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Original poster

So what the hell do I do now? ASC can’t take DC anymore

135 replies

ASCNoUse · 10/03/2023 20:52

DC is 8, Y4. Has SN (Not ASD).

They go to Breakfast Club 5 mornings a week, and then 2 nights after school they go to After School Club.

In the mornings it’s quieter so DC sits in the hall eats their breakfast, DC then just sits there happily.

After School is a lot more chaotic, there’s more DC there (55 some nights as opposed to only 15 in the mornings) so DC finds it too much. They’ve taken to sitting in the library. ASC tried to get DC to choose a book from the library but sit in a quiet corner or at a table in the hall/classroom (some days they use both) but DC didn’t like it. When asked they said they need quiet and often have brain fog after school and need time to just think (they have dyslexia and dyspraxia)
.
ASC have now given me notice to say they can’t safely supervise DC. They gave me notice in January to end at Half Term. They are still taking DC in the mornings. They have tried since January to find a solution to hopefully revoke notice but DC still continues to spend sometimes the whole session in the library.

I’m a single parent, I work from home some days but when DC has been home they just want to talk to me as it’s just me and them at home (no other DC, no pets). No childminders with space near to school – I’ve asked around, we’re quite rural so there’s only a handful to start with. No nurseries or outside providers that pick up from DCs school. ExH won’t have DC in the week (he’s been offered by me, a mediator and the courts and he always says no). No family help.

So what the hell do I do now? Give up my job??

OP posts:
smellyflowers · 10/03/2023 20:54

Request flexible working and reduce your hours?

Original poster
ASCNoUse · 10/03/2023 20:55

smellyflowers · 10/03/2023 20:54

Request flexible working and reduce your hours?

@smellyflowers I can't, it's not the type of job that allows it.

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 10/03/2023 20:58

Could you work out a way of them coming home and letting you get on with your work for a few hours?
If they like to sit alone in the library at ASC could you explain to them that on the drive/walk home from school they can talk to you but once you are back at home until you have finished working they need to play/read/watch TV quietly. If they think of anything they want to talk to you about during this time they can write it down and you will talk to them over dinner etc

Interested in this thread?

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Families SEN
Pootleplum · 10/03/2023 20:58

My DD hates ASC so I pick her up and bring her home and have a nice chat, settle her with some food and TV and go back to work. She would rather we sit and chat but understands that I have to work to pay for house, food, clothes and would prefer to be home with me nearby than at ASC. She's 6. Would your DD be ok with that as a deal?

Original poster
ASCNoUse · 10/03/2023 20:58

smellyflowers · 10/03/2023 20:54

Request flexible working and reduce your hours?

@smellyflowers Sorry meant to say I actually work fulltime, but those 3 days I work flexibly to pick up, but I have to be in the office 2 days.

OP posts:
MuggleMe · 10/03/2023 20:58

Is there a friend's parent you can pay to have her? Lay out how vital it is you keep working after picking her up and start a routine of movie and try to build in special time another time for her to unload?

Original poster
ASCNoUse · 10/03/2023 20:59

Sorry everyone the 2 nights are my office days so DC can't come home as I'm not there.

OP posts:
BernadetteIsMySister · 10/03/2023 21:01

A babysitter or nanny to bring them home.

CatsGinAndTwiglets · 10/03/2023 21:01

If after school club is offered to all the other children it’s against the equality act to exclude one child for reasons that fit that criteria which diagnosed SN would.

CatsGinAndTwiglets · 10/03/2023 21:02

CatsGinAndTwiglets · 10/03/2023 21:01

If after school club is offered to all the other children it’s against the equality act to exclude one child for reasons that fit that criteria which diagnosed SN would.

Even if it means they have to employ more staff to support the child.

RandomMess · 10/03/2023 21:05

Advertise at 6th forms and colleges for an over 16 babysitter twice a week to collect him and take him home?

Flowersinmai · 10/03/2023 21:06

Could DC use noise cancelling earphones or some other sensory aids ? Then sit in the quiet corner. Like the ones you can buy for concerts. Or earplugs
I understand that while DC would prefer to be in the library this isn’t possible. So could alternatives be tried?

Choconut · 10/03/2023 21:06

Could he/she manage staying in the hall with ear defenders or headphones on?

BearLeft · 10/03/2023 21:10

I’m confused. Sorry if I’ve got it wrong. Has your child been excluded from after school club for their behaviour? Are there childminders locally? I was a single mum. Have always worked full time. It is hard. But rewarding. Don’t quit your job.

Original poster
ASCNoUse · 10/03/2023 21:10

Flowersinmai · 10/03/2023 21:06

Could DC use noise cancelling earphones or some other sensory aids ? Then sit in the quiet corner. Like the ones you can buy for concerts. Or earplugs
I understand that while DC would prefer to be in the library this isn’t possible. So could alternatives be tried?

@Flowersinmai They tried this but DC still said it was too busy as there was too much going on around them. The hall often has a ping pong table or similar set up, plus tables for craft, colouring etc. so its distracting. Classroom they often put a film on, which DC says is too much for them straight after school.

They sit happily at home quietly in their room on my WFH days (they choose to go to their room I never force them), so I don't think it's a bad behaviour thing.

Will look into a teen or similar. Thats a good shout.

OP posts:
Original poster
ASCNoUse · 10/03/2023 21:12

BearLeft · 10/03/2023 21:10

I’m confused. Sorry if I’ve got it wrong. Has your child been excluded from after school club for their behaviour? Are there childminders locally? I was a single mum. Have always worked full time. It is hard. But rewarding. Don’t quit your job.

@BearLeft Been told that they can't safely supervise DC because DC wants to be in the library and not the hall/classroom. Not bad behaviour but I can see why they're saying no.

No childminders with space that pick up from DCs school, we're rural so theres only a handful anyway.

OP posts:
Grapefrui · 10/03/2023 21:13

What happens at the after school club if they tell your child it’s not safe for them to be in the library alone? Is their behaviour then too difficult for them to manage or is it more that your child is unhappy/crying? They can’t exclude a child because they are unhappy. I feel like there must be a solution to this. Is the club run by the school or an outside provider?

TheaBrandt · 10/03/2023 21:13

Dds 17 year old sensible friend looks after her neighbours primary aged dc 2 days a week until parents get back - network locally.

Mammillaria · 10/03/2023 21:14

No advice but I hope you find a solution.

I presume there's no chance of your DC's father paying for a nanny on the afternoons you can't WFH and provide care?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/03/2023 21:15

Nanny or childminder?

Original poster
ASCNoUse · 10/03/2023 21:16

Grapefrui · 10/03/2023 21:13

What happens at the after school club if they tell your child it’s not safe for them to be in the library alone? Is their behaviour then too difficult for them to manage or is it more that your child is unhappy/crying? They can’t exclude a child because they are unhappy. I feel like there must be a solution to this. Is the club run by the school or an outside provider?

@Grapefrui Club is run by school. DC gets very upset if they're told they can't stay in the library and often refuses to come back into the hall/classroom but is never violent. If they manage to get DC back in, then DC spends the time trying to sneak out to go back to the library.

OP posts:
Flowersinmai · 10/03/2023 21:18

That must be hard for your DC. A long day at school and it’s totally understandable they want a quiet place to decompress.
Maybe a local Student looking for some Part Time work. But it’s a shame the ATC won’t/cant make allowances.

Verylongtime · 10/03/2023 21:18

Is it not possible for them to sit in the main hall with headphones but facing a wall so there are no distractions? I think the ASC should be able to create a little nook for them somewhere. A small pop up tent even? Can they take a big hoodie to wear with a large hood that they can put up to obscure some of the visuals?

NancyJoan · 10/03/2023 21:19

CatsGinAndTwiglets · 10/03/2023 21:01

If after school club is offered to all the other children it’s against the equality act to exclude one child for reasons that fit that criteria which diagnosed SN would.

They aren’t excluding them, the DC keeps leaving the setting. The ASC provided is in the hall, the DC refuses to remain in the hall and is insisting on being in a different room, which is not used by the ASC.

Comedycook · 10/03/2023 21:20

Would your work compromise on time in office versus at home...so instead of two full days in the office, maybe you're in the office for 4/5 mornings a week and then WFH in the afternoons?