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Original poster

What do private schools do that state schools don't?

488 replies

Mommymoments · 09/03/2023 12:24

For me the local private does
Weekly swimming
Learning an orchestra instrument (extra cost)
Debating
Language (Spanish, French, German & afterschool Latin, Mandarin & Russian)
Yoga
Hockey & Lacrosse
Lots of sporting & drama opportunities
Excellent field trips out of school
Ski trip from Y7 onwards..

Would love all that for my dc's but can't afford it. But would love to hear about all the nice extras your dc's get at their private.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/03/2023 13:06

ItsReallyOnlyMe · 09/03/2023 13:02

Having gone to private school myself and so did my own children none of us, or their friends, have got further or better jobs due to 'Connections'. Undoubtedly it's happened somewhere but not in my experience. Employers are really rigorous with recruitment these days and it no longer is based on 'who you know'. There may be an exception for a family business however.

In addition to all the differences mentioned above my DD's school held, in the sixth form, a 'networking afternoon' where basically parents volunteered to mingle with students chatting with them about aspirations - designed to build confidence which I thought was a good idea. I also volunteered to do practice job interviews with them - (the students who already worked were so much better at being interviewed which is why my DC all had jobs before they went off ti university). I'd be interested to know if this sort of thing happened at state school.

Yes, my dd's state sixth form does exactly the same thing.

She also had something similar in Year 11 at a different state school.

A lot of the interviewers are from local employers but many parents help out too.

Ridikulus · 09/03/2023 13:06

I think a lot of what parents seek out in the private sector is typically what you find at a state grammar school. Maybe there is cause to bring back grammar schools?

MadamNoo · 09/03/2023 13:06

Cheat teacher assessed grades in a pandemic

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

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DanceMonster · 09/03/2023 13:07

Ridikulus · 09/03/2023 13:05

Mine had all that (including Latin) at a state school.

And that’s brilliant if you happen to live near a state school that offers those things, but loads of us don’t.

underneaththeash · 09/03/2023 13:07

the difference between our two private schools and our state grammar are that the private schools actually teach properly, have a modicum of pastoral care, don’t over sell themselves, understand that children are different from each other and have different academic and emotional needs.

plus the private school have better extra-curriculars.

Soozikinzii · 09/03/2023 13:08

One of my 5DSs got a Scholarship just for the 6th form we just paid his living expenses there . He did well and everything . We don't see him now . He grew away from us so much . Be careful what you wish for !

MissyB1 · 09/03/2023 13:10

arghtriffid · 09/03/2023 12:49

Public speaking from a young age LAMDA and meeting adults regularly in formal settings to gain confidencw.

This 👆LAMDA and public speaking have done wonders for my ds, he’s an incredibly confident public speaker now, and can also debate very intelligently.

But the other advantages have been, smaller classes (so much more attention), great clubs, loads of sport (he takes part in some form of sport every single day).

As a pp said not all of us live in areas with amazing state senior schools. And not all of us can relocate to such an area.

Workingwithchildcare · 09/03/2023 13:11

For us, the local state schools were awful (huge super school). DC started at state and then moved to private for primary. Then we moved away at Secondary age but again, state schools didn’t work for our DCs specific needs and so they are at private.

There are some fantastic state schools local to us but fantastic in what way. Highly academic? Definitely not the environment for my DC. Poor SEN provision is unfortunately a recurring theme and as we can put them in Private due to our own personal circumstances (no family money) we have done.

They have been nurtured and supported in a way state schools just can’t do. It sucks. I feel for families who don’t have the same opportunities. I can’t change of state education system so we’ve had to take matters into our own hands. It’s got its benefits but both DH and I went to state school and it’s not held us back at all. It would have been our preferred option.

Starlitexpress · 09/03/2023 13:12

Social networking is huge, it's the difference between doing work experience at Poundland or the World Health Organisation in Switzerland. Your school friends parents will open many doors.

Smaller class sizes but longer hours.

Sport facilities can be amazing. One girl I know liked her boarding school as she could take her pony with her and another picked the school as it had a full 18 hole golf course to go with the pool, fully equipped gym, squash courts etc.

DwightShrutesgirlfriend · 09/03/2023 13:13

I moved my youngest from state to private at nine. He was in a class of 32 and was getting forgotten and struggling academically - absolutely no blame on the teacher, she had all her time taken up with others. I have also worked in state schools and think there are some great ones, particularly for self-motivated children. The things I feel private school have done for my youngest....

  • He left with fabulous A level results giving him great options for university. I put this down to small class sizes and loads of personal attention.
  • He can talk to anyone and will comfortably chat to adults he meets. I do think this has been fostered by the way his teachers interacted with him.
  • He had access to great facilities and loads of sporting activities. He played sports that just weren't available at our local comprehensive.
  • He has great confidence in himself. I don't see this as superiority, just a belief that he can try anything. Again an attitude fostered by the school.

In an ideal world I would love for all children to have access to what he has had. Of course, I can't possibly know how things would be if he'd gone to state, but I have no regrets about the money we have spent.

Shinyandnew1 · 09/03/2023 13:15

Smaller class sizes is the main one-allows the teacher much more time to spend on each child. Not all of the teachers are qualified teachers at our local private school so I definitely wouldn’t say the calibre of staff is categorically better. They don’t generally have the same proportion of children with additional and high needs as state school either

Sistanotcista · 09/03/2023 13:18

WimpoleHat · 09/03/2023 12:37

My DDs are at private school. Most of it is bullshit, quite honestly. One of my DDs plays an instrument and the orchestra is quite nice, but, with the exception of one little girl who’s clearly a bit of a musical prodigy, they’re all mediocre players at best (and that’s putting it kindly!). But the way the school bangs on about their “talented musicians”, you’d think it was really something special. Same with the drama group and the sports teams (who see
to travel endlessly as they only play other private schools).

What you do get is:

  1. A very MC intake with a laser like focus on education from the parents. This is a mixed blessing as you get a high proportion of over tutored kids and extremely earnest parents. It is also, undeniably, a bit of a bubble. But the peer group is highly focused and that does set the tone.
  2. Mostly very high quality staff. (Obviously, this can also be the case in state schools.)
  3. Swishier facilities (for what that’s worth - but that’s where a lot of the fees are going).

Remember too - for a lot of people, private education is a huge expense. It’s most of their disposable income. So they have to believe it’s the best thing ever (and will often proclaim this loudly) in order to justify the cost to themselves. If you’re in that position (and the higher the cost, the more people in this bracket), you can’t do it unless you’re a believer. Hence you’ll get hundreds of posts on here proclaiming that their school is the best thing ever etc etc. But I’d take it with a pinch of salt.

This made me smile. Very apt. My DD is also at private school - when we arrived in the UK there were no places available at the local schools, and the council basically shrugged and offered to put her back a year, as they had places in the lower year group. So we bit the bullet and applied to private school. It does cost almost all our disposable income, and we've had to give up lots of things that we could previously afford - at least occasionally (holidays, new clothes, and pudding spring to mind as the ones I miss the most!) She certainly won't benefit from the connections, as she finds them all quite self absorbed, and is unlikely to stay in touch after she leaves school. Moreover, she plans to settle in another country, so the cool connections will be of no use whatsoever. It has been a wonderful eye-opener for her in terms of how privileged and close minded people can be, and in turn it's made her think about the world and the sort of person she would like to be. I agree about the high quality staff - she has had wonderful teachers, all of whom are dedicated and supportive. (This may well be the case in local comps - I have no comparator). Overall, I', glad we did it, as holding her back a year unnecessarily would have been unfair, and a massive confidence knock. Not sure it would have been our first choice if other options had been available.

tomfromloveislandsbeard · 09/03/2023 13:19

It's definitely not the staff. I've taught in both sectors fairly extensively and the hardest working, most passionate have generally been in the tough state schools. Many in private are unqualified.

The difference is simply you don't have the disruption caused by the kids of poor or working class families. You're paying for your child to be in a lovely safe middle class bubble. Which is fine, but don't pretend it's about shiny facilities or even class sizes because it's simply the intake.

Jules912 · 09/03/2023 13:19

Refuse to take any children with SEN (or at least make it very difficult).

BramleyAppleHotCrossBun · 09/03/2023 13:20

The biggest pro, for me, is the ability for girls to get away from secondary aged boys. I have secondary aged boys who are, for the most part, lovely, but the stories they tell me about their peers are horrific.

I'd rather home school than send DD into that environment tbh. The misogyny is foul. Yes, girls are bitchy, but at they tend not to sexually assault one another.

Wishyouwerehere30 · 09/03/2023 13:22

To those who say they could/afford to send their child to PS but choose not to; what an incredibly privileged position to be in.
My parents would have sold a kidney to send me to a good school! (council estate upbringing).
My 2 children now go to PS and the opportunities they have for sport/music/drama/education are great, which unfortunately our state just doesn't offer.
I am grateful every day to have been able to have had that choice for them.

tomfromloveislandsbeard · 09/03/2023 13:23

The poster above who mentioned the 'attitude' private school kids end up with is definitely a confidence borne of not having to navigate adolescence whilst being in a zoo of disruptive and bullying behaviour, from poorly patented kids who aren't having their needs met at home and are playing up at school, damaging the emotional confidence of those around them. Easy to stand up and make a speech about the UN or whatever when you know no one is going to be sniggering at you and going to do more than snigger when you get to the playground. I would love that for my kids, but the vast majority of state schools (grammars and state schools in affluent areas less so) have the more intelligent kids masking their abilities and cowering from the noisy and dominant lower class kids.

Ali85 · 09/03/2023 13:25

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 12:37

As does our state school, in fact you can buy them outside if you fancy it.

Show quote history

You could buy the, in the tuck shop at my state school; just had to ask for a ‘special’, allegedly.

Level7wannabee · 09/03/2023 13:25

Some of these private schools with ponies sound a bit OTT.

Our local private has skateboarding club and lego club which theyre immensely proud of 😂😂😂 they focus on fun and smaller classes.

I hope we can afford it for secondary!

(We don't have grammar schools in this county. And our local secondary is well known for after school attacks. Even on Year7s!)

Sistanotcista · 09/03/2023 13:27

maybehon · 09/03/2023 12:45

There are good and bad private schools. Some are much worse than the local state. Some are much better.
A top private school will have excellent teachers, pastoral care and opportunities. A bad private school teaches entitlement and superiority.

The best private schools have a huge focus on community activism, supporting local initiatives and making boys realise that will privilege comes social responsibility.

I cannot emphasise that enough. My kids who go to private schools are kind, community minded and have a big interest in the state of the world. They do not think they are better than anyone.

The best private schools have a huge focus on community activism, supporting local initiatives and making boys realise that with privilege comes social responsibility.

  • Why only teach this to the boys? Surely it's important for the girls to know this too?
DanceMonster · 09/03/2023 13:27

Level7wannabee · 09/03/2023 13:25

Some of these private schools with ponies sound a bit OTT.

Our local private has skateboarding club and lego club which theyre immensely proud of 😂😂😂 they focus on fun and smaller classes.

I hope we can afford it for secondary!

(We don't have grammar schools in this county. And our local secondary is well known for after school attacks. Even on Year7s!)

My best friend’s year 7 son is at our local state secondary. He comes home absolutely bursting for the toilet every day as the older kids hang around in the toilets at break/lunchtime and don’t let the younger ones in. They’re not allowed to the toilet in lesson times unless they have a medical note proving a health issue.
Another reason my children won’t be going there.

Level7wannabee · 09/03/2023 13:29

@DanceMonster we have that problem here too. Its awful :(

Cantstaystuckforever · 09/03/2023 13:29

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 09/03/2023 12:35

The biggest difference I see is class sizes & time the teachers can give to them as individuals

Beyond that choice and variety outside of core subjects

Came to say the same. Can live with my kids missing swimming lessons, but so sad for them that they're lost in a class of 32 with excellent teachers but so many kids with far more urgent needs, instead of being seen and individually catered to in a class of 12 like their cousins.

Orangepods · 09/03/2023 13:29

I went to private, dc go to state. I’d say I had more sporting opportunities, we did sports as part of the school day most days, from a young age. I loved this but not great if you aren’t into sport! Other than that, I can’t see much difference. I never learnt an instrument other than a brief spell on the harmonica. I didn’t do drama and wasn’t arty, maybe these were better facilities? My dc are still at primary but the local state secondary seems to have amazing facilities, so I’m not sure they’ll actually miss out on anything much. And so far I’m very impressed with their state primary.

Nottodayplease36 · 09/03/2023 13:30

Teachers who bend over backwards to get them the best grade they can.

Small class sizes, with children of similar ability

Lots of sport/trips etc

Nicer facilities

Confidence

Connections