Tiger parenting.. UK parents aren't capable?

[Shepherdspiemix]

I think international parents are much more stringent with their kids academically & musically. Especially Eastern European, Asian, Nigerian & German. This is both for state & private schools. Sport isn't as important to these nationalities. Music & grades are revered. Zero time given to roblox, social media or gaming. In my opinion UK parents are very lax in comparison. I know that won't be a popular opinion but that's my two cents.

I work with a large number of Nigerian people and my DH comes from a Chinese background. I've found really when discussing parenting children aren't allowed a voice in these cultures there seems to be an attitude of DC must do what parents want and obey. They don't promote critical thinking choice or explain why we do things. I do parent DD more in a western way , I tell her why I want her to do things and I do enjoy listening to her opinion. She does have tutoring for 2 hours a week as it helps her confidence I don't expect her to blindly follow my rules without questioning why.

I also want her to follow her own career path , I won't impose what career I think she should do.

I remember one notoriously pushy Asian mother quizzing me when dd was around 5, wanting to know how I had taught dd to read as well as she did. She wouldn't believe me when I said that we didn't do anything, just had lots of books and enjoyed reading them together. I'm sure she thought that I had some secret technique that I was guarding closely in order to maintain dd's competitive advantage!

I do think some British parents lie about how much their kids study or have extra tuition. Parents like to brag about natural talent Vs sheer hard work over here.

Blah, blah, blah ...everything and everyone in the UK is shit and everyone else in the world is doing it better on every topic of your chosing...another day, another MN thread.

Yes, as a PP said it is a question of different values. Generationally, my family are keen on education but not rota style, it is about natural abilities, thinking creatively and originally that is the focus. Questioning and enquiring minds is key. My eldest plays FIFA for instance but he enjoys reading books and reads about philosophy, politics, he's academic and curious. He will do well and is set to do well grades wise but this isn't the entire picture or the aim of the game in my family and it's not in DH's whose uncle Aunt, Grandad, Grandma were Doctors and professors at Oxbridge.

My DP is korean, his mum raised 3 kids as a self described tiger mum , one is severely autistic, one has severe social anxiety, one is bipolar.

I'm not saying her parenting caused this (though for his sisters social anxiety I wouldn't be surprised!) , it did most certainly make things worse for all of her kids and all of them struggle (my DP who has bipolar is the only one of his siblings who currently works and he has as little to do with his mum as possible due to her constantly reminding him of what a disappointment she finds all of her children)

Not sure why you lump German in there, I know several Germans and they are laxer than me.

Surely it comes as no surprise, OP, that different cultures value different elements of education and have different definitions of success?

As a sweeping generalisation, immigrant families tend to value the education system and economic opportunities of the culture they've moved to be a part of, probably more than the native population of the place, who can take it for granted.

So a very small subsection of parents of those nationalities who are themselves highly driven (because immigrants tend to be - it isn't the lazy arses who emigrate is it?)

You've done the equivalent of picking three very rich ginger haired people and extrapolating that ginger hair makes people rich.

Every thought your critical thinking skills could be a little better?

I wonder what you’d think of my family. Youngest son at an independent school, does three hours of tutorials outside school (Maths and English) plus associated homework for tutors. Is that tigerish enough for you? Tonight we won’t get till after 9pm from seeing a tutor. He is 9 years old.

'Asian' a continent of 4,746,111,147, yeah they are all the same. From Tokyo to rural Tibet. FFS

A while back -20/30 years ago- I remember a surgeon's dc committing suicide before or after their GCSE exams.

I would hate for my dc to feel that much under pressure. If it makes any difference the surgeon was Asian.

😂

For me, the important thing is intrinsic motivation.

I don't want dd to work hard and excel because I drive her to do that. I want her to succeed on her own terms, whatever that might look like to her.

I absolutely want her to work hard for what she wants and for what she considers to be important, but I don't need her to work towards my goals. It's her life, not mine.

As it happens, what she wants is very similar to what I might choose for her in any case. Hardly surprising that she might share my values, given that I'm the one who has brought her up. However, it is important to me that she feels that it's her life to live, and as long as she is doing what is right for her, I will be cheering her on. I've got my own life for doing all of the stuff that I think is important!

But how do the suicide and mental health issues compare? In Sweden the emphasis in early years is totally different but they have good academic achievement.
I do find some cultures don't build independence and self resilience tending to baby children much more so they go to school knowing how to recite the ABC and write their name but in nappies or unable to hang a coat up, take turns or share. Horses for courses as they say.

This is so laughably one dimensional. The disdain you appear to have for your “red brick uni” friends and the values that different people have is palpable. If the people and opportunities here aren’t good enough for you then do feel free to live somewhere else, perhaps one of the tiger parent societies you seem to revere so much?

You are aware that a lot of asian, african people etc are British parents.

A boy from one of those cultures committed suicide recently at a school near me, because of the academic pressure his parents put him under
He was 14. So no, it isn't always better.

Out of interest, why do you do this?

That's nice OP. Do you always make assumptions about an entire nation based on a few people you know?

Distain! The pair wax lyrically about how well their dc fare due to them going to uni.. The reality is very different.. They were obviously not thought any manners as their preteen dc seem incapable of saying please, thank you or engaging in basic conversation with any grown up!

I do think it's a shame how poor we are at languages in the UK. At my (state) primary, we learnt a second language from Year 2. When I got to Secondary none of my peers had started a second language yet. It's too late to take advantage of all that wonderful sponginess. There's also be research done indicating you not only learn other languages more easily when started young, but you also learn everything quicker if you have a second language.

Yes absolutely but the basic attitude to education & music are similar.

Why should they sit still?

Teaching my dc not to be horribly judgemental towards other people is also something that has been a priority for me.

Just saying.