Football causing issues between dad and Husband

[Nowheretogo1985]

Hello!
Anyone got any advice please? It sounds ridiculous but football is causing a problem between my dad and Husband.
Both are passionate about the teams they support (both different) but my husband doesn't want my dad talking to my son about the team he supports as he feels like my dad is trying to coax him away from my husband's team. If that makes sense!
My dad wants to take my son to a match but husband won't allow him.
My husband came home from work last week and my dad (who was looking after my children) had drawn the emblem of his football team on the children's chalkboard. Words have been exchanged via text between both men (my husband asked him not to do such things) and now I feel like it's awkward. I can see them really falling out over it.
I'm just not sure what to do 😭
Sorry if it's sounds trivial but I'm bot sure what to do!!

But if people do this with religion it’s (quite rightly) called brainwashing.

Surely a more rounded way of raising a child would be to expose them to other options so they can see the benefits/pitfalls of both teams and make a more informed decision?

I take a passing interest in sports, and support local and National teams. I can feel happy for them if they win, so I kind of get the highs.

However, I can’t get upset by a poor result or rival team as it doesn’t actually change my life in any way, shape or form.

I’m always hoping someone can explain to to me, why is causes such upset if a team loses or someone supports a rival team (surely there’d be no game if everyone supported the same team!) but I always get the same answers as above. ‘You just wouldn’t get it’ which explains nothing! 🙃

Oh for goodness’ sake. Tell your husband to grow up. Your son has a mind of his own.

It depends on the teams they support really and if local rivals, I understand your husband being so upset.

But if not direct rivals I don't see why your husband is so upset. Your DS sounds like he's a big supporter off his team and loyal so I don't think a one off trip to see a premiership game, just to experience it is that bad. I doubt his head will be turned.

But if local rivals I'm totally on your husbands side.

I’m always hoping someone can explain to to me, why is causes such upset if a team loses or someone supports a rival team (surely there’d be no game if everyone supported the same team!) but I always get the same answers as above. ‘You just wouldn’t get it’ which explains nothing! 🙃

It's the shared experience and shared emotions. It heightens the experience and creates bonds between people.
If you feel strongly and are passionate about something then sharing that experience with other people who feel the same is quite powerful.

Also, for many football fans just bring a fan is a huge part of their identity. It's part of who they are which is why it feels so emotional when they win or lose.

*being

Thank you @VioletaDelValle that does make sense but (I promise I’m not trying to be goady here), surely that bond is going to greater if the child has chosen himself to support that team?

it sounds like some people (such as the OP’s DH) get arsey if their child is shown any other information that could make them like another team?

The child is not going to want to upset it’s dad, therefore surely there’s an element of coercion or even emotional abuse involved with their decision making about which team to support?

Husband is being the ahole

Put the two of them in a room. Tell them that it's a game, not a cult, and to let your son make up his own mind.

Also remind your dad that goading your husband when he set boundaries is a shit thing to do and you expect better from him.

They are both setting an awful example for your DS, but in very different ways.

@Nowheretogo1985 you DH sounds insecure about this and your dad is deliberately goading him (chalkboard incident), so they are both in the wrong here. You say your DH and dad don't have a good relationship anyway, so what's the history there?

Your husband sounds like a child tbh. I'd be livid if mine got on like this over football.

Of course, forcing a child to support a team won't end well just as forcing a child to even like football isn't going to create positive experiences.

But one of the most joyful experiences as a parent is sharing your passions with your child. Sometimes they share your passions and sometimes they don't but the OPs dad is interfering in her DHs opportunity to build a relationship around a shared passion.
It's not the same if you support different teams.

The OPs dad needs to step back for a while imo.
Once the child is older he can make his own mind up but let his dad share his love for his team first!

My dh and his dad support different teams. His dad worked away a lot when DH was a child so he was brought up around his mums family so supports their team. He talks very fondly of going to matches and later to the pub with relatives who he still has a close relationship with.

His dad have never tried to influence DS as he recognised that as a father/son thing....... now DS is older they tease each other and chat about football but DH would have been mightily pissed off of if his dad had behaved the way the OPs dad is.

Your husband is being a pathetic childish dick, and your dad is deliberately winding him up. I can see the temptation for your dad, I’d feel like winding him up too, but tell your dad to pack it in. Tell your husband to stop being such a prick over football. It’s doing your head in, it’s incredibly unsexy and it’s making your vagina incredibly dry and unwilling.

religious people generally do not expose their children to multiple faith options, weigh up the pros and cons and such like.

Catholics often christen their babies, then take them to church every week, send them to catholic schools, send them to Sunday school, celebrate their first communions and confirmations and so on.

Muslims, Jews, hindus, Buddhists, and so on often just live out their faith as a way of life too and their children just grow up as part of that.

People don’t generally view this as ‘brainawashing’. In fact, mostly the people insisting choosing a religion should happen as you describe tend not to be religious at all.

All parents have to face the disappointment when their children reject things that matter to them at some point. Whether it’s religion or football team or whatever. That doesn’t make their parents wrong for sharing it with them until they’re old enough to decide otherwise.

“Yes this. My husband would have been devestated if his sons followed a different team. It is so important.“

No - it really isn’t. It’s sport, a game. And if 2 adults invest so much in it they try to upset family members over it, it’s too ridiculous . Why is it football (mainly) brings out this kind of attitude?

No - it really isn’t. It’s sport, a game. And if 2 adults invest so much in it they try to upset family members over it, it’s too ridiculous . Why is it football (mainly) brings out this kind of attitude?

Just because you don't think it's important there is no need to belittle others.

It's can be part of the fabric and culture of a family and is sometimes ( not always) linked to where they grew up so there are wider cultural implications and influences.

I agree that adults need to be grown up about it and deliberately goading people is immature but I've married into a football family and it is such a big part of their family identity and I can see how important it is to them.

Jesus, is your husband a primary school child?

He knows your son might choose to support any team he likes?

This is one of the most pathetic things I've ever heard tbh.

It can be very important to the husband, but that doesn't overweight the son's right to make his own choices.

If he feels it is so important that his son mimics his choices and believes rather than exploring his own, that doesn't speak very well of him. The son isn't a doll or action figure.

I think the opposite. If your son is invested in his dads team then why is he denying him the experience of going to a premier league stadium. If he is going to be tempted away he is going to be tempted denying him the experience is not centring him first.

I think you need to say to both of them that they are not putting your son first. Your dad needs to back off and accept that he is the league 2 side fan and stop pushing it but that the experience of going to premier league side sounds a wonderful experience you would like your son to experience. Then your husband needs to get rid of the chip on his shoulder, he is happy with his team as is his son so his insecurity about it is denying his child a good experience (and it is different type of enjoyable when it isn’t your team) and he needs to have faith that his son will not be swayed

Genuinely I would put them both in a room together, give them a right dressing down about such childish behaviour, quite literally bang their heads together and make them wear each others team colours.

Id also cut off privileges and remove things they like to do!
stop cooking meals they like. Stop buying food/beers they like and turn tv programmes off as they start watching them. (Especially for the husband!)

if they (husband especially) can’t see how childish they’re being they may start to work it out!

quite honestly your husband is a complete d!ck! & is risking losing relationships with everyone! Is he the sort of football fan that’d get violent after a losing? All sounds like he takes it a bit too personally for it to be sporting!

whatever the age, why can’t your son enjoy something with his grand father? (He won’t be here forever!)
lots of kids support two teams, one local/grass roots & one premiership. One you see regularly, one you see on tv or occasionally. Both are different experiences.

it’s the difference between watching s local band in a social club and an internationally famous artist in a stadium! Just because you like one doesn’t mean you can’t like the other!

Tell them to choose a local non league side and go as a family to watch them. Some grass roots football. That could be a "family" team and hopefully a bit of a compromise.
Oh and my mother always bought my son (whose now 25) Everton kits knowing my husband is a red hot Liverpool fan. He used to just laugh. I'm a blue in a red house but non league is now our family team and a cracking way to follow football.

@VioletaDelValle i agree. Sure, I don’t care, but for some people supporting a football team is a huge deal. It’s something that they desperately want to share with their own child.

They may find that their child rejects it (which is fine), but having other adults (who aren’t the child’s parents) purposefully try to undermine this and ‘tempt’ the child to their team is just shit.

Given the OP clearly doesn’t care about football, it’s fair to just let her husband have his football with his son thing. Her dad should stay out of it.

It really isn’t different to an OP who has always dreamed of having a little girl with long hair who she can dress to her taste. Only to find that MIL has decided to take her 3 year old to the hairdresser for a short bob and insists on changing her into her own clothes as soon as she arrives.

It’s only hair and clothes. The hair can grow back. And potentially in the future, the DD might want to get a number 3 all over. But why shouldn’t the mother get to style her daughter in ways she loves while the child is happy to go along with it? And, certainly, why should her MIL get to impose her wishes on the situation?

When you’re in a relationship, you know about the weird foibles and passions your partner has. Presumably you love them. Why would you let your parents undermine your partner sharing that stuff with his kids?

and he could have my DS who decided to follow his own team and make his own decision! Wasn’t swayed by Dad or Grandad or friends

Oh my goodness this is crackers. My husband supports A and has a season ticket, I used to have a season ticket for B when I was younger and enjoy seeing how they are doing every now and then and grandad supports C. My boy is football mad and likes any football. He's 3 and loves wearing his football shirt that matches daddy's. My husband and dad often taunt each other in jest. He's not yet been to a game but will when he's older and I know my husband would want his first game at A, I respect that and so does my Dad however if he got chance to watch my dad's team my husband wouldn't care. Its such a shame your situation is different.

Hmmmm tricky one! In my house, I’m a huge fan of the same team my dad is (local side, premier league). My husband is a fan of another premier league team, but they are a good 100 miles away AND he’s not really into football - doesn’t tend to watch, never goes, etc. whereas I’ll always watch if I get the chance, my dad is a season ticket holder (I was before I couldn’t afford it), etc. When the kids were born, we had a discussion around football teams. My husband wanted them to support the team he supports, I wanted my team. In the end I pointed out that if they supported my team, they’d actually have the opportunity to go and watch them regularly, whereas they’d likely never get to go and see his team. He chuntered a bit but did see my point. So then I told him I didn’t go through the agony of labour and childbirth to raise them as fans of any other club - it’s the one and only thing I’ve played that “card” for because it was important to me. Now the kids are welcome to choose their own alligence - but as far as I was concerned, I knew which club they’d have the shirts for etc. All of them have had season tickets from about 12 months old, my eldest is mad about them, the younger 2 support them but don’t go as regularly and my husband admits it was right to give them the opportunity to see their team play.

so a long winded way of saying, are they likely to get to go watch your husbands team? If not, let your dad take them! That said, if they are local rivals, and you personally don’t care which team they support, your husband should get the final say in who they are brought up to support. Your dad shouldn’t be winding him up further.