues, maybe you need to find different childcare.

This!

Fwiw my husband supports a different team to me however I am by far the bigger football fan (plus we live in a football mad city! Toon toon!) and all of my sons classmates support newcastle too so they also support the toon!

If their daddy's team are playing however they will cheer for them!

Who do you support OP? Does it matter to you?

RedHelenB · 12/03/2023 16:23

YetiTeri · 12/03/2023 14:50

As a football fan I'd say your Dad is out of order. Sharing a football team is massively important, you go to games together and have a constant topic of conversation at every stage of your life. Your husband has probably dreamed of this relationship with your son and your Dad is trying to undermine it.

It isn't just a game, it's a connection, a community. It's time together.

This Your Dad had his chance with you, he needs to stop being antagonistic .

MamskiBell · 12/03/2023 16:41

How absolutely pathetic.......

Brefugee · 12/03/2023 19:44

Not sure this actually about football...sounds like a power game to me!

it is. And OP's dad is in the wrong. And she is being disloyal to her DH in not telling him to pack it in

And typically the footy-hating MN posters don't really understand. That's fine. But of those who do? say the same thing: OPs dad is out of order.

CallieG · 12/03/2023 23:07

Tell your husband that his pov isn’t the only one & at the rate he’s going his son is going to HATE football. He has no right to sabotage his sons enjoyment of time with his grandpa over something so Petty, if grandpa wants to take him to a football game he should be able to do so , the kid can barrack for both teams.

put your foot down, tell them BOTH to pull their heads in & get over themselves.

MaidOfSteel · 12/03/2023 23:24

Reallybadidea · 12/03/2023 09:32

Football really is a religion to some people.

You're not wrong there.

I thought I'd seen football rivalry, until I moved yo Glasgow. It is truly awful.

Your dad is being a bit goady, but your husband is going way over the top by talking about banning any mention of another team. It's almost like indoctrination.

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