Page 8 | Sleeping in the living or dining room - making it work

gwrachod · 2023-03-04T23:17:45+00:00

We're 4 people in a 3 bed - my DC's dad and I live as if a couple still, even though we haven't shared a bed for years, and never will again. Eventually, we'll either split or move to a bigger house, but neither are on the cards just now, so I need to work out a semi-permanent solution. The DC are 10 and 15. I was on the sofa in the living room for the first few years, then we swapped last summer. DP is on the sofa, but it just isn't working having the living room doubling up as his bedroom, I knew it wouldn't (which is why I chose the sofa originally). So, I need to work out how else to do it. There is one v. large bedroom. DS (15) is in it and I'd like to keep him there, as he's getting bigger and needs space for his hobbies and studying for his GCSEs. Then there's also a double bedroom, a single bedroom and the dining room, the same size as the double. I'm thinking DD in the double, so she has space to play and have mates round, "DP" in the single and me in the dining room. But I'm not keen on losing the dining room completely. Am I mad to think I could keep it as a dual function room? I've been looking at daybeds and thinking of having it as a dual function room. Is this a crazy idea? If I do that there's no space for a wardrobe, I'd maybe have to get a large wardrobe for DD's room and share it, or convert the hall cupboard into my wardrobe. Or, should I just accept we lose the dining room, and always eat in the front room? What would you do?

Sugarfree23 · 05/03/2023 10:12

Rosscameasdoody · 05/03/2023 09:08

If you intend to stay together a better solution might be to move DS into the double room and you and DH move into the very large room in separate beds. You could get a room divider of some sort if you want more privacy than that.

That's what I was thinking.
That way it prevents someone having to sleep downstairs with stuff all over the house.
Put the wardrobes side by side in the middle of the floor.

Buying a bigger house together almost seems bonkers (waste of money moving) when they're is likely to come a time when you want to separate property.

JuneOsborne · 05/03/2023 10:13

Leave the bedrooms as bedrooms.

You need to reconsider the 2 reception rooms. One needs to be a bedroom.

I'd make the smallest reception room a bedroom. And repurpose the larger reception into a dining/sitting room.

Fold out table or space saving table and chairs. Cheaper and easier than space saving beds that need to be put away every morning and got out every evening.

I know it's only a year, but everyone needs their space, a bed and you want that communal living space.

When it comes to selling it should be easy enough to make the smaller reception look like a dining room.

HappinesDependsOnYou · 05/03/2023 10:14

Not sure if it's been suggested but could you not move dd into the double and dh into the single. Then get a bunk bed or something and you have the bottom and she has the top? When friends come over you go on a sofa bed downstairs?

I am all up for kids having their own space but as you say it is temporary and the alternative is to lose living space which is worse really. It also isnt right that you dont have a proper bed and surely your kids would prefer to share then see their mum on the sofa? she gets her own space still as surely she goes to sleep before you and just let her decorate it however if your that keen for it to be hers. You just use it for a proper bed and clothes storage

Pumpkin20222 · 05/03/2023 10:15

Could you fit a fold-out dining table in the sitting room? Then a couple of times a week have dinner on it there.

Or use the dining room as a bedroom, but keep the fold-out table and chairs in there as a sideboard. Then a couple of times a week push the sofa out the way and make the sitting room a place to eat?

Not ideal, but it may be less hassle than splitting bedrooms and at least everyone would have their own space and you wouldn't be wrecking your back sleeping on a sofa.

Sleeping in the living or dining room - making it work

Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 10:15

Calmdown14 · 05/03/2023 08:50

If you can put a hanging rail in the airing cupboard that would make a big difference . Perhaps keep the top shelf for some bedding and towels but move the rest into the right person's bedroom (should be fine given the kids both have big rooms).

With downstairs, could you effectively create two sitting rooms. Sounds daft initially but may work better for resale.

So thin out the furniture in the main living room to make room to accommodate a table so it becomes living/dining. A table with a bench one side so it is neat and a couple of comfy dining chairs that can be multi functional might work.

Then dress the second one as a cosy second snug (which might be helpful in avoiding each other!). Either with a day bed or with a decent sofa bed.

Make sure it has storage like the IKEA ones suggested or go for something like this where you can stash all your bedding easily l. I'd get a thin memory foam topper and effectively roll the lot so it is a very quick set up/fold away. Then you have another space to snuggle with your daughter and watch a film which dad watches something else.
www.habitat.co.uk/product/6980038?&cmpid=cpc&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=6717019354&utm_content=shopping&utm_term=&utm_custom1=79002086763&utm_custom2=785-748-9804&gclid=CjwKCAiAmJGgBhAZEiwA1JZoljeIbyHWtGhSPbrcFMyWXHQeqwkL721vlQCSgyj2nfF0bWeAfw66lBoC278QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

This is an interesting idea! I like the idea of the dining room being a snug.

Whatever we do with it, DD will need to come in to do her piano practice. (Piano can't go anywhere else).

And I think we could fit a folding table in the living room if we reorganise it.

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Blingstar · 05/03/2023 10:17

I also second that you sound lovely and trying to do what's best.

If you search wallbeds on Google you'll find options. I've slept on these in the USA, quite common. But maybe out of your budget. The good thing about them is you fold it up in tact so you're not having to make up a bed every night.

The loaf option would be comfortable occasionally but not every night. My sister has one.

The IKEA Hemnes day bed has the option of a pocket sprung mattress, with storage underneath. That might be the best option? About £600. The comfort of the mattress would be the main draw for me if you're using it all the time. I've slept on one of these too but it was the foam mattress and not very comfortable.

Realise I sound like a nomad here... good luck!

Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 10:17

HappinesDependsOnYou · 05/03/2023 10:14

Not sure if it's been suggested but could you not move dd into the double and dh into the single. Then get a bunk bed or something and you have the bottom and she has the top? When friends come over you go on a sofa bed downstairs?

I am all up for kids having their own space but as you say it is temporary and the alternative is to lose living space which is worse really. It also isnt right that you dont have a proper bed and surely your kids would prefer to share then see their mum on the sofa? she gets her own space still as surely she goes to sleep before you and just let her decorate it however if your that keen for it to be hers. You just use it for a proper bed and clothes storage

Yes a bunk bed is a possibility.

I'm thinking maybe a fold out bed in the living room, plus a bunk bed - or maybe a trundle bed in DD's room (which will be the double) to give flexibility.

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Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 10:18

Blingstar · 05/03/2023 10:17

I also second that you sound lovely and trying to do what's best.

If you search wallbeds on Google you'll find options. I've slept on these in the USA, quite common. But maybe out of your budget. The good thing about them is you fold it up in tact so you're not having to make up a bed every night.

The loaf option would be comfortable occasionally but not every night. My sister has one.

The IKEA Hemnes day bed has the option of a pocket sprung mattress, with storage underneath. That might be the best option? About £600. The comfort of the mattress would be the main draw for me if you're using it all the time. I've slept on one of these too but it was the foam mattress and not very comfortable.

Realise I sound like a nomad here... good luck!

Haha, not at all!

Very useful, thanks. I like the look of the loaf one, but I wasn't sure about comfort.

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Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 10:20

NuffSaidSam · 05/03/2023 09:56

So who shares the big room?

OP doesn't want to share with DP.

DS can't share with DP.

DS and DD? 15 year old boy and 10 year old girl? That's less than ideal.

DS and OP? 15 year old boy and his mum? Less than ideal.

So, it's the ten year old sharing with one of her parents, but the OP has already said she'd prefer to prioritise her DD's ability to have her own room over saving the dining room.

So it's not really about the size of the DS's room, because there isn't a good sharing solution even if he vacates that big bedroom.

Show quote history

Yes, exactly! Thanks for getting it DumpedinKilburn. The size of DS's room is a bit of a red herring, wrt who sleeps where.

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Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 10:23

RandomMess · 05/03/2023 09:58

DP in the dining room with some sort of bed that accommodates the table still being used - much smaller different table and day bed perhaps?

DPs clothes in DS room as it's the largest.

DD double

You single room.

I don't want DP in the dining room either. I'd rather him out of the way in the single, than snoring away in the dining room. And I'd have less reason to wake him up and move him than I do when he's on the sofa.

Currently the first thing I do every day is wake DP up, to reclaim the living room. He either gets up, or he moves upstairs and goes back to bed in the double I've just got out of.

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Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 10:28

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 05/03/2023 09:50

At one point we had three children and two bedrooms. The children had shared a room for a while but we wanted DS to have a room separate from the two DD's so we decided to get a futon for the living room. We bought an expensive one from a bed shop rather than a sofa shop. We had an ottoman in the hallway where we kept our bedding and the rule was that the bedding was put away before the school run every morning. At weekends all the kids would join us in bed for breakfast and it was really lovely!

It worked for us as a couple because we would go to bed/get up together. I don't know if it would have been so practical for one of a pair of adults.

Aw, that's a lovely image!

I do worry that if the whole house is in single beds, DD won't be able to get in and snuggle of a morning. I mean, maybe she's getting too old for this and if it's not possible, she'll just grow out of it.

But she may just try to get in with me, in the single bed! She slept top to toe with me on the sofa a few times, when I was too tired to wake up enough to make her go back to her own bed. (This was a while ago, she was smaller. And our sofa is huge!)

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Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 10:35

JussathoB · 05/03/2023 09:43

Where was your ex sleeping before, when you were on the sofa?

He was in "our" bed.

I didn't move down to the living room "officially" originally. I moved there without any thought for the future - it was simply that it was a hot summer and I was struggling with the heat and the living room was the coolest room at night.

So I slept downstairs so I could get a decent nights sleep. I snore loudly, so it helped DP get a decent night too.

And I just never moved back up again. And over that time, it's become clear that we're never going to share a bed again, for reasons I'm not going to go into on this thread. I may start a new thread in relationships at some point, but not here as it's not going to help with the furniture!

DP offered to swap many times, and we did eventually.

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CrapBucket · 05/03/2023 10:36

OP my heart goes out to you, what a hard situation.

Do the DC know that the house will be sold before too long? I know they are your priority, and I think this is key. My friend's house very quickly turned from a family home into an unloved space, when she split with her H and they did some temporary changes to who slept where, putting kettles and microwaves in bedrooms so people could avoid each other etc.

When I split with my ex, the first few months we continued to share a bed. As things deteriorated we then had an air bed on the floor of our shared bedroom and took it in turns for who slept on it. It was horrendous. But meant that we could get the house sold, and in the meantime nothing changed for the kids.

I wouldn't have wanted to swap their bedrooms about for a while and then move house, dragging out the disruption.

Ime sofa beds aren't great because they always feel kind of messy. I had one in the lounge for teenagers having sleepovers and it was annoying when it wasn't put away first thing. Have since changed to sofa big enough to sleep on. Its much better! Comfy and tidier. So I'd recommend that if it could fit in the dining room.

I would do everything possible not to share or even store things in DDs room. She could easily see herself as 'your best friend' which is lovely on one hand but long term not healthy overall. And it will be harder in long run when you have moved and she's due to go to her dads.

You sound determined and hard working and loving to your DC, I'm sure you will come to a good solution- lots of luck to you.

NuffSaidSam · 05/03/2023 10:38

Could the piano go in DD's room if she moves to the double?

maddy68 · 05/03/2023 10:41

Make the dining room into a proper bedroom. It's the only practical solution unless you out up a partition wall in the big room and split that into two

MMMarmite · 05/03/2023 10:56

I've not read every comment so i apologize if someone else already raised this.

If you're stuck with this situation, I recommend that you think through how your teenagers can "save face". Is there anything that would be noticeable by their friends? Do they have a way of explaining if someone notices?

Uni-age I had a boyfriend whose parents who had a bad relationship and slept in this set up. He would never invite me to stay over at his in the holidays, and it took a long time for him to explain why, as he felt so embarrassed and worried about betraying their privacy. I didn't know how to react at the time, but with adult eyes I feel really sad for him.

Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 11:05

CrapBucket · 05/03/2023 10:36

OP my heart goes out to you, what a hard situation.

Do the DC know that the house will be sold before too long? I know they are your priority, and I think this is key. My friend's house very quickly turned from a family home into an unloved space, when she split with her H and they did some temporary changes to who slept where, putting kettles and microwaves in bedrooms so people could avoid each other etc.

When I split with my ex, the first few months we continued to share a bed. As things deteriorated we then had an air bed on the floor of our shared bedroom and took it in turns for who slept on it. It was horrendous. But meant that we could get the house sold, and in the meantime nothing changed for the kids.

I wouldn't have wanted to swap their bedrooms about for a while and then move house, dragging out the disruption.

Ime sofa beds aren't great because they always feel kind of messy. I had one in the lounge for teenagers having sleepovers and it was annoying when it wasn't put away first thing. Have since changed to sofa big enough to sleep on. Its much better! Comfy and tidier. So I'd recommend that if it could fit in the dining room.

I would do everything possible not to share or even store things in DDs room. She could easily see herself as 'your best friend' which is lovely on one hand but long term not healthy overall. And it will be harder in long run when you have moved and she's due to go to her dads.

You sound determined and hard working and loving to your DC, I'm sure you will come to a good solution- lots of luck to you.

Thanks xx I hope it's all sorted now for you?

DP and I haven't lived as a couple of many years now. I've lost track - maybe 6 years? We get on as friends, day-to-day, and better since I've given up trying to fix things.

e.g. we both hang out together and watch TV of an evening, after the DC have gone to bed. And we sometimes do things as a family on the weekend.

So, we're not actively trying to avoid each other, thankfully. Some space for both of us to retreat to wouldn't go amiss though.

I think you're probably right about storing things in DD's room. I might store some in DS's room though, come to think of it.

I have a beautiful giant chest of drawers that can only fit in the big bedroom. DS isn't using all of it. Perhaps I could use the bottom drawer for the towels and bed clothes. I don't think he'd mind, and he does have the large room after all.

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Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 11:10

MMMarmite · 05/03/2023 10:56

I've not read every comment so i apologize if someone else already raised this.

If you're stuck with this situation, I recommend that you think through how your teenagers can "save face". Is there anything that would be noticeable by their friends? Do they have a way of explaining if someone notices?

Uni-age I had a boyfriend whose parents who had a bad relationship and slept in this set up. He would never invite me to stay over at his in the holidays, and it took a long time for him to explain why, as he felt so embarrassed and worried about betraying their privacy. I didn't know how to react at the time, but with adult eyes I feel really sad for him.

It's not at all obvious that someone's sleeping on the sofa. DS's friends would only know if he chose to tell them.

I like the idea of the dining room being dual purpose, if I was in there, so hopefully the DC could just not mention it, if they found it embarrassing.

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Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 11:11

Also, it's not that our relationship has broken down recently - the DC haven't witnessed a split as such. It's been this way for ages. I don't think it registers as odd to them, it's just the way things are.

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Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 11:17

Minimalme · 05/03/2023 09:01

P.S: just do what works best for you, don't listen to those who choose to criticise.

The main thing you all need is comfort and privacy and you can achieve that by popping a day bed in the dining room.

We sleep in the living room because our three dc have additional needs and benefit from their own space. They are beautiful, kind and loving with not an entitled view between them.

Thanks xx

The dining room is looking like the best option for comfort and privacy, isn't it.

I bet your DC get a lot out of having their own space. Meeting our DC's needs best we can isn't necessarily the same thing as spoiling them! (DS has SEN also.)

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gwrachod · 05/03/2023 11:24

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 05/03/2023 08:51

What does your DH think? Im interested in his view? Certainly for me the dining room has to be used. Everyone can eat on their knee with a tray in the lounge so then u can ditch the table. A small thing for everyone to do in the scheme of things.

I expected people to ask this - I'm surprised it took so long tbh!

DP will go along with whatever I say. Trying to get an actual opinion out of him is like getting blood out of a stone. He will go along with whatever I say is best for everyone. If he doesn't like it, he will be stoic about it and try not to let anyone know. He will run a mile rather than engage in a conversation about it. I am over trying to work out what he wants / really thinks - about anything. Instead, I will try to accommodate his needs along with everyone's, best I can, and I know he will go along with it.

I know he needs a bed to sleep in, somewhere to put a desk and store his stuff. The single room is a decent step up from the sofa.

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Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 11:43

Thanks for all your comments, everyone. This has really helped me work out priorities, and see that the dining room isn't a totally crazy plan!

My working plan (may change!) is:

Dining room - turn into a "snug" / my bedroom

day bed or folding bed (there have been some great options here)
clear out sideboard, put my clothes in it
take out table
Get rid of chairs
Keep piano and small desk
Maybe a coffee table
Maybe keep new folding chairs in here when not being used in dining room

Living room:

get rid of either the cupboard or the TV unit
move the armchair to either the snug or DD's new room
Get new corner sofa (to save space and replace seat lost with armchair)
Put folding table in. Maybe current one if it works, maybe a new one
Folding chairs, maybe a bench

Double

DD's new room. Get single bed with trundle.
Use her furniture from old room. plus some new bits to make it feel special
Move one chest of drawers to DP's room, get rid of other one

Single

DP's room. You could just fit a double in - up to him if he wants that or a single.
Desk
Chest of drawers

Large double

DS's room - as now
Store towels and bedding in his bottom drawer of huge chest of drawers

Hall cupboard

turn into my wardrobe

I think that's it.

Will get day bed new. Will probably get sofa second hand, have seen lots of bargains locally.

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justasking111 · 05/03/2023 11:50

www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=hanging+rail&crid=3R6ZPRX88JCT6&sprefix=hanging+rail%2Caps%2C151&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Clothes storage. When we bought a house with no clothes storage I bought some hanging rails for clothes and boxes for shoes.

Then DIL borrowed them for the same reason. They're waiting for youngest to need them now perhaps.

IKEA do some great fabric wardrobes my son used for a time as well. www.amazon.co.uk/Trintion-Wardrobe-Clothes-Hanging-Cupboard/dp/B08PF3KFJL/ref=mp_s_a_1_2_sspa?crid=2CWZ76QQKPGCX&keywords=foldable+closet&qid=1678016985&sprefix=foldable+closet+%2Caps%2C184&sr=8-2-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRm&psc=1

Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 11:58

I'm thinking something like this single fold down bed, with some kind of topper (thanks @Sunflowermoonbeam) or this day bed (thanks @Namechangedone)

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Original poster

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 12:02

Oh noooo! The grey one is from Habitat, it's on sale - a bargain at £250 - but it's out of stock near me when I put my postcode in! Gutted!

I wish it showed where it was in stock. Is it showing in stock for anyone else?

www.habitat.co.uk/product/9527326

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Sleeping in the living or dining room - making it work

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