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Just caught my neighbours bonking

134 replies

PawsAndReflection · 27/02/2023 01:43

To preface, I wish this were a joke.

I live on the top two floors of a terraced house with another flat below. Been here for a few years and had new neighbours move in downstairs about 5 months ago, haven't really spoken to them apart from a couple of months ago when we had a leak.

I've been home this weekend visiting my Mum who's broken her leg, and ended up not getting home until about an hour ago (hence the late hour).

I unlocked the front door and lugged my bags in, only to be greeted with a pale, hairy backside pumping away(!) Seems the two of them were going at it on the stairs leading up to my place. They didn't notice for a few seconds until I dropped my keys, then scrabbled about rearranging their clothes and racing into their front door.

I'm all for getting my rocks off but would really rather they did it elsewhere there's a wet patch on my stairs now

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user1469770863 · 27/02/2023 11:11

brings a whole new meaning to shag pile carpet

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AngelDelightUK · 27/02/2023 11:13

I’d have to put a note through their door asking them to clean it up.

I do like the “no ball games” sign too. Makes you wonder how often they’ve done it before!!

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Kpo58 · 27/02/2023 11:15

Am I the only one who would just have asked them to move over a bit so that I could get up the stairs?

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NooNooHead1981 · 27/02/2023 11:30

I suppose it could have been worse - she might have been wiping off something that had just been deposited in her mouth... but it was definitely pretty bad seeing a pale, hairy bul bonking. I think we need to add in the word 'snogging' for good measure here too. It's not been used in a while (unlike the communal stairs!)😫😉🤣😳

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NooNooHead1981 · 27/02/2023 11:30

*hairy bum

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Sharpbridge · 27/02/2023 11:33

That’s very disrespectful of them.

Drop a note round “Guys, there’s a wet patch on the stairs to my flat where you were having sex. Please clean and disinfect it. In future I’d appreciate it if you don’t have sex on the stairs to my flat. It does not look as good as you think it does. Thanks.”

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JudgeJ · 27/02/2023 11:52

Mothership4two · 27/02/2023 02:17

How very weird but quite funny. Please update @PawsAndReflection when you next come face to face with them 😳😳

If she recognises their faces, she is more familiar with the other end!😃

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scoobydoo1971 · 27/02/2023 12:18

For what it is worth, I used to live opposite a swinger. He used to put the bins out naked, and didn't have the body for that sort of thing. There is some stuff you cannot unsee. I spent a fortune on blinds, not to have to see the weirdo over the street. Sorry you had to see that!

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2bazookas · 27/02/2023 12:27

Oh god, these are going to be the neighbours from hell

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WombatChocolate · 27/02/2023 12:28

Hysterical. It makes a great story that will make countless people laugh when you tell them.

Theres nowt so queer as folk.

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Chasedbythechaser · 27/02/2023 12:29

WombatsAndGumTrees · 27/02/2023 04:34

That's inappropriate of them. I once had to knock on a neighbours door and ask them to keep their curtains shut when they were busy during the day (because the kids like to play outside and it was in full view). Fortunately that was all it took to correct things.

I cannot imagine doing this. They are in their own house and people shouldn't be looking through their windows surely?

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altmember · 27/02/2023 12:41

Unless they have no shame at all, I expect they're suitably embarrassed about it that it won't happen again (or anything similar). It's possible that they'd been out for the evening, had a few drinks and got amorous before they'd made it inside their own inner front door. Rather than just coming out of their own flat purely to bonk on your stairs (in which case they probably wouldn't have had clothes with them).

Bit off that they didn't even muster an attempt at saying sorry as they were legging it from the scene. Maybe they will apologise somehow over the next day or so. Either way, I personally wouldn't make an issue of it unless there is any further anti social behaviour by them.

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dontgobaconmyheart · 27/02/2023 12:44

How tragic.

I expect they're embarrassed OP but to be honest if there actually is a stain I would be politely requesting it to be cleaned. If they were drunk and had a piss there nobody would excuse it.

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WhamBamEatYourSpam · 27/02/2023 13:27

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/02/2023 04:24

Yuk. Tell them about the wet patch. Ask them to pay for the carpet to be cleaned.

Yeah right!

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fenwoman123 · 27/02/2023 14:14

I'd have crept up and given the backside a sharp resounding and painful slap.
Mop, bucket and disinfectant will clear the damp patch on the staits.
I'm afraid I must be made differently to you because I would have found it really really funny.
I would also be amused thinking of how the pair of them were mortified and dreading bumping (pardon the pun) into me when coming (more puns) and going.

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WinterMusings · 27/02/2023 14:26

dworky · 27/02/2023 08:44

Take pity on perverts whose kink is being seen by unsuspecting others.

Show quote history

@dworky

perverts? Kink?

sex on the stairs...

get a sense of humour or a sense of perspective!

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PawsAndReflection · 27/02/2023 16:39

Thanks for everyone's responses! Waking up this morning I feel a little bad for them, I'd be mortified in their position

My friend has suggested (along the same lines as a lot of you) leaving a bottle of stain remover and a note, so I'm just wracking my brains on what to write. I want to have a bit of harmless fun, as payback for having to see NDNs hairy bum

All suggestions welcome!

OP posts:

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Hawkins003 · 27/02/2023 16:41

Omg 😲

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GordonsAFGirl · 27/02/2023 16:43

Hopefully they leave you a note of apology and a bottle of wine. Bottoms up!

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WomanStanleyWoman2 · 27/02/2023 17:14

In time-honoured MN style, you could do it in the form of a little poem on a Post-It:

” I know you thought a stairway bonk would be a massive giggle,
But spare a thought for those of us forced to watch your arse jiggle.
It wasn’t very pleasant, but what would ease my pain
Is if you used some elbow grease on that manky sex juice stain”.

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LlynTegid · 27/02/2023 17:44

I thought either fake moans not quite synchronised or applause at the end was the MN response?

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Underminer · 27/02/2023 18:46

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 27/02/2023 17:14

In time-honoured MN style, you could do it in the form of a little poem on a Post-It:

” I know you thought a stairway bonk would be a massive giggle,
But spare a thought for those of us forced to watch your arse jiggle.
It wasn’t very pleasant, but what would ease my pain
Is if you used some elbow grease on that manky sex juice stain”.

Yes! Do this 🤣

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WombatsAndGumTrees · 27/02/2023 20:57

Chasedbythechaser · 27/02/2023 12:29

I cannot imagine doing this. They are in their own house and people shouldn't be looking through their windows surely?

Show quote history

It's kind of hard when their window faced my yard directly and there's a patio with stairs you have to go down to get into the back yard. I had privacy curtains up so they couldn't see right into my living room. They had no such thing.

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JudgeJ · 28/02/2023 21:43

GordonsAFGirl · 27/02/2023 16:43

Hopefully they leave you a note of apology and a bottle of wine. Bottoms up!

Are the last two words deliberate! Sounds like that's exactly what the OP saw.

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GordonsAFGirl · 01/03/2023 18:17

They were @JudgeJ
I suspect the gentleman was getting his steps up.

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