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Original poster

Sleeping in the living or dining room - making it work

249 replies

gwrachod · 04/03/2023 23:17

We're 4 people in a 3 bed - my DC's dad and I live as if a couple still, even though we haven't shared a bed for years, and never will again.

Eventually, we'll either split or move to a bigger house, but neither are on the cards just now, so I need to work out a semi-permanent solution.

The DC are 10 and 15.

I was on the sofa in the living room for the first few years, then we swapped last summer. DP is on the sofa, but it just isn't working having the living room doubling up as his bedroom, I knew it wouldn't (which is why I chose the sofa originally). So, I need to work out how else to do it.

There is one v. large bedroom. DS (15) is in it and I'd like to keep him there, as he's getting bigger and needs space for his hobbies and studying for his GCSEs.

Then there's also a double bedroom, a single bedroom and the dining room, the same size as the double.

I'm thinking DD in the double, so she has space to play and have mates round, "DP" in the single and me in the dining room.

But I'm not keen on losing the dining room completely.

Am I mad to think I could keep it as a dual function room? I've been looking at daybeds and thinking of having it as a dual function room. Is this a crazy idea?

If I do that there's no space for a wardrobe, I'd maybe have to get a large wardrobe for DD's room and share it, or convert the hall cupboard into my wardrobe.

Or, should I just accept we lose the dining room, and always eat in the front room?

What would you do?

OP posts:
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21
GnomeDePlume · 05/03/2023 08:54

gwrachod · 05/03/2023 08:22

Just under 12' by 10.5' approximately.

No great DIY skills sadly.

Show quote history

So, good sized room. This is a bit bigger than my guest/sewing room arrangement. (One wall is lost to a built in wardrobe crammed with stuff DD isn't yet prepared to make a decision about)

Does the dining table fold down? Are you prepared to replace it with a dropleaf table?

My local auction house regularly has drop leaf tables (victorian/edwardian). Solid mahogany tops. Normally sell for £10-£20. Do you have access to a van or large estate car? Local 'man with a van'?

With that size room you have space to put the bed up against a wall when being a dining room.

A zenus smart base folding bedframe (under £100 on amazon) plus mattress will fold out of the way.

Theelephantinthecastle · 05/03/2023 08:54

Presumably you have stuff in the sideboard so if you take that over for clothes, the stuff in the sideboard needs to go somewhere

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 05/03/2023 08:56

If you move the piano (either to the lounge or get rid if not used) you should have space for a daybed or folding bed. (Don't get anything that needs attaching to the wall.

Replace the dining chairs with either stools or a bench to go under the table and shove it against the wall.

Then cover the temp bed/ daybed with a colourful throw when using as a dining room.

Keep costs low and no drilling. Concentrate on getting moved.

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Home improvement
Minimalme · 05/03/2023 09:01

P.S: just do what works best for you, don't listen to those who choose to criticise.

The main thing you all need is comfort and privacy and you can achieve that by popping a day bed in the dining room.

We sleep in the living room because our three dc have additional needs and benefit from their own space. They are beautiful, kind and loving with not an entitled view between them.

Changemaname1 · 05/03/2023 09:04

Dining room seems fairly big so I’d free up space for a pull out sofa bed that will also look “normal” during the day

I’d leave your clothes wherever they are now and stick stuff you don’t wear much or is seasonal in storage boxes in the loft since how this seems to only be a temporary thing until you move

agree no point faffing changing rooms about

justasking111 · 05/03/2023 09:05

@gwrachod looking ahead to the move when you split up. Chances are you will be in a much smaller place so downsizing means some of the furniture will have to go and some of the hobby stuff too.

My dining room suite had to go as well as some of OH hobby stuff. A lot of other stuff too. I after some sadness found it quite liberating

2023Hope · 05/03/2023 09:06

just wanted to say OP you sound like a very lovely mum intent on doing your best for everyone. Hope you find your solution.

Rosscameasdoody · 05/03/2023 09:08

If you intend to stay together a better solution might be to move DS into the double room and you and DH move into the very large room in separate beds. You could get a room divider of some sort if you want more privacy than that.

Booooot · 05/03/2023 09:13

Sorry if I’ve missed this but why are you and your ex living together like this? It doesn’t really seem to be benefitting anyone!

Doesanyoneknowwhattheyaredoing · 05/03/2023 09:18

What about the hemnes day bed from Ikea - can be used as a sofa durning the day and has large drawers so you will have some space for your things. Can then be made to look like a sofa when you have the table in there / are having viewings at the house. It has a normal mattress so will be comfortable for you to sleep on for an extended time

Channellingsophistication · 05/03/2023 09:19

I think, I would put a bed in DD double room and share with her. A comfy daybed would be ideal if ok to sleep on all the time. Then it can be used as a sofa for her friends and you don’t have to compromise your downstairs space. I think it’s important for your mental health to have a sense of your own space too. Generally house sales take longer than expected to sort out so its important everyone ok. Also your DS might feel bad having a big room with you sleeping downstairs…

DaveyJonesLocker · 05/03/2023 09:21

Lose the dining room. Just make it your bedroom.
Is there space in the living room for a folding table?

Channellingsophistication · 05/03/2023 09:21

I have the IKEA Hermes daybed which is quite comfortable but has quite a thin mattress. It has three big drawers underneath.

DumpedinKilburn · 05/03/2023 09:28

I hope you work something out but, in my world-so just my experience-the biggest bedroom has always been for the adults, the second biggest room for the oldest child and the box room for the youngest.

I don't know anyone who would give up the biggest bedroom for the child and then think about accommodating that by sleeping in the dining room

! Maybe I'm unreasonable but it wouldn't occur to me to do that, even if the child's hobby was putting together full size dinosaurs!

Could you take the double room back and put twin beds in there for you and DP, especially as it is only going to be temporary?

There is enough room for all of you-it is DS having the double that is causing the problem.

Left · 05/03/2023 09:31

Would a nesting type arrangement be possible? Obviously depends on budget but could you rent a small studio flat and alternate weeks there with your ex-partner, whilst the other stays in the family home? Or if you both have family in the area, would they have space to accommodate each of you for alternate weeks (appreciate it’s a massive ask and depends on family dynamics etc).

Tumbleweed101 · 05/03/2023 09:36

I think I’d make the dining room a proper bedroom and rearrange the living room for a small space saving type dining table. That way you have your family room to spend time together in but you all have your own space for everything else.

JussathoB · 05/03/2023 09:43

Where was your ex sleeping before, when you were on the sofa?

NuffSaidSam · 05/03/2023 09:44

DumpedinKilburn · 05/03/2023 09:28

I hope you work something out but, in my world-so just my experience-the biggest bedroom has always been for the adults, the second biggest room for the oldest child and the box room for the youngest.

I don't know anyone who would give up the biggest bedroom for the child and then think about accommodating that by sleeping in the dining room

! Maybe I'm unreasonable but it wouldn't occur to me to do that, even if the child's hobby was putting together full size dinosaurs!

Could you take the double room back and put twin beds in there for you and DP, especially as it is only going to be temporary?

There is enough room for all of you-it is DS having the double that is causing the problem.

The problem is they need four bedrooms, but only have three. The size of the DS's bedroom doesn't change this. The OP has already said she doesn't want to share with, what is clearly, an ex-dp.

DumpedinKilburn · 05/03/2023 09:49

That's true but if the large bedroom could be shared in some form, then they would have the equivalent of four.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 05/03/2023 09:50

At one point we had three children and two bedrooms. The children had shared a room for a while but we wanted DS to have a room separate from the two DD's so we decided to get a futon for the living room. We bought an expensive one from a bed shop rather than a sofa shop. We had an ottoman in the hallway where we kept our bedding and the rule was that the bedding was put away before the school run every morning. At weekends all the kids would join us in bed for breakfast and it was really lovely!

It worked for us as a couple because we would go to bed/get up together. I don't know if it would have been so practical for one of a pair of adults.

NuffSaidSam · 05/03/2023 09:56

DumpedinKilburn · 05/03/2023 09:49

That's true but if the large bedroom could be shared in some form, then they would have the equivalent of four.

So who shares the big room?

OP doesn't want to share with DP.

DS can't share with DP.

DS and DD? 15 year old boy and 10 year old girl? That's less than ideal.

DS and OP? 15 year old boy and his mum? Less than ideal.

So, it's the ten year old sharing with one of her parents, but the OP has already said she'd prefer to prioritise her DD's ability to have her own room over saving the dining room.

So it's not really about the size of the DS's room, because there isn't a good sharing solution even if he vacates that big bedroom.

RandomMess · 05/03/2023 09:58

DP in the dining room with some sort of bed that accommodates the table still being used - much smaller different table and day bed perhaps?

DPs clothes in DS room as it's the largest.

DD double

You single room.

JackiePlace · 05/03/2023 10:01

Twin beds in the double room for you and ex DH?

Original poster
gwrachod · 05/03/2023 10:01

2023Hope · 05/03/2023 09:06

just wanted to say OP you sound like a very lovely mum intent on doing your best for everyone. Hope you find your solution.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
Theelephantinthecastle · 05/03/2023 10:02

The basic problem is that the OP wants 4 people to have their own rooms in a 3 bedroom house without giving up a reception room.

That's basically not possible - either two people share and her and the DD is the only compatible option there or one reception room becomes a proper bedroom.

Once she picks one of those options, it's just about moving some furniture

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