So what the hell do I do now? ASC can’t take DC anymore

[ASCNoUse]

DC is 8, Y4. Has SN (Not ASD).

They go to Breakfast Club 5 mornings a week, and then 2 nights after school they go to After School Club.

In the mornings it’s quieter so DC sits in the hall eats their breakfast, DC then just sits there happily.

After School is a lot more chaotic, there’s more DC there (55 some nights as opposed to only 15 in the mornings) so DC finds it too much. They’ve taken to sitting in the library. ASC tried to get DC to choose a book from the library but sit in a quiet corner or at a table in the hall/classroom (some days they use both) but DC didn’t like it. When asked they said they need quiet and often have brain fog after school and need time to just think (they have dyslexia and dyspraxia)
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ASC have now given me notice to say they can’t safely supervise DC. They gave me notice in January to end at Half Term. They are still taking DC in the mornings. They have tried since January to find a solution to hopefully revoke notice but DC still continues to spend sometimes the whole session in the library.

I’m a single parent, I work from home some days but when DC has been home they just want to talk to me as it’s just me and them at home (no other DC, no pets). No childminders with space near to school – I’ve asked around, we’re quite rural so there’s only a handful to start with. No nurseries or outside providers that pick up from DCs school. ExH won’t have DC in the week (he’s been offered by me, a mediator and the courts and he always says no). No family help.

So what the hell do I do now? Give up my job??

An 8 year old??

OP what line of work do you do? Is it possible to swap to agency work where you can dictate your hours?

If school won't accommodate and work won't accommodate you're going to have to find either a school or employer that can.

Me? I took no advice as I only work there. I assume the school took advice.

The ASC is run as a separate business, are they legally obliged to follow the same rules as a school?

This is really hard. For all the right reasons/intentions everything seems so heavily legislated now, but I bet within a couple of miles of school there are trustworthy people v capable of looking after your DC for a couple of hours for some extra cash to enable you to continue working. It’s just a case of finding them - which seems impossible.

Hope you find a solution.

Meant to say school/business

An ASC is a business like any other. They are obliged not to discriminate against clients on the basis of protected characteristics and must make "reasonable adjustments " to accomodate those with special needs. What constitutes "reasonable " can only ultimately be determined in court.

Does the school have a portable medical screen they could use to cordon off an area for your child or a pop up tent for them to sit in whilst wearing noise cancelling headphones.

Pay a student to bring them home and watch them at home?

Some info which may help. ASC should be making reasonable adjustments. Have these been tried for long enough? Are they suitable?

www.iask.org.uk/parents-and-carers/inclusion-and-equality/

Have you a spare room for an au pair? Do aupairs still exist?
we had them from when DC started school till about 9 when we were both working full time. Very flexible. Yes, does take effort . You could be very specific with them what you and daughter need them to do

Local teen sounds good.

Au pairs are hard to come by since Brexit. There are no specialist visas.

A local teen will no doubt be at school themselves. They finish later than primary school children and they’d have to get to the school as well.

A sensory need is not a want.

I’m so sorry OP. This is appalling on the schools part and yet another episode of single parents being thrown under the bus. I’d kick up a fuss if I were you and contact the LA if need be. So what if your DC uses ASC to read a book? That’s hardly disruptive. Sorry but this kind of thing enrages me. You should be getting support from the school so you can work.

My dc would find asc very difficult. They both have sen.

One would find if difficult but would probably manage it with some adjustments.

The other wouldn’t manage it at all. We’ve tried numerous holiday clubs and none met his needs and ended in disaster.

After a long day at school he needs time to decompress and relax. He wouldn’t be able to do that in an asc environment.

If it was me I’d see if they can try the tent/partition idea with headphones? Or the quiet room idea?

Please ignore the comments around behaviour. It sounds like Need rather than Want.

Good luck OP. I know it’s hard.

I have a similar dc, but asd and I think probably you and the ASC need to do more. Why is the library open if dc can’t go in? It should be locked so this is not an option. Why isn’t there a quiet zone for all children who want it? Im sure your dc is not the only one who would benefit from this after a long day and they should have enough staff to provide it. On the flip side your dc needs to understand that ASC is not optional. You’re doing dc no favours if you let them think that rules - I.e don’t go in the library don’t apply to them, but you and ASC need to work together to help dc find coping mechanisms.

A pop up tent in the corners with a comfy cusion and blanket and a couple of books maybe?

We're any attempts made by ASC to remedy this before they gave you notice? Ask if you can sit down with them and try and reach a compromise?

Yep, I am sympathetic and I feel the ASC could do with a quiet room/zone for others who don’t like the noisy bright environment but in the absence of that it’s best if they can grow to tolerate this and make whatever adjustments they can eg. Ear defenders.

I had to just get on with certain things as a ND kid because my mum was a single parent and not rich.

A balance needs to be met but if it’s just two evenings a week hopefully the kid can try and manage it.

This might be a good chance to help build resilience in your child OP. Unfortunately society is set up for NT/extroverted people and they’ll probably encounter this in the workplace. It doesn’t mean don’t ask for reasonable adjustments but it does mean you should be aware it’s not always practicably possible.

OP, I don't have any advice but this kind of thing is an example of stuff I find so utterly insane about the

UK. In the country where I live, kids start walking home alone from 6, and Y4 age is where the public afterschool club provision starts being wound down because more and more of the kids are just getting themselves to afterschool extra curriculars and then going home to empty houses to wait for a bit until parents get home (if you work long hours, you look for a private afterschool club, but I didn't even both by that age). Perhaps that's a little extreme. But the UK is extreme in the other direction, not allowing a child who will be secondary school aged in three years' time (and who appears to be perfectly capable of behaving sensibly when alone) to sit alone in a school library for a bit.

I too have Dyspraxia and one of the quirks if you want is sensitivity to high pitch. Very noisy spaces were incredibly uncomfortable as a child. As an adult I’ve had to learn to live with it. As others have said maybe noise cancelling headphones and a tent might be an option. If that doesn’t work then maybe a willing university student could help at home as their timetable may be more flexible than someone who is still at school.

my friend's DD is a postgrad student and has lots of child care experience - she does school drop off and pick up two days a week for a family. Do you live in a University town @ASCNoUse ? that might be an option.

I think that I would try to find a teen or student to look after her as a temporary solution. Maybe revisit in a few months .

I wonder why your dc’s dad “won’t” help out? It enrages me how so many dads just don’t bloody bother, despite the fact that they made the child and should therefore have 50% responsibility for that child. 😡

I would look for a teen who has a school schedule that would allow them to babysit auger school. If you find an older teen, they could pick up and just function as an after school nanny. He is old enough and it’s just a short time period.

someone younger could work if you could rearrange your work schedule because if you are in the house, a mothers helper is really all you need. Just someone who can help get a snack and give your son some attention if he wants attention.