Tiger parenting.. UK parents aren't capable?

[Shepherdspiemix]

I think international parents are much more stringent with their kids academically & musically. Especially Eastern European, Asian, Nigerian & German. This is both for state & private schools. Sport isn't as important to these nationalities. Music & grades are revered. Zero time given to roblox, social media or gaming. In my opinion UK parents are very lax in comparison. I know that won't be a popular opinion but that's my two cents.

You mean the ones that are disproportionately stuffed full of Asian youngsters

70% of UK domiciled Russell group entrants to FT degrees are white.

00100001 oh so, it is just 'marketing' is it no substance in their credentials then, so Oxbridge, UCL, LSE one big marketing ploy.

But, ime, that’s not a typical way to parent. I don’t know anyone who does.

You seem to be comparing the best of some parenting techniques with worst of others and assigning a nationality to them. You are also acting as though it has to be one or the other.

I don’t like. ‘Tiger parenting’ it controlling often strays into abuse. It doesn’t treat the child as an individual and can be very damaging.

I don’t like the type of parent you describe your friends as, because they are not doing their children any favours too and are also (potentially) damaging their children.

Both my kids (19 & 12) are high achievers. I didn’t go to university and am extremely intelligent from an education or IQ stand point. However, I do have a senior professional role and am at the top of my sector.

I treated my kids as individuals. Dd could read and write very young, she always loved school and has enjoyed education. Ds couldn’t read very young, hates school until he was about 10. Shows no interest in reading for fun. However, in the last few years he has excelled at school, enjoys learning and is above ever age in several subjects.

I didn’t push either of them hard. I worked with their strengths and what they found enjoyable and supported who they were.

Both have always been able to sit still in a restaurant at a young age. There’s been no need to bring them up in a high pressure and controlling environment.

I can’t understand why you see Tiger parenting as the ideal. And work on the presumption that anyone who doesn’t do this just be like your friends.

Ah yes, the two nationalities: British and International.

Which one are you OP?

Dont you mean English and not English?

I don't agree with any parenting type that ignores and neglects a child's social and emotional development. Would you be happy having zero down time? It's just plain abusive.

To tiger parent your child you first need to define "successful" and that almost always is just money.

Whereas in adult reality it is a mixture of a great many things.

My cousin's wife is a Tiger Mother - educational achievement is top priority for her children. Last year, when her five year old son was not performing well for his maths tutor, she put all his favourite toys in a box and sent them to the charity shop. That little boy will never forget that cruel act.

Would be interesting to see statistics of the suicide rate in children of tiger parents, and those of more relaxed parents. My DC may not be able to play violin or piano but they're very happy running round a field chasing a ball in the sunshine thank you very much.

Partly I think it's a question of priorities and what parents prioritise for their children. Like most parents I guess, we give our DC (or try to) the upbringing that we think will best prepare them for a happy, healthy, fulfilled and successful life. Part of that is working hard on their school work and we always make sure to do the homework and out-of-school activities suggested by the school.

But success in life is so much more than hard work and academic achievement. It also requires resilience, confidence, a willingness to take risks and good social and interpersonal skills (including an ability to compromise). And ime the way that children start to learn these skills is through play, including active outdoor play. If you don't provide sufficient space for play/recreation in a child's life, you are not nurturing these essential attributes.

I think a large part of it is about individualism vs collectivism. Generalising wildly, but most anthropologists would argue that western cultures tend, on the whole, to be more individualistic than, say, most Asian cultures.

If your primary focus is on the individual, then you're much more likely to think about that individual's personal interests and aspirations, and to want them to be at the centre of any decisions about their own lives. If your focus is more on the collective, such as the family group as a whole, then you might prioritise different things such as the ability to secure a good career with decent earnings etc, as this will contribute to the overall wellbeing of the group in a way that following individuals passions might not.

Err ok then …… still not to enlighten us with your nationality then OP?

I'm British.

@00100001 I'm undecided. If I think my child can achieve it I'll definitely push her to do the best she can.

Yah. British parents are more chill ✌

Why does he do this?

A lot of international parents coming to the UK are the ambitious type - as in, they are driven, leave friends and family behind and have the get up and go drive. So if, as a group, they may come across as more pushy, that may also be why.
In addition, take India as an example. There is such a huge population and competition for university and you can’t get a place unless you get eg 95 per cent, so that culture rubs off from the parents onto the DC, even if they live in the UK now.
On the other hand, Scandinavian countries and for example, Switzerland don’t value early academic achievement and university entry is less competitive than in India. The standard of living for the normal person is also much higher.
I actually find the UK quite pushy coming from one of the above mentioned countries. Schools starts so early at just 4, there is homework, it is a long day, expectations of activities and duties on young children is so far removed from my own childhood I find the UK quite “tiger”. I guess I would not last a minute with my DC in the Indian education system.. It is all relative.

Better to let your kids get top grades because they want to and are curious about the subjects they are interested in.

Lax british parent here ...
My children went to the local comp, and onto a different local 6th form .

I didn't force them to do anything. One wanted to learn to play instruments, the others had no interest. He's now living in Australia, extremely happy, married to a lovely Aussie, working a regular non high flying job and making music... his passion.

The girls are both in 'high achieving' medical careers. Because that's what they both wanted from quite an early age. I never pressured them into anything, they never needed academic support. What they needed and got, was two loving parents who played with them, read to them, encouraged them to have a go at whatever interested them... and off they flew to careers they love (though tbh if I'd known how tough a junior doctor's life is I might have tried to dissuade one of them!)

And as adults, we are incredibly close and a very happy bunch. Personally I consider their wellbeing far more important. They are all successful in what THEY discovered made them happy.

We're an Asian/Italian couple and DS1 loves minecraft, watching silly youtube videos, and doing sports 😁

DS2 spends 90% of his time being a dinosaur.

I'm only really strict about swimming lessons (live by the sea) and not having screens on loud in public (eg, if the DC watch the ipad on a train journey they have to keep earphones in)

That's not really the same thingnas piling on pressure.

UK parents are very lax? You should come to Sweden, UK parents are ruthless dictators by comparison (that's me cracking down hard on my DS trying to assert his 'right to say no'. Not in this house sunshine!)

We had a Danish family at our school. They said they couldn't believe how well behaved the children are here compared to Denmark. They also said British parents are much stricter. Makes a change from the narrative that we are raising a country of brats. Unfortunately, our children don't compare very well compared to Danish children in terms of happiness and mental health.

Semantics - pushing or pressure are dependent on how the child receives it

@00100001