Tiger parenting.. UK parents aren't capable?

[Shepherdspiemix]

I think international parents are much more stringent with their kids academically & musically. Especially Eastern European, Asian, Nigerian & German. This is both for state & private schools. Sport isn't as important to these nationalities. Music & grades are revered. Zero time given to roblox, social media or gaming. In my opinion UK parents are very lax in comparison. I know that won't be a popular opinion but that's my two cents.

Yet the groups I'm talking of are also fluent in their parents native tongue. My colleague is Moldovan. Her dc are fluent in Romanian & Russian. That's what they speak at home. The dc have perfect English.

That's a bit if a change in tune.

Manners aren't the same as academic achievement

Oh look.....another Brit bashing post. Why is it deemed acceptable when any slight, however innocuous, against another nationality will bring a pile on

Even if I agreed with your generalisations, I think it's odd you've said "not capable" rather than "not willing"

Do you have DC OP? What is your nationality? If you had a DC that commited suicide due to pressure would you think ah well, they were destined to be a loser anyway along as your other 2 DC were successful? Where do you stand on physical punishment? Do you believe children should have thoughts and feelings? Would you like DC as complacent as the ones that died in the Sewol ferry tragedy?

We were in a restaurant with them last year for the wife's 50th birthday. Their kids ran riot playing hide & seek disturbing other tables. The manager had to speak to them & ask them to keep their dc under control. They literally couldn't sit at the table. Eventually their dad brought them outside aged 8,10 & 11....

This! In absolute spades.

Dd in y7 - terrible friendship groups, tears, poor grades even though she was actually doing homework

Dd in year 9 - happy, happy, happy, singing and dancing through life. Never seems to be doing homework. A stars all the way.

Let me give you an alternative perspective: I grew up in one of the regions you mention, in a tiger parenting family. I had a very very unhappy childhood. The pressure was horrible. My relationship Witt my family suffered. I’ve done very well academically, but I deeply regret not being encouraged to pursue other interests (including, yes, sport). I did A levels here and loved it - I loved the independent thinking that was encouraged, and I found it a much better education than the forced learning I’d been fed to date.
I’m taking a very different approach with my own children and focusing on bringing up happy, well rounded individuals.

*with not Witt

I wouldn't say this is representative of the majority of British children.

I always laugh at "Asians are this or that" yes all 40 odd countries have the exact same philosophies on parenting and education. I grew up in both China for years and later again as an adult and in South korea, PC bars were always packed with kids playing video games, social media is huge.
Lots that would be terrible to replicate like the cram schools and severe pressure from a young age.

Agree completely. My children also know how to behave. My point was their parents were always boasting about how their dc will be high achievers due to their own academic success & don't seek to do anything with them. The least they could do would be to teach them age appropriate behaviour (no hide & seek in a busy restaurant) & basic manners.

I don't really understand your point about music - oh yes because Brits are not known to have a high calibre of musicians - oh hang on....

Give ‘Make the Ordinary Things Come Alive’ by William Martin a read…

Them having manners is nothing to do with parents not being a Tiger Parent though ...

I'm of Nigerian heritage and what you've described mirrors my upbringing. Personally I don't see it as a bad thing- I and my siblings have done great monetarily and emotionally speaking.

I knew average grades would be considered poor (ie why bring home a A grade when A* was up for grabs). I also knew that whatever I did I was expected to succeed at. Yes, it was high pressure but so is my career so I was used to it early on.

My dds are obsessed with Roblox. They aren't what you call Bright kids. One has Dyslexia one is being assessed for Dyslexia and ADD.
They hate reading and it's a struggle for them to do their homework.

However, they are funny, kind, caring, thoughtful (to others not each other). They are never involved in the school drama. I think personality is more important.

So, you'd out exactly the same pressure in your kids to get 9/A* in exactly the same way as your parents?

I'm not Chinese but spent 13 years in HK with school age DC. Some HK-Chinese parents are genuinely tiger parents (but their caucasian counterparts also exist in my DC's UK prep school). On average I would say HK Chinese parents are more invested in academic success vs western parents. However, just like in UK there are also a lot who don't really care or themselves lack the educational background/ bandwidth to get involved, just like western parents. But to say HK kids spend less time on screens than western kids is simply untrue from my own observations. Covid accelerated screen addiction and they haven't come back from it.

I think what pp said is true - when we compare other nationalities to UK, we often compare quite a narrow demographic with specific traits that make them more likely to be educationally invested.

You mean the ones that are disproportionately stuffed full of Asian youngsters

My point was their parents were always boasting about how their dc will be high achievers due to their own academic success & don't seek to do anything with them.

So you have friends who are arseholes and yet again you've extrapolated to all UK parents...

Why did you choose to be friends with arseholes in the first place?

Judging other people's parenting a short guide:

Whatever they are doing, they are doing it wrong.

If they only did it like these other people they would be much better.

Actually those other people aren't great either.

Everyone is terrible and I know best. Do not ask why.

There's good marketing about getting a "British Education". Often views are stuck in the past.

fUNNYfACE36, I replied to that comment earlier, the education system is considered exemplary and this is exactly why international students attend these schools and universities so how can British culture when it comes to educational outlook be seen as lacking if it has created and maintained these institutions. It simply is not true, that is the reason.

I read the original Tiger Mother book, she was very honest and did admit the bad side of her methods but to me at times it really was abusive and sad. Her MiL lived at the house but was never allowed time with the children because they must always be practising music or doing homework. They had no friends outside school. The children were sad she treated her students nicer than then. Maybe this is an extreme but I can't see how their future success could ever be worth it.