So what the hell do I do now? ASC can’t take DC anymore

[ASCNoUse]

DC is 8, Y4. Has SN (Not ASD).

They go to Breakfast Club 5 mornings a week, and then 2 nights after school they go to After School Club.

In the mornings it’s quieter so DC sits in the hall eats their breakfast, DC then just sits there happily.

After School is a lot more chaotic, there’s more DC there (55 some nights as opposed to only 15 in the mornings) so DC finds it too much. They’ve taken to sitting in the library. ASC tried to get DC to choose a book from the library but sit in a quiet corner or at a table in the hall/classroom (some days they use both) but DC didn’t like it. When asked they said they need quiet and often have brain fog after school and need time to just think (they have dyslexia and dyspraxia)
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ASC have now given me notice to say they can’t safely supervise DC. They gave me notice in January to end at Half Term. They are still taking DC in the mornings. They have tried since January to find a solution to hopefully revoke notice but DC still continues to spend sometimes the whole session in the library.

I’m a single parent, I work from home some days but when DC has been home they just want to talk to me as it’s just me and them at home (no other DC, no pets). No childminders with space near to school – I’ve asked around, we’re quite rural so there’s only a handful to start with. No nurseries or outside providers that pick up from DCs school. ExH won’t have DC in the week (he’s been offered by me, a mediator and the courts and he always says no). No family help.

So what the hell do I do now? Give up my job??

Surely your DC's father needs to step up?

You must be so stressed.

I appreciate and understand the context. The environment doesn’t suit this child. It must be really difficult for everyone. But the practical reality is that mum will have to reduce her hours until appropriate childcare is found. It is tough. But life often is. Really difficult and heartbreaking though. Tough gig. All the very best to OP.

I don't excuse the behaviour at all, I've told DC that they need to be in the hall or classroom so that I can work. They also understand that they have to go those 2 days a week, and if I had the option/could afford to they wouldn't go at all.

Will discuss a tent with ASC as well or see if they have any of those partition things I've seen used in classrooms maybe they could use a few of those and create a corner or something that with headphones might just work.

Can they stay in the library after school anyway and you collect after work? We used to - long time ago obvs.
The alternative is they come home, you say hello, give them snacks set them tasks - this could be anything, reading, drawing, listening to music and not a chore - with a no disturbance until xyz time unless it's an emergency. Then you can crack on with your job.

Good luck, OP.

I work in a school and after school club and we have a child that requires a 1:1 and the parents pay the standard fee and then pay for the 1:1.

Is that an option?

Our ASC sounds a lot more friendly and fun though to be honest!

I wonder if you could pay a babysitter? Childcare student? Try fb page? My child goes to a village school about 8 children at breakfast club I can understand how 55 children is a lot. I worked from home with my kids after school in the past I gave them screens until I as done at 5pm.

The equality act talks about reasonable adjustments. It does not force companies or institutions to implement any and all adjustments requested. So you can't state that the ASC have to take the child. It may be that the adjustments the child would need (a 1-2-1 to supervise them in the library perhaps) are not reasonable (maybe due to cost grounds) in which case the ASC would not need to implement them.

I’d look for a babysitter. It’s a good job for a retired person or a college student. Pick up child, feed snack. A couple of children at DD’s primary had that.

Surely for your own child's mental health and wellbeing you need to shift your working pattern so you can collect from school at usual time, not use ASC.... (Do you have a partner to share the load with?)

It's a really long day doing breakfast club and ASC even for a NT child. Longer than an adult working day. Yes this sounds judgy but I don't think you're prioritising your child's wellbeing, that's all.

I agree with this too OP, with sympathies. But you giving up your job seems ridiculous when it is just something that your child would prefer and isn't really harming them. Ear defenders, a big hoodie and the many other good suggestions on here should be the compromise. DC is going to have many situations in future where they will just have to get on with it regardless of what they'd prefer, and now seems a fairly easy place to start them getting used to it.

I really do feel your pain. You’re superwoman . Genuinely. There’s only so much we can do though. There isn’t a single thing wrong with stepping back. Take a little career break, maybe? It will be okay in the end.

@rattlemehearties No I'm a single parent so no partner and my DCs dad won't have them in the week, if they had them just for 1 or 2 nights a week I work that'd ease the burden.

Will speak to my manager about shifting my start and end times but not sure what they can do really, I already have more days at home than others in my department, and there's more staff than desks so not sure I can move my working days around to just do mornings.

Come on, @rattlemehearties , you know it’s not as easy as all that.

But OP has already been told her daughter can’t attend?

Could you switch your office days to Mon and Fri when ASC is likely to be quieter?

Could you ask the school to open up a classroom as a "quiet room" for children to read/draw - your DC cannot be the only one who struggles in a noisy environment. This would make it more inclusive for other children too.

That's not just judgy - it's cruel and unhelpful!

They come home, eat a snack the its quiet time til you finish work. They can stay in their room play/draw/read/think but no disturbing mum.

Are you sure the only SN is dyslexia/ dyspraxia OP?

How do you know the DC is a girl?

She’s not there though she’s in workplace office. He’s only 8 so too young to be home alone. Most don’t do ‘latch key’ until secondary in my area.

@Dixiechickonhols ah, I misread. No that definitely won't work then.

And what did the legal advice you took about that say?

Because the OP says so. Like she’s said the facility can no longer accommodate her kid because of behaviour issues. I assume it’s a woman posting. But OP will have to fit work around childcare. Like everyone else has to.

Can your DC get home o their own and relax at home until you come home?