So what the hell do I do now? ASC can’t take DC anymore

[ASCNoUse]

DC is 8, Y4. Has SN (Not ASD).

They go to Breakfast Club 5 mornings a week, and then 2 nights after school they go to After School Club.

In the mornings it’s quieter so DC sits in the hall eats their breakfast, DC then just sits there happily.

After School is a lot more chaotic, there’s more DC there (55 some nights as opposed to only 15 in the mornings) so DC finds it too much. They’ve taken to sitting in the library. ASC tried to get DC to choose a book from the library but sit in a quiet corner or at a table in the hall/classroom (some days they use both) but DC didn’t like it. When asked they said they need quiet and often have brain fog after school and need time to just think (they have dyslexia and dyspraxia)
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ASC have now given me notice to say they can’t safely supervise DC. They gave me notice in January to end at Half Term. They are still taking DC in the mornings. They have tried since January to find a solution to hopefully revoke notice but DC still continues to spend sometimes the whole session in the library.

I’m a single parent, I work from home some days but when DC has been home they just want to talk to me as it’s just me and them at home (no other DC, no pets). No childminders with space near to school – I’ve asked around, we’re quite rural so there’s only a handful to start with. No nurseries or outside providers that pick up from DCs school. ExH won’t have DC in the week (he’s been offered by me, a mediator and the courts and he always says no). No family help.

So what the hell do I do now? Give up my job??

That was @Dirtydiesel .

But they have to prove they have tried to make reasonable adjustments.

@ Verylongtime

Then you should know better.

If they like books and the library what about a Yoto player with some audiobooks on it that they can listen to at the ASC with headphones? It's not unreasonable to ask the club to set up a 'quiet corner' with some cushions etc. it would benefit more than just your DC. I'd offer to provide the cushions. I'd be a little wary that DC's needs are fully known and met at school if they won't comply with staying in a room. It might be worth pushing for more assessments and an EHCP.

🙄🤦‍♀️another brexit success

I've just re- read your post.

Given the large numbers at the ASC, there must be more than one adult staff member.

Why can't the ASC run across two rooms or across the hall and one other smaller space. The second space is the room for one adult to supervise, for a small group of children, busy with quiet activities. (reading, listening to quiet music, sensory toys, cushions to lay on, throws, soft space to soak up the noise. ). Your child can't be the only one that wants a quiet space, that wants to relax. Maybe this could be planned - your child with one other child, your child with a couple of others, build it up. They would be reasonable adjustments and a plan to move this on.

Unless your child needs a space totally alone, I can't quite see why the above can't be offered.

This happened to me. Except they gave me no notice at all. I had to ask work to WFH after school pick up. This was before Covid when I was meant to be in 5 full days a week. I had to write a letter explaining I could still undertake my full duties from home. Nannies and childminders are rare and expensive. I did try a childminder but she couldn't cope with my DS ASD. If work hadn't been accommodating, I would have quit my job. That is how rough being a lone parent is, you have my sympathies.

SEN does not equate to disability! It may do, depending, but not necessarily.

You must be so stressed with this happening, I really feel for you OP.

In a similar situation, my primary school DC with SEN attends a specialist school with no ASC, and my other DC is in the mainstream primary down the road from us. EXDP does not help in any way on school nights, and spends his time thinking of ways to reduce his payments via CMS.

I employ a live-out Nanny due to the logistical nightmare this would have caused me. Our Nanny also looks after our house and cooks. I appreciate that's an expensive option for a lot of people, though worked out to be best for us.

For you it sounds like you have a few least worst options:

• being in work 5 days a week up to say 2pm, then catching up on work once DC goes to bed
• looking for local teenager or retired person to sit with your DC a couple of nights a week
• paying for 1-1 at school (although this would appear illegal from PP comments)

I would absolutely not give up your job. That's the last resort. Not only are you able to pay the bills, and look after you and DC, I imagine it gives you a sense of achievement, as well as a chance to be a person in your own right (not just DC parent). Mine does anyway.

It is open to the OP's child though, and the OP has even said the ASC have tried to find a solution, but if the child physically refuses to go to the ASC setting what more can they do? No-one is discriminating against the child in this situation.

@Luana1 That was actually addressed to another poster, who’s being charged extra for her child to attend ASC.