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Original poster

Would this traumatise you?

108 replies

PleasantZen · 02/03/2023 13:22

Would these things traumatise you if they happened to you individually?

Being cheated on by husband?

Parents moving abroad for good 10 hour flight away when you were 18 years old?

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 02/03/2023 13:24

Upset me? The cheating husband would but less so the parents moving away. I wouldn't be traumatised though.

MaggieMagpie357 · 02/03/2023 13:29

Yes and yes!

MamOfFive · 02/03/2023 13:29

No to either. The husband thing id be livid but trauma is a strong word.

The parents thing no, not at all but I moved out at 19 and then across the country at 25.

tuvamoodyson · 02/03/2023 13:29

No.

whoruntheworldgirls · 02/03/2023 13:30

Nope. Husband thing i'd be bloody furious.

bananaboats · 02/03/2023 13:30

No and no.

CaramelMach · 02/03/2023 13:31

One off cheating - no. Ongoing cheating wrapped up in gaslighting and emotional abuse, maybe

Parents - no

Trauma is subjective. There are big Tand little t traumas.

flowerbob · 02/03/2023 13:31

Nope. I was in my own place with boyfriend at 17 and although upset when DH couldn't keep it in his pants, I wasn't traumatised and have moved on just fine.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 02/03/2023 13:32

Husband no.
Parents yes. At 18 many are still in education. Even working they would still be reliant on parents for home and stability.

Nimbostratus100 · 02/03/2023 13:33

These things have traumatised me

seeing an acquaintance knifed to death

Standing between a girl in my tutor group and a gunman, who was later shot by another gunman

You are using the word trauma wrongly

xogossipgirlxo · 02/03/2023 13:36

Parents no, husband cheating would cause me trust issues.

Original poster
PleasantZen · 02/03/2023 13:41

@Nimbostratus100

Please can you explain how you think I'm using it wrong?

Here's the definition I'm going off. I'm not talking about PTSD and flashbacks.

Would this traumatise you?
OP posts:
Original poster
PleasantZen · 02/03/2023 13:42

@CaramelMach what do you mean by big T and little T? Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
PleasantZen · 02/03/2023 13:43

@MaggieMagpie357 are you ND?

OP posts:
JoanJettsMullet · 02/03/2023 13:46

I think I would be traumatised if my husband cheated. I can’t imagine being able to ever trust anyone again.

Parents thing would depend on factors, why they moved, what my living situation was at the time, whether other family were still in the country, etc etc. If my parents had done that when I was 18 I would’ve been screwed as I was at uni and living with them in the holidays.

Nimbostratus100 · 02/03/2023 13:46

because trauma and PTSD have specific medical definitions, which normally mean serious accident or assault, physically, or reasonable fear of death, psychologically.

Not upsetting things

Dustybarn · 02/03/2023 13:48

No and no. At 16 I went to study in a country that was an 11 hour flight away from my parents. Best thing I ever did. Both are just ordinary life events. I agree with a PP that this is not how most people see trauma. Most people associate trauma with having been the target of or having witnessed a violent event or intense psychological distress in a domestic, criminal or war context.

Emmamoo89 · 02/03/2023 13:49

Nope

CaramelMach · 02/03/2023 13:56

I'm sure someone qualified would
explain it better than me but

Big T traumas are big events in your life Maybe serious accident, child abuse or seeing someone die in a violent manner (to name some examples)

Little t are smaller events that don't involve disaster perhaps but feel traumatic individually.

Look it up. There is also acute trauma and complex trauma definitions

People use the word trauma inappropriately in my opinion. I give my comments as a trauma survivor both types. Acute and complex trauma.

FiveHundredDucksWentOutOneDay · 02/03/2023 14:00

No.

I'd be upset by the cheating, of course; and rocked for quite a while; but not traumatised.

Parents moving abroad wouldn't be traumatising for most people; I don't think. It would potentially be upsetting if you were close to them - although I'd expect that you'd go with them if you were very close to them - but not distressing or disturbing.

That said, my parents died when I was 12; so perhaps I am biased on the second point.

jays · 02/03/2023 14:02

PleasantZen · 02/03/2023 13:22

Would these things traumatise you if they happened to you individually?

Being cheated on by husband?

Parents moving abroad for good 10 hour flight away when you were 18 years old?

It’s not so much what happens in your life, it’s how it makes you feel, how it affects you. If you are looking for a road out, a husband cheating might feel like a gift, if your parents are abusive or controlling then it might feel like being set free to watch them move far away. It’s so subjective. All that matters really isn’t the incident, just how it makes you feel. Both of these examples can cause trauma yes but under the right set of circumstances and with the right triggers in place, almost anything can.

OriginalUsername2 · 02/03/2023 14:02

Definitely the first. I can imagine yes for the second too.

MaggieMagpie357 · 02/03/2023 14:02

@PleasantZen no I am not. I do have a child who is though. I am extremely close to my parents and we talk almost every day, so the thought of them moving away to somewhere that would take the best part of a day to get to, when I was barely an adult, would definitely traumatise me. I would have felt abandoned and alone at that age.

I don't believe that anyone has the right to decide what is traumatic for a person, sorry. Everyone processes emotions and experiences in different ways. Who am I to decide whether or not someone finds something traumatic?

Lakeyloo · 02/03/2023 14:10

Definitely not, but I guess it's all relative to what else has happened in a persons life. Watching a very close family member (in their prime) take 3 1/2 months to die on an intensive care ward.... traumatising (but not traumatised if that makes sense). Husband cheating: hurt, angry but got over it and no one died. Parents moving away at 18: can't comment, but no one died and I think I would be happy for them if that's what they wanted. We all have different tolerance levels but I personally wouldn't be traumatised by ether of these things.

Nimbostratus100 · 02/03/2023 14:12

MaggieMagpie357 · 02/03/2023 14:02

@PleasantZen no I am not. I do have a child who is though. I am extremely close to my parents and we talk almost every day, so the thought of them moving away to somewhere that would take the best part of a day to get to, when I was barely an adult, would definitely traumatise me. I would have felt abandoned and alone at that age.

I don't believe that anyone has the right to decide what is traumatic for a person, sorry. Everyone processes emotions and experiences in different ways. Who am I to decide whether or not someone finds something traumatic?

because it has a specific medical meaning, which is not met in these circumstances so the word is being used wrongly, and the upshot of that is people being likely to isunderstand the word, and the condition, at other times.

Much like the word "flu" is so overused, so inaccurately that people don't necessarily understand the seriousness when they actually come up against real flu

A friend's husband went home from the GP, quite happily having been told he had flu, thinking "o. only flu" then collapsed and almost died, and after a month in ICU is still in a wheelchair 6 months later!

I have had PTSD - it is a specific condition. Luckily, the HR understood what was meant by "trauma" cos sure as hell, many of my colleagues didn't have a clue!

both of these events might be upsetting - neither leaves you in fear of you or someone else imminently losing their life. Neither requires and emergency ambulance, blood transfusions or immediate surgery.

That is what trauma means