Football causing issues between dad and Husband

[Nowheretogo1985]

Hello!
Anyone got any advice please? It sounds ridiculous but football is causing a problem between my dad and Husband.
Both are passionate about the teams they support (both different) but my husband doesn't want my dad talking to my son about the team he supports as he feels like my dad is trying to coax him away from my husband's team. If that makes sense!
My dad wants to take my son to a match but husband won't allow him.
My husband came home from work last week and my dad (who was looking after my children) had drawn the emblem of his football team on the children's chalkboard. Words have been exchanged via text between both men (my husband asked him not to do such things) and now I feel like it's awkward. I can see them really falling out over it.
I'm just not sure what to do 😭
Sorry if it's sounds trivial but I'm bot sure what to do!!

The more I learn about men, the more embarrassed and depositing I am of them and for them.

i 100% understand the love of football. Love it myself. Love a bit of banter about it. But both of these men are being absolutely pathetic and need to grow up.

So DIL thinks ballet is shit and MIL thinks being a majorette is shit. DIL forbids MIL to take DD to see a ballet and doesn't want her to even discuss it with her (OP has updated: DIL has taken DD to see majorettes frequently). MIL winds up DIL while she provides childcare. I think both are being dicks and need to grow up. .

I agree it's pathetic BUT my dp had this exact issue with his ex-FIL.

They support different - and fiercely rival - teams and when SS was born ex-FIL signed him up to his team's children's fan club and got him a shirt. DP was livid and chucked it all away, told his ex to sort out her dad.

So while I completely agree it's silly, it's not as unusual as you might think.

Personally I think that your husband is your son's dad and your dad should back off and not try and involve him with his football team when he knows it riles the boy's father.

I had this when my girl was younger. Her dad was one team and my dad another. Over time she's gravitated toward my dads team but I think that's just because he buys her a season ticket each year and her dad doesn't. I did ask her dad not to buy anything for his team as it's more affiliated with violence and a derby type of team, and for the most part he and his family respected it but she's come home with the odd strip over the years.

Anyway, my point is he'll decide when he's older and you will just need to ride it out ☺️ As for them, it won't stop, just stay out of it.

Most football fans and families are not like this. Your son isn't going to be swayed by the grandeur of a premier league team by going once. I agree it is possible to support one team passionately and show an interest in others. I think your DH should let DF take DS to his team if he wants to go and DF should stop pressing his buttons.

My DS supports DH's team's local rival, DFIL is passionate about a different premier league club, I support and we live near a league 1 club. We all manage to get on fine with it. DS comes to league 1 games with me as it is impossible for us to get tickets for his team. He likes my team, I like his, it doesn't change our main allegiances.

Mine is and so are both DS (plus many of DH's extended family) and they wouldn't behave like this

Your DH is encouraging your son to have a passion for football but he is preventing him from having the opportunity to experience and visit a big stadium of the sport he has a passion for, for a team that is likely not a rival considering the difference in positions and will likely not play each other for a very very long time, if ever.

What if when he's older, he wants to visit some of the bigger stadiums? Is your DH going to say he can't?

I support a team in the Championship but I have gone to games in the premiership, it was amazing to visit some of the stadiums and see some of the 'bigger' players in person. As an enthusiastic football fan it was amazing to experience and I'm glad I did. I didn't change my mind and decide that actually Arsenal was now the team for me (and members of my family do in fact support Arsenal so there is that 'influence' if you like)

I would understand if your dad was say a Man City fan and your OH was a Man United fan and your dad was suggesting he start taking your son to Man city's ground.

But I think, just as someone who truly enjoys the sport, it would be a shame to prevent your son from having a day out with his grandad.

meh. Your DH will want to take his son to football with him, your dad won't be around forever. So it is a bit of a dick move to try to encourage your son to switch allegience.

We have to accept, even when we don't understand football rivalries, that for some it is a deep-seated love.

This is a really good analogy. Your dh is being ridiculous. Your ds can decide for himself. How about teaching him about lots of teams so he can decide for himself?

from a football fan in a football fan family, this is ridiculous. My DH supports man utd as do half his family, the other half are city. our son went for city and DH takes him to games, wears a city scarf, cheers along. Because he's a grown up.

My dad is 100% goading my husband and I can see that. But DH putting blanket ban on my dad not talking about his team is unreasonable and driving a rift between both if them.

you should be supporting your DH here, OP, and YABVU for that. Jeez. The pp pointing out that if this were something other than football and a MIL instead of your dad are right.

They are both as bad as each other.

Your father shouldn't goad his son-in-law.
Your husband shouldn't rise to the bait that your father teases him with.

Tell them BOTH to grow the hell up!

Can you get your son involved with rugby and follow that so that he doesn't end up getting between his father and grandfather?

Would that be an option?

OP has already said her DS is into his dad's team. Trying to entice him away to a PL team is being a dick, and makes the DS a glory hunter. Absolute no-no in football fan world 😁

We’ve been watching Welcome to Wrexham on Disney+ recently. It’s generally really good and as we aren’t a football family it’s like a different world for us tbh. It’s nice to see so many people so passionate about something, and get a bit of an insight. But the one episode that left me a bit baffled was one around hooliganism, which featured a grown man (well, in terms of his age anyway…) who had been banned from the club for hooliganism but had still bought a season ticket despite not being allowed anywhere near the place and not only that - his apparently fairly academically bright on/off girlfriend had lost out on her dream job in the police because she was associated with him. It was bonkers, frankly. This is sort of reminding me of that situation, albeit without the legal consequences…!

In your shoes, I’d be telling BOTH of the grown men involved in this to grow the fuck up.

I'm a league 1 football fan and I would be a bit annoyed with your dad. He knows it bothers your husband and continues to do it to be annoying, at best. If they don't have a great relationship anyway he can't even claim it is just "friendly banter" or something.

I know it seems trivial to people who aren't into football, but I still go with my dad, and when he's old enough my son will come too (if he likes football!). Enjoying the highs and lows of football with my dad really means something to me. It would bother me if someone were actively trying to persuade him to go in a different football direction just to get to me, which is what seems go be the case here. (I fully appreciate he may not like football at all, or start following his best friends favourite team or something)

It is entirely possible to support two teams as long as they aren’t local rivals. I’ve done so for 30 years going to up to 40 matches a season. They have been in different leagues for 90% of that time, but not all the time.

I enjoy going to see one club with my dad and the other (my season ticket club) with friends.

I took my partner to see both and he chose one to support but has now given up on football entirely (neither club are particularly successful!)

They both need to grow up. My son supports and follows his Dad and paternal granddad's team and my Dad's team. He has been to matches for both. Tell them if they don't buck their ideas up you are going to start taking your dc to the rugby instead and he won't be allowed to watch or play football.

I'm probably with your DH on this one, depending in part on who your dad supports. Definitely with your DH if dad is a Man U fan with no connection to the area.

I’m probably showing my lack of football knowledge here but Is there a reason why your son can support both teams?

I get the ballet/majorette comparison but surely you’d take the child to both lessons and let them choose?

Why can they do the same with football?

**can’t support both teams

sorry typo

You need to tell your dad to stop. Stop goading your husband. This is something your husband clearly wants to share with his son, your dad had his children.

My dad's team is in the premier League whereas DH team Is in league 2. DH concern is that son would go to watch team with his grandad, see the grandeur of the stadium, atmosphere etc and be tempted away.

Are the teams local rivals? If so I can understand your husband's frustration. This is going beyond a bit off banter.

Thinking it's Forest/Derby but then again Derby still has the stadium/attendance. So don't think it is, but if it is, on your dad's side as why would you want to support Derby

I know it seems trivial to people who aren't into football, but I still go with my dad, and when he's old enough my son will come too (if he likes football!). Enjoying the highs and lows of football with my dad really means something to me. It would bother me if someone were actively trying to persuade him to go in a different football direction just to get to me, which is what seems go be the case here.

This.
I'm really not into football but watching my DH and DS bond over football has been an absolute joy and I know it means so much to DH.

@Nowheretogo1985

I agree with this. Whilst the kids are young, they should follow their dad's team and your father is out of order.

Once they are older it is up to them to decide which team they want to follow.

If you don't follow football passionately then you wouldn't understand.

Yes this. My husband would have been devestated if his sons followed a different team. It is so important.