Would this traumatise you?

[PleasantZen]

Would these things traumatise you if they happened to you individually?

Being cheated on by husband?

Parents moving abroad for good 10 hour flight away when you were 18 years old?

The cheating one is bad.

Op everyone has different lives which leads to different levels of reaction,

I would be deeply upset by the cheating, fine with the parents, they were abusive, but I can say neither would traumatise me; but it would others. And either is just about the person.

I am ND and I’m coming to the conclusion that I seem to experience certain feelings (sensory and emotional) more vividly than others do. I get stuck in experiences for a while.

I don’t think it’s useful to compare with others - you have to deal with your own feelings and reactions because no one but you is going through that.

Oh, mine the same. Fuck them OP, just focus on yourself and your own kids. Don’t dwell on it.

Everyone's different and an event that wouldn't be traumatic for me can be traumatic for someone else. It's very personal.

I'd be pissed off and upset about the cheating and upset about the moving but trauma to me is something far deeper than a typical reaction to upsetting events iyswim.

For example, my traumas in life are sexual assault and the near death during delivery of my first son.

If you feel traumatised by an event then it's trauma.

I won't shut my gob and I don't need to research it iv been getting trauma therapy most of my life and people shouldn't just throw the word around like it's meaningless

The thing is , feelings around this are very personal. Some people might see it as finally being free, or getting the independence they needed while others might cry themselves to sleep every night like an 8 yo or someone that lost a parent.

So if you felt abandoned,unloved, not safe , rejected etc then yes, of course that can be traumatic.

Too bad your training and professionalism don’t extend to protecting people from belittlememt and denial of their experience by the use of the word “genuine” where it simply shouldn’t be used…

I’ve had major trauma. Think Rotherham grooming. I’d say what affects me more than anything is the repeated emotional abandonment of my parents during and since.
I think your parents physically and emotionally abandoning you in this case can cause you to feel all sorts of things and I’m not sure if trauma is the right words but I tell you it’s no longer the memories of what men did to me that keep me up at night, it’s the grief, the loss of my parents.
be gentle with yourself. When they are still alive it’s a continued grieving and long cycle of pain

The second would have.

that is as meaningless as saying "if you feel fluey then you've got flu"

No

saying you feel traumatised does not mean you are medically traumatised.

It is not something you can "choose" to identify as

I am quite shocked by the ignorance on here! and I am used to ignorance on the subject, not not really to this level

saying you feel traumatised does not mean you are medically traumatised.

It doesn't mean that you aren't either. Or that everyone's reaction is exactly the same. What you consider a non event can be (medically) traumatic, especially if it comes on top of previous stressors.

Abandonment (or the feeling of) can definitely be traumatic.

Sad not traumatised

I am a qualified social worker - so have had significant training on trauma with children. I’m also a therapist within the NHS working with those with poor mental health. Trauma is absolutely not just reserved for events which are near death, involve seeing death or are life-threatening. That’s part of the criteria for PTSD, but trauma is different. People experience trauma from many different things, influenced by their childhood experiences, events that have happened to them and beliefs they hold. As many people have described, some people respond to events very differently to others. It is valid to feel traumatised by a cheating partner or parents who have moved countries, these may have triggered abandonment wounds and nobody has the right to tell others what they can feel - particularly when you don’t know that person’s history

Trama is personal. I have trama and if I told you why you might dismiss it. But it was real deeply damaging trama to me that impacted my health and outlook on life.

So op if it tramatised you then its trama.

"she can be as upset as she likes! But she can't claim to be traumatised - there was simply no immediate, credible threat to life, hers, or anyone elses - and yes, that is a simplistic view of "trauma" but it is a working definition that functions perfectly adequetey nine times out of ten"

What on earth are you on about? An immediate, credible threat to life is not necessary to define trauma.

I've been a psychotherapist for many years and I work with people who have trauma all the time. A lot of it is complex PTSD from childhood abuse or neglect, which is characterised by powerlessness and a (real or perceived) sense of entrapment.

People can be traumatised by all sorts of things. Freud described “trauma” as “any excitations from the outside which are powerful enough to break through the protective shield there is no longer any possibility of preventing the mental apparatus from being flooded with large amounts of stimulus which have broken in and binding of them.

In short, trauma is experienced when the nervous system is exposed to too much, too fast, too soon.

Read Giselle Genillard, Peter Levine, Gabor Mate, or Bessel van der Kolk.

Interested to read this, a lot of the training I've been on recently is about a trauma informed approach, understanding how traumatic events are processed, how trauma is personal and not off a list.

No.

I'd be devestated by both, they would both be life changing events that it would probably take time and maybe even therapy to get over. So yes, I think I'd feel traumatised. A friend of mine who's husband had an affair had a mental breakdown. She ended up in a psychiatric hospital. I'd consider her to have been traumatised.

@Nimbostratus100 trauma isn’t about the event, it’s about the feelings that are wrapped up and intertwined within.
its subjective and it’s totally unhelpful to tell the Op She’s misusing the term when she’s not.
Im a trauma informed practitioner and mental health OT, so I understand that whilst there is a definition, I know we categorise trauma by what we feel not by the trigger.

I doubt I'd have PTSD (although maybe with the parents thing - I can't even imagine it) but yeah in the way we use traumatised as in meaning deeply deeply wounded and upset and basically discombobulated for a while, yes I would.

DH cheating on me is an undermining of everything I thought and hoped about my life and marriage and my ability to read someone. It would take a while to get over that and it would be very very painful (and I wouldn't be the same woman after it)

I cannot conceive of my parents shipping off when I was 18 and starting college. Ditto me with my own kids. I know on MN kids are reared at 16 and out the door at 18 but I am Irish and American and that isn't how it works in Ireland and US unless you are in a very dysfunctional family. My kids would be flabbergasted and deeply upset if we had done that to them.

Trauma is possible for both.
It absolutely depends on the individual and their circumstances. What one person may feel is not traumatic, another may suffer for years due to it being traumatic event for them.
I think it's unfair for someone to disregard someone else's idea or feeling of trauma and how they may feel because someone feels they've been through worse, which may very well be possible but everyone's coping strategies and resilience is different and absolutely circumstantial.

Also depending on the person's self esteem, resilience and independence. Someone who is codependant or has a more sensitive personality may struggle more.
If you look at parents leaving at 18, this could have caused abandonment issues, if a husband then cheats this could trigger these feelings leading to it hitting g this individual harder.
Childhood, life experiences and our own self and mind all play a huge factor in how someone copes in a situation and how one may find something traumatic another may not.

Trauma is subjective. What's traumatised me may not have traumatised you and vice versa. Some of my deepest traumas written down don't sound like very much; equally big, Starts With a Capital Letter things that someone might think should have traumatised me, haven't left much of a mark. Therefore your question is impossible to answer.

Just like flu can be asymptomatic, mild or deathly an individual can feel trauma from something another wouldn't. And I'd argue no matter how good the childhood before moving 10hrs away at 18 pre uni would be at least a but traumatic for anyone! It's terrible parenting.

I agree that trauma is very subjective. My friend is a soldier who was in some horrific situations. He has PTSD. I assumed it was related to war experience when it was in fact due to childhood emotional neglect and the (peaceful, natural) death of his grandfather (the one emotionally present adult in his life). That was the traumatic event that fundamentally changed him.