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Original poster

I think my husband has blocked me?!

506 replies

MyBloodyBrother · 03/03/2023 20:45

He’s not been responding to WhatsApp messages today but has definitely been reading them. I messaged him again about 30 mins ago and it’s staying on one grey tick and his profile pic has disappeared.

He could be on the train so it could be that he has no signal but that doesn’t explain why his profile pic has gone.

OP posts:
Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 04/03/2023 11:16

SamSmithsGoldenShower · 04/03/2023 11:05

I'm honestly shocked at the amount of people who'd give behaviour and a situation like this the benefit of the doubt.

What normal person (man or woman) would live away from their family during the week without contact with their spouse and minimal contact with their children, using the excuses given by the OP.

The posters suggesting he's not having an affair are gullible and naive. Situations like this enable people to have affairs so much easier, and I have heard of and known if this to happen with many many people. As others have mentioned it's way more common than most people think / want to believe. People find ways to have affairs when they're working full time and living at home. Living away from home in their own place during the week is enabling an affair even more.

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Totally agree. But according to op and a few others, the people pointing this out are the bad guys and cruel for saying it.

Anyway, even if he isn’t cheating he’s not a very nice person. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone where I was 2nd best. I’ve been there and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Speaker82 · 04/03/2023 11:17

LakieLady · 04/03/2023 10:16

Someone who worked at the same council at me did that. It was in the days before mobiles, so a lot easier.

He applied for a job in the LA where his bit on the side worked and got it. His wife was delighted he'd got a significant promotion and sort of enabled it by saying she didn't want to move, or the kids to change schools as they were just starting GCSEs/A-levels. He lived with his mistress Mon-Fri and his wife at weekends. He'd sometimes spend all weekend with the bit on the side, citing weekend conferences etc. It went on for 2 years.

I never knew how his wife found out, but she rocked up at his office one day to "surprise him". The teenage kids were old enough to leave by then, and she found digs for him and stayed there with him during the week. She actually used to come to work with him and just sort of hang around, drove him to meetings and so on.

Three months later, he took early retirement and was never heard of again. Neither was his mistress, who went on sick leave and never came back.

We were all gobsmacked, he seemed like such a nice, genuine bloke, a sort of absent-minded professor type, and very highly regarded professionally. His wife confided in his secretary, who was the biggest gossip in the county, so the whole sordid story became common knowledge.

Men can be such duplicitous and cowardly bastards.

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The sad part is his wife used to make him dinners for the week to take up with him. He'd reheat them in the office.

Thirtyandflailing · 04/03/2023 11:23

I was following your thread last night I completely get what you mean about locking the door etc my dh works away and can’t believe yours has blocked you and not come home. I’d have a locksmith in and change the locks and pack up all his things. Also I’d be starting a child maintenance claim, costs £20 I think and if you know his earnings even better, however the CMS team have instant access to hmrc reports so can find his earnings. My son would be absolutely devastated if his dad wasn’t home when he’s supposed to be. Sending you strength xx

vagueandconfused · 04/03/2023 11:36

It doesn't matter what he is or isn't doing. The set up and contact doesn't suit the op and he couldn't give a shite.

What a complete and utter waste of your time and energy. Time to cut him free and get on with life. No more worrying about what he's up to or when or if he will come back. No worrying about whether he is going to reply. Live your life according to what you want and stop trying to fit in with his agenda.

Best of luck x

Original poster
MyBloodyBrother · 04/03/2023 11:36

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 04/03/2023 11:16

Totally agree. But according to op and a few others, the people pointing this out are the bad guys and cruel for saying it.

Anyway, even if he isn’t cheating he’s not a very nice person. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone where I was 2nd best. I’ve been there and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Show quote history

I’m not saying the people pointing out that he might be having an affair are the bad guys. I’ve said myself that he might be having an affair. I’ve said that he doesn’t have another family (he had a vasectomy after dc2 was born), doesn’t love with another woman (I know his flat in London and there is no possible way a woman lives there unless she also likes navy sheets, decor that consists of a photo of the NY skyline, a single set of cutlery and plates and is happy washing with Head and Shoulders) and he won’t harm himself physically because I know what few things in life stress him out and being busy at work or me being upset with him are not issues.

I’m pissed off with the people constantly revelling in trying to make it worse than it is. My husband broke my heart a couple of years ago when we split and I spent a long time getting over it. He seemed truly shocked that I left and did absolutely everything to convince me he’d changed and I would never have got back together with him if I didn’t believe he had 100%. Hence my post a couple of days ago saying it was out of character as he’d done nothing to suggest he was slipping back into his old ways until that point. He might be having an affair, I understand that and think it’s absolutely possible. Constant replies of “he’s got another family” or “he might have harmed himself, how would that make you feel?” are unnecessary and cruel.

My life has been turned upside down in the past 24 hours and when things have happened previously MN has been supportive and really helpful until I was at a point I felt ready to speak to people in real life and make things more “official”. Many women on this thread have been supportive and I do truly appreciate it. I don’t understand what motivates people to make comments trying to make a situation worse though. I don’t want to continue this relationship for the reasons I already have. I’m trying very hard to act normally around my children and looking at MN to see people gloating about my naivety is incredibly hurtful.

OP posts:
Hooklander · 04/03/2023 11:36

JudgeJ · 04/03/2023 11:03

Why is it not normal? Not all people find it necessary to constantly stalk their partners.

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That's really quite a silly thing to say.

Barbecuebeans · 04/03/2023 11:40

OP I'm so sorry. It is such a difficult thing to get your head around.

It must be so additionally hard having accepted his assurances a few years ago. It takes a lot of energy to try and end a long term relationship and having the thoughts you may need to do it again so quickly must be devastating.

Give yourself time to think and be kind to yourself in the meantime.

macaronicheese123 · 04/03/2023 11:41

@MyBloodyBrother You don’t seem naive, You seem like someone kind who was willing to give someone a second chance and that kindness has been taken advantage of. On a positive note, you’ve left him once so you know you can do it and get through it, wishing you all the best!

Howsimplywonderful · 04/03/2023 11:46

I worked with a number of men, who were working away during the week. They weren’t having affairs and worked long hours during the week to make sure they got home at weekends.

in most of their cases, their wives had moved close to family support and they had followed the jobs.

but they often spoke of their wives and communicated with them. We were doing project work which unfortunately involved too many late nights.

I wasn’t married either at the time and my husband was the other side of the country. This time of the year I was wrecked after driving 5 hours each way at the weekends in the dark, my husbands business meant he had to work Saturdays so I had to do all the driving. It was exhausting.

i used to work late Monday - Thursday to make sure I could leave on Fridays, I managed three years on a big project until it completed, took my money and ran

MatildaTheCat · 04/03/2023 11:50

@MyBloodyBrother Ive only read your posts and just want to wish you well and hope you have support to get through this. Your H sounds very foolish but sadly that’s not uncommon even among highly intelligent individuals.

Good luck.

IncessantNameChanger · 04/03/2023 11:50

People are always nasty on here OP. There is always someone who, for example feels that your dh being a equal partner is controlling or weird. But more than that, people come on here with the intention or being bitchy and hurtful.

newlysinglemum94 · 04/03/2023 11:51

I am only here for support really. I hope you are ok today x

Dominoeffecter · 04/03/2023 11:53

Greensleevevssnotnose · 03/03/2023 21:08

Why are you hounding him. I last messaged my partner 18 months ago before yesterday

That’s bizarre

whitebreadjamsandwich · 04/03/2023 11:54

Op, I think that should be the line drawn and I hope replies now are only supportive - you know what you need to do

zingally · 04/03/2023 11:59

Very sorry OP, but it sounds like he's making the first steps of leaving you (again). It's time to make a start of safeguarding yourself and the DC(s?) financially and in terms of a roof over your heads.
You can do better than this weirdo.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/03/2023 11:59

Unfortunately, I've noticed an increase in OP taunting on MN, and it's so nasty.
Who knows who they are but they are not engaging to be helpful, more to undermine. Ignore them.
Sorry, you are going through this OP. Hopefully, you will hear something from him soon and will be able to work out what is going on, which is much better than being in the dark and left to speculate and worry.
Hope you and your DC can plan some nice things to do this weekend. Distract yourself as much as possible.

Nanny0gg · 04/03/2023 12:22

zingally · 04/03/2023 11:59

Very sorry OP, but it sounds like he's making the first steps of leaving you (again). It's time to make a start of safeguarding yourself and the DC(s?) financially and in terms of a roof over your heads.
You can do better than this weirdo.

Have you read her posts?

She has

CheshireCat1 · 04/03/2023 12:23

I’m sorry that you’re going through this awful, heartbreaking time. Please try to look to the future because, yes, there is one. The next few months will probably be a bit of a rollercoaster for you but you will get through it and come out the other side stronger and happier. Please believe me when I say that things will be better for you and your children in the long run, just be kind to yourself.

Mawbagz · 04/03/2023 12:26

MN is just becoming such a nasty place. I’ve defected to a new forum called femvox which was set up by an MNer. It’s only just started so pretty quiet still but the vibe is so much nicer.

OP: many of these response aren’t helpful, I’d never look for support on MN now thanks to the toxic culture, sex chat nonsense and constant dildo adverts. I hope you sort things out and get support elsewhere. You won’t get it here sadly.

Barbecuebeans · 04/03/2023 12:26

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/03/2023 11:59

Unfortunately, I've noticed an increase in OP taunting on MN, and it's so nasty.
Who knows who they are but they are not engaging to be helpful, more to undermine. Ignore them.
Sorry, you are going through this OP. Hopefully, you will hear something from him soon and will be able to work out what is going on, which is much better than being in the dark and left to speculate and worry.
Hope you and your DC can plan some nice things to do this weekend. Distract yourself as much as possible.

I think you're right.

There used to be a few mean posters but nowadays they go completely to town and repeatedly post, castigating the OP for being in whatever situation she's in. It's definitely a thing.

I miss the empathy.

RobertsRadio · 04/03/2023 12:29

So sorry Op. Your DH is cruel not letting you and the DC know what is going on. I hope you hear something later, but it sounds like you have come to the realisation that your marriage is over and this is no life for you and your DC.

I hope you have people in RL who you can turn to for support.

Ignore the fuckwits, they are not worth responding to, they are either too stupid to read all your posts or are deliberately trying be goady and unpleasant and they have definitely multiplied in number in the last few months.

T1Dmama · 04/03/2023 12:31

OMGoodness OP!

Whatever his reasons he is being totally unreasonable and disrespectful … To block you is so nasty…. If he’s left you he could at least have the decency to say that he’s sorry but it’s over… if he hasn’t left you then he’s certainly being a dick!!…. Thank goodness you don’t need to contact him in an emergency hey!!

Id be tempted to text him from a friends phone and say ‘I’ve packed your belongings up and will leave them on the front lawn for you, please collect before the bin men confuse them with junk! … I’ve had to message you from a friends phone since you’ve blocked me… but this is the only one I’ll send from a phone that isn’t mine… DO NOT respond on this phone! If you want contact don’t be such a coward and unblock me!!
You now need to seek legal advice (I think it’s half hour free these days) apply for universal credit, apply for council tax help once that’s come through… apply for child maintenance etc!
whether or not he’s having an affair is at this point irrelevant, I’d be ending this dysfunctional marriage… it’s not normal to work away and ignore all contact with his family! Maybe it does upset him, but if it upset you to not have contact then why does he believe his feelings are higher than yours?!The occasional WhatsApp message is no where need a compromise! What an inconsiderate man! He has a wife and children that he should be jointly responsible in raising, he’s very sexist to think he can just pay the bills and leave you to do everything else for the family!
My husband worked away 9 months of the year, it was hard… he did a 9 week away, 3 weeks home rota… as soon as the mortgage was paid off he quit and came home…

T1Dmama · 04/03/2023 12:32

I hope you’re ok OP. has he responded or returned yet?
what a coward he is to not come home and just block you rather than give an explanation.

UnfinishedBusiness · 04/03/2023 12:38

Really sorry you are going through this op. Can you ask MN to move this over to “relationships”, you might get a bit more support and useful advice there.

Nocutenamesleft · 04/03/2023 12:42

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/03/2023 11:59

Unfortunately, I've noticed an increase in OP taunting on MN, and it's so nasty.
Who knows who they are but they are not engaging to be helpful, more to undermine. Ignore them.
Sorry, you are going through this OP. Hopefully, you will hear something from him soon and will be able to work out what is going on, which is much better than being in the dark and left to speculate and worry.
Hope you and your DC can plan some nice things to do this weekend. Distract yourself as much as possible.

Social media is to blame. Humans are social creatures and there’s things coming out from the creators of it saying that because of our phones and social media we’ve stopped talking to people in real life. Social media works because it goes down our brain stem (very complicated to explain in a short text)

have you not noticed how people don’t give a shit on the roads? How nasty people are getting and not just on Mumsnet. How rude people are now?

it will only get worse too.