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Just caught my neighbours bonking

134 replies

PawsAndReflection · 27/02/2023 01:43

To preface, I wish this were a joke.

I live on the top two floors of a terraced house with another flat below. Been here for a few years and had new neighbours move in downstairs about 5 months ago, haven't really spoken to them apart from a couple of months ago when we had a leak.

I've been home this weekend visiting my Mum who's broken her leg, and ended up not getting home until about an hour ago (hence the late hour).

I unlocked the front door and lugged my bags in, only to be greeted with a pale, hairy backside pumping away(!) Seems the two of them were going at it on the stairs leading up to my place. They didn't notice for a few seconds until I dropped my keys, then scrabbled about rearranging their clothes and racing into their front door.

I'm all for getting my rocks off but would really rather they did it elsewhere Blush there's a wet patch on my stairs now

OP posts:
TickledCrimson · 27/02/2023 09:29

I think bonking used to be a very News of the World word my friend told me 😆 😆 FWIW, DH and I use it all the time E.g. ‘fancy a bonk?’ 😆

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 27/02/2023 09:31

Wait until you see them in Tesco or the local pub - then stand up, point at them and shout “Stair shaggers! Stair staggers! Filthy dirty stair staggers!!!”

They won’t do it again.

TickledCrimson · 27/02/2023 09:31

DollyDayDreamee · 27/02/2023 08:14

So they either came out of their own front door and made for the stairs?

Or they were out, came in, and instead of going into their flat, carried on to the stairs to the OP's front door?

Don't believe it.

They were doing it for the thrill of it. I mean, no one needs to shag in an aeroplane toilet but people do 🤷‍♀️ Same thing…

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 27/02/2023 09:32

TickledCrimson · 27/02/2023 09:29

I think bonking used to be a very News of the World word my friend told me 😆 😆 FWIW, DH and I use it all the time E.g. ‘fancy a bonk?’ 😆

To quote Dorien of Birds of a Feather, “Only the working classes ‘bonk’, Sharon” 😁

Hintofreality · 27/02/2023 09:35

I’d have to put signs up saying “No shagging in communal areas at any given time”

Underminer · 27/02/2023 09:35

This is hySTAIRical.

When looking to add a whole new level to your bonking, make sure to take extra steps to avoid carpet burn and neighbours. For more handy hints order my step-by-step guide…::no? I’ll get me coat.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 27/02/2023 09:39

Extract from A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh (I've updated it a bit...)

“Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bonk, bonk, bonk, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bonking for a moment and think of it. And then he feels that perhaps there isn't.”

RicherThanYews · 27/02/2023 09:39

Eww your poor eyes Op. Get them telt to clean the spunk spot pronto, that's vile. Does remind me of when I went to Cardiff to see a film in the cinema and waiting for the train home there was a massive apartment building with floor to ceiling glass windows ... I witnessed a very similar view 🤢

MaireadMcSweeney · 27/02/2023 09:40

What a pair of twats!! Hopefully they are so embarrassed they move house!!

amusedbush · 27/02/2023 09:43

I used to work in a student accommodation building and my colleagues and I found plenty of things in the communal areas: pools of vomit; people shagging; human faeces; a guy shooting up drugs.

We were not paid enough in that job... Envy (not envy!)

LookItsMeAgain · 27/02/2023 09:45

TheSandgroper · 27/02/2023 06:46

Some people just don’t think.

Like this

Thank you for the reminder of just how funny that thread was! It definitely deserved to be in Classics.

Lmonaid · 27/02/2023 09:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request

Situaciones · 27/02/2023 09:50

@Lmonaid Jesus, I'd need intensive therapy after seeing that

Climbles · 27/02/2023 10:00

Whether you’d caught them or not they are using you as an unwitting third party in their sex games. The thrill is you might walk in. I would be so pissed off.

horseyhorsey17 · 27/02/2023 10:03

God, that's minging. I think I'd have a word - well I definitely would as I have kids and I'd be livid if they walked in on people bonking in the communal area. YUCK.

Reugny · 27/02/2023 10:10

Fraaahnces · 27/02/2023 06:47

I’d be putting some paper towels and some Zoflora in a plastic bag with a note saying “sort out the wet spot ASAP!”


diddl · 27/02/2023 10:11

if only he could stop bonking for a moment and think of it.


Spidey66 · 27/02/2023 10:14

But had they taken their shoes off once they came inside (the building, that is). Because otherwise they've broken the MN rule.

I suppose you should be grateful they hadn't got into your flat and used the loo!

Seriously that's bad. They'll never be able to look you in the eye again.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/02/2023 10:15

Blimey-if you were having sex in a communal place, you’d think they’d be on red alert to keys going into locks, wouldn’t you? Yet your key went in the lock, turned, you opened the door and put your bags down and they still didn’t hear! Did they have to walk down the stairs past you afterwards was nothing really said?£

TonTonMacoute · 27/02/2023 10:33

Theoldwoman · 27/02/2023 02:45

And why would you think the need to post about it on a public forum?

Why come on a public forum to admonish people who post on it?

It reminds me of that man who used to walk up and down Oxford Street with a sign telling people all the things that are sinful. I seem to remember that 'sitting' was on the list 🤔

VapeVamp12 · 27/02/2023 10:34

Haha, good on them.

GoingOnce · 27/02/2023 10:58

Winnie the Pooh is a filthy bear!

GoingOnce · 27/02/2023 11:00

I walked in on my old parents bonking away bare arsed

oh god me too. I sometimes forget about it for years then it’ll pop back into my mind 🙈

No duvet! 😩

LunaMay · 27/02/2023 11:03

RudsyFarmer · 27/02/2023 09:11

It’s a weird thing when you stumble across an unexpected sex act in a public place. You feel violated somehow and it burns itself into your head. Particularly if your stone cold sober.

I’m going to say sorry you had to deal with that OP. They were wildly inappropriate and hopefully they are the other side of that four feeling thoroughly embarrassed.

I agree, even though i now find it amusing i did have a similar experience once and found it surprisingly unsettling and couldnt quite put my finger on why.

millymog11 · 27/02/2023 11:06

You should have taken a quick photo of the offending backside you were greeted with, printed it out and bluetack it to the front door of their flat.

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