Would this traumatise you?

[PleasantZen]

Would these things traumatise you if they happened to you individually?

Being cheated on by husband?

Parents moving abroad for good 10 hour flight away when you were 18 years old?

I personally think those events are upsetting but not traumatising. At 18, I might have felt cast adrift by my parents moving abroad because I still leant on them a lot for support, I didn’t have a stable place of my own to live so I popped back and forth to theirs frequently. If it was an option to go with them I’d probably have done that - if they expressly said they didn’t want me to come then I’d have felt rejected. But now as an established adult if they moved abroad I’d happily wave them off and be pleased for them. A partner cheating would be devastating and make me very angry but I’d get over it.

Yes to the husband, although not indefinitely. But certainly for a period of time.

The parents abroad at 18 wouldn't. I was independent and had my first DC at 18 so it wouldn't have affected me.

Absolutely this, so fed up of people using google to misuse medical terms using layman’s knowledge.
in answer to your question both would upset me but traumatise absolutely not the right terminology to use in this.

Thank you @MadonnasFacelift and @BertyMyrtle

I think traumatise is a very strong word and it very much depends on the status of the relationships at the time and wider potentially supporting factors.

A cheating husband?

Yes, in the context of a very strong, supportive relationship, I'd be very shocked and would find the experience traumatic. Upshot is it would probably involve not just the loss of the relationship, but my home and having to share time with my children.

No, if the relationship was already dysfunctional and rocky and whilst the losses above would still apply, I might consider that a fair (but hard) trade in respect of being independent and demonstrating to my children that you have no obligation to stay in a shitty relationship. So upsetting yes, traumatic, no.

Parents moving 10 hours away (flight time) at 18?

Yes, if I had had no other strong support network around me and the practicalities of visiting hadn't been considered. At that age I think I would have felt very bereft and abandoned, especially if I had no "home" because it had been sold to fund the move, without any alternative.

No, if I had other close family locally (Older siblings/Aunts/Uncles/Cousins) who were supportive and actively engaged in my life and my parents had budgeted for regular visits and planned to keep in close communication via online means. Also that even if the family home had been sold a "crash pad" was still available to me and them in the UK.

Re: my latter paragraph this was the experience of a friend from school. She was fine. Parents moved to Dubai for work. Family home sold, but a lovely apartment purchased in the UK for her to live in and for them to stay during regular visits and they also funded regular trips for her to Dubai where she stayed during school then Uni holidays. On Skype (as it was then) every other day to catch up and she was very close to her maternal Aunt (and cousins) who lived locally who was in situ in case of an emergency and spent a lot of time with them.

It’s not trauma bingo. Your idea of trauma doesn’t invalidate the trauma of someone else.

Cheating yes
Parents moving. No. The world is small.

Upsetting, yes. Traumatising, no. The parent thing would depend on whether they planned to visit or have me visit them.