Sleeping in the living or dining room - making it work

[gwrachod]

We're 4 people in a 3 bed - my DC's dad and I live as if a couple still, even though we haven't shared a bed for years, and never will again.

Eventually, we'll either split or move to a bigger house, but neither are on the cards just now, so I need to work out a semi-permanent solution.

The DC are 10 and 15.

I was on the sofa in the living room for the first few years, then we swapped last summer. DP is on the sofa, but it just isn't working having the living room doubling up as his bedroom, I knew it wouldn't (which is why I chose the sofa originally). So, I need to work out how else to do it.

There is one v. large bedroom. DS (15) is in it and I'd like to keep him there, as he's getting bigger and needs space for his hobbies and studying for his GCSEs.

Then there's also a double bedroom, a single bedroom and the dining room, the same size as the double.

I'm thinking DD in the double, so she has space to play and have mates round, "DP" in the single and me in the dining room.

But I'm not keen on losing the dining room completely.

Am I mad to think I could keep it as a dual function room? I've been looking at daybeds and thinking of having it as a dual function room. Is this a crazy idea?

If I do that there's no space for a wardrobe, I'd maybe have to get a large wardrobe for DD's room and share it, or convert the hall cupboard into my wardrobe.

Or, should I just accept we lose the dining room, and always eat in the front room?

What would you do?

I would give up the dining room, so that everyone has a proper room. Then just eat in the lounge.

Ah, I see the people who love to have a go have turned up!

DD was given the choice and chose to stay put.

When I moved DS into the big room, I asked DD if she wanted to move into the double room. She didn't want to, she said she liked the way her room was and all her stuff in it.

And she's not clingy. She's a very confident girl. But she's always been affectionate, she loves cuddles. The reason she comes and gets on with me is simply that she likes being here, and I've never chased her out.

Most families, as far as I am aware, strongly discourage their DC from being in bed with them, but I don't mind it. I bet more DC would be in bed with their parents if they'd let them!

She's a year older now, and the things she liked about her room (e.g. the cabin bed) she's growing out of now, and she's ready to move to a bigger room.

If you’re selling soon, sharing with your dd is the perfect solution. The room would be hers for friends etc and you could decamp to the living room for sleepovers. My dd has her own room but slept with me for approximately 5 years and until she was 11 and in secondary. You should also really have the master set up as the parental bedroom for viewings so I would swap with your ds when it’s time to sell and if you need to buy new duvet covers, these could be ones, which appeal to your dd as she will be getting more mature tastes soon or just plain white as that’s a good option for selling as long as you add accent colours.

In essence, I’d save your money for the move and for anything, which adds value to your home (as in staging it) as you will take this with you to your next house.

Why do the kids need a double bedroom each? Bonkers. Spilt one into two for ex and son.

It seems utterly mad to me that you've prioritised a separate dining room over you having a proper place to sleep.

Get a proper bed for the dining room and everyone can just eat off their laps, or by a fold out dining table for the living room.

I’m honestly thinking of that poor girl. Her brother is being treated like a king. He’s the master room, all to himself, whilst she sleeps in the smallest with her parents stuff in there, and one parent sofa surfing.

it’s so damaging,to show such utter preference to one child over the other like this. No wonder she’s showing signs of deep insecurity and getting in with her mum. From her point of view this is so damaging . Her parents even gave up the master for this boy, whilst she is treated to as little as possible.

it’s shocking.

treat your kids equally op; your daughter is not deserving of so much less.

My clothes aren't in her room just now. The current set up is DS in the big room, me in the middle room, DD in the single and DP in the living room.

The middle room I'm currently in has all my stuff and DP's stuff in it at the moment.

Oh my giddy aunt!

DS isn't being treated like king!

DD was given the choice of a bigger room and chose to stay put!

She's always played musical beds at night, for many years before DS had the bigger room.

You can accuse us of lax parenting or indulging her whims and there may be some truth in that! But favouritism? Nope.

Maybe you should just actually split up with DP and get him to move out? This isn't a way to live and your DC are seeing a really dysfunctional family environment which isn't normal.

Ah ok

I think you need to bear in mind clothes storage - your DD might be better off staying in the single and having that properly to herself rather than having a double which you and DP are constantly in and out of because that's where all your stuff is.

I actually was in the same position as a 10 year old and I chose the small room as fully mine over sharing a room with my mother's stuff and having her in and out the whole time.

Or if she is really happy to share with you, that feels like a decent solution too but moving her to the double, you not sleeping in it, but keeping your stuff there seems like a half way house that doesn't work well.

Or you make downstairs a proper bedroom for you which I would have as higher priority than a dining room personally

Ikea also do one of these footstool beds. As I said, I’m with the share with your dd in a double camp though. To sell, your house should be kitted out traditionally with a dining room if there is space and the master as the parental master.

If your ds continues to have the master (I suggest this happens until you sell at most), why can’t your clothes go in there? At 15, he also needs to know to make sacrifices. I have a year 10 dd and she understands not everything in life goes her own way.

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/vallentuna-sofa-bed-module-kelinge-anthracite-s69396697/

And where has the idea come from that our stuff is in her room? It isn't.

I’ve got a bit of a different view on this. If you might sell in the next 12 months I wouldn’t do anything which would be likely to make rooms look squashed or confuse viewers about their usage.

So something like a day bed in place of the sofa or one of the folding beds would be fine but changing the dining room to a bedroom would be a bad idea in my opinion.

in your position I would buy a second hand caravan or a freestanding garden office room. In a few weeks once the weather gets warmer either you or the kids dad has the caravan. Choose something you can resell easily when you move. Basic clothes with you, the rest of the clothes and personal stuff in the room with the other adult.

I agree with this. If your son has the very big room, yours and the dad's drawers should be in his room. Your poor daughter, this is really unfair.

Couldn’t they study at dining room table? That’s where I studied

If I move DD onto the middle room and I'm in the dining room, then I'll move all out stuff out of it, with the exception of I might put my dresses and stuff that needs hanging up in her wardrobe.

I'm thinking the rest of my clothes could go in what is now the side board in the dining room.

Unless we share. I'm thinking about that as an option, but not sure as DD needs her own space really

Cross post. I’m on the same page with keeping the house in a traditional lay out. The caravan isn’t a bad idea now that the weather is heating up. It also would allow you to ‘separate’ a little.

Sorry I think this was my fault - you said your stuff was in the small double and I hadn't fully understood that your DD wasn't yet in that room

But I do still think you need to think through the storage stuff more carefully - if you give the children both the big rooms, it's going to be quite hard for you and DP to store your clothes. You'll either need to use the kids rooms which I think defeats the point of them having their own rooms or fully convert the dining room to a bedroom. I think either a) keep the double for one of you so you have storage or b) make the dining room a proper bedroom

What about your DP's clothes?

If your plan, where you say DD will have the double, you say your drawers, etc would be in with her, not son. Thst's not fair.

Yes, I think you're right about thinking about buyers. A more temporary solution and focusing on selling is probably the wisest solution isn't it.

Sadly the garden is tiny, no space for a caravan or garden office.

No. The drawers are in there now. I'd move them out if DD moved in.

If I'm in the dining room, I'm not sure where my clothes that needed hanging up would go.

I suggested getting a large wardrobe for DD's room so my dresses have somewhere to go - or convert the hall cupboard.

But not all my clothes, no.

If he gets the small room, he can put his clothes in there.

Yes, this is the bit I can't quite get my head round - where the clothes are meant to go!

Love the idea of a caravan. Nowhere to put it, sadly.