Tiger parenting.. UK parents aren't capable?

[Shepherdspiemix]

I think international parents are much more stringent with their kids academically & musically. Especially Eastern European, Asian, Nigerian & German. This is both for state & private schools. Sport isn't as important to these nationalities. Music & grades are revered. Zero time given to roblox, social media or gaming. In my opinion UK parents are very lax in comparison. I know that won't be a popular opinion but that's my two cents.

Same with Swedish kids. I try to be more Swedish but can't shake off my British inner despot.

I'm actually confused. Are British parents really more "lax" or good at pretending to be lax? Judging by the MN threads on 11+, independent/grammar schools and secondary school offers...it sounds like we're all pretty "tigerish"....or is half of MN made up of "Nigerian, Asian and Eastern European people"!?!...oh yeah and German!

I suppose.

I see pushing as encouragement and a bit more like support. So if you needed help to achieve a better result because you just weren't understanding the exam, then let's try a tutor, see if they can help you. And instilling a good and healthy work ethic in the child.

But pressure is more "You will do this! Do this now or else" or "we paid lots of money for you to go to the best schools and tutors we expect you to be the best X possible. No you can't go to your friends house or cinema, you have to study for hours so you can do what I expect you to do"

Sure semantics, but it's different in my mind.

Yes unfortunately in many cultures it's still taboo to talk about mental health and their higher suicide rates.

The science says hothousing is bad, happy children is good. So that's what we focus on

The British parents I come across that are lax fall into two categories - genuinely lax and don't really spend time with their dc. Let them game all the time and don't worry about education at all.
Or don't pressure but expect dc to do their homework and learn a musical instrument. They spend lots of time with their dcs, have meals together, take them out and are always talking to their dc, respecting their opinions and boosting their self esteem. Lots of cultural capital. These kids often end up with a good education.

Mmmm...and this does sound quite social class specific too...of course another possible sweeping generalisation but I'm sure I've read somewhere that working class white English boys generally underachieve compared with their ethnic minority counterparts...is that due to lax parenting...are they happier?

In my ( limited) experience, British parents encourage rather than push. They seem to have a more holistic view of education, ie it's not just about grades, marks and levels but then again, that's only based on observing a small cross section of the population.

@00100001

I suppose.

I see pushing as encouragement and a bit more like support. So if you needed help to achieve a better result because you just weren't understanding the exam, then let's try a tutor, see if they can help you. And instilling a good and healthy work ethic in the child.

All well and good except hypothetically DC could interpret this as "Gaagh, parents have paid for a tutor - I should "get this"! Everyone with a tutor does... I feel so much pressure "

But pressure is more "You will do this! Do this now or else" or "we paid lots of money for you to go to the best schools and tutors we expect you to be the best X possible. No you can't go to your friends house or cinema, you have to study for hours so you can do what I expect you to do"

Again hypothetically DC interpret this as "parents believe in my ability, they are supporting me by putting me in the best schools with access to the best education. I'm so happy they pushed me to reach my potential ".

Sure semantics, but it's different in my mind.

Granted it's different in your mind but they aren't in actuality.

My cousins wife also tiger like, I Remeber at a dinner she was saying her son was lazy and how she pushes and pushes him.

Two years later he had a massive breakdown, Couldn't even sit his exams at all and has completly flunked out.

Trudy a good tutor is worth gold. They should be able to tune into the dc and help with any barriers the child has whatever they are.

They are different.

It's the difference between you supporting your kids in the things they want to well in and you forcing them to do well in things they have no interest in for reasons of success and reflected glory and the main driver is YOU want them to do well because it looks better

There was a massive push to support black kids, as they were underachieving...now it's white boys..

Sport and the communal aspects of sport are given a lot of attention in Germany. A big emphasis on swimming and outdoor sports, also football. I would say more so than in the UK, when it comes to swimming. I grew up in the UK and felt sad when I saw surveys showing quite low levels of swimming among children, particularly as it is such an important safety skill.

Some of these countries have the highest suicide rates in the world.

Sacrificing childhood for strict education may not be the best way forward

Too much pressure sent me into a self destructive spiral at 17, OP. I had a breakdown, got into drugs. I just about clawed it back in time to resit my AS level exams at the end of my A2 year. I'm not a massive fan of tiger parenting, unsurprisingly.

Another big generalisation @00100001
There was a massive push to support black kids, as they were underachieving...now it's white boys..

Yes there was a push - you can thank the racist lumping of all black ethnicities into one group for that.

The truth is some black children were under achieving - when you break down by ethnicity you'll note that black children of African heritage especially west African heritage achieved well. Especially black girls of African heritage.

Also it's not white boys it's working class white boys who are said to under achieve- you'll note the U.K. government , global investment bank, magic circle legal firms are full of middle class and upper class white men who were once boys

committees.parliament.uk/committee/203/education-committee/news/156024/forgotten-white-workingclass-pupils-let-down-by-decades-of-neglect-mps-say/

It is white working class boys on free school meals.

In fact, it is exactly where Scandinavian countries and Switzerland do well. They don’t push children who are not innately academically able into heavy academics. They aim to make sure they just have solid basic literacy and maths skills and then support excellent early vocational training which is fairly remunerated. It is exactly what we should be doing with these types of boys. Intergenerational underachievement can be addressed if teens go into placements with good mentors who teach them well. Not everyone has a parent who can help them or guide them or even works.

What type of boys should we be funneling into vocational courses?

We shouldn’t be funnelling anybody. However, we should be identifying white boys on free school meals who are underachieving in schools and gently encourage them and build their confidence and create pathways for them to join vocational courses of their choice. They should be able to see a secure future for themselves from an early age so they have something to work towards and aspire to. Especially if they don’t have that at home (appropriate role models or guidance that is).

We shouldn’t be funnelling anybody. However, we should be identifying white boys on free school meals who are underachieving in schools and gently encourage them and build their confidence and create pathways for them to join vocational courses of their choice.

And also help them to not underachieve? So that they also have a chance at academic courses/careers if that's where their interests lies.

Tuition isn't a bad thing especially when it allows your child to practice more, delve deeper in the subjects. The most important thing about education is to instill a love of learning and curiosity.

Crucially the tuition is bounded so there is 3 hours a week which can be scheduled effectively so he has time to play, rest & socialise.

Tiger parenting is extreme, there is no time for play, recreation, fun, sport etc but there is always time for more homework and more studying. It's a very strict & overbearing style of parenting where high expectations are hoisted on the child with no respect to their emotional needs.

@Shepherdspiemix the feral kids with parents red bricks, sounds like a post a while back that a stricter mums husband was comparing his dc to his brothers dc who had what she called a feral upbringing and yet they are very successful and motivated.

You can have both and saying in an overbearing demanding way you need go do your hw isn't helpful