Just caught my neighbours bonking

[PawsAndReflection]

To preface, I wish this were a joke.

I live on the top two floors of a terraced house with another flat below. Been here for a few years and had new neighbours move in downstairs about 5 months ago, haven't really spoken to them apart from a couple of months ago when we had a leak.

I've been home this weekend visiting my Mum who's broken her leg, and ended up not getting home until about an hour ago (hence the late hour).

I unlocked the front door and lugged my bags in, only to be greeted with a pale, hairy backside pumping away(!) Seems the two of them were going at it on the stairs leading up to my place. They didn't notice for a few seconds until I dropped my keys, then scrabbled about rearranging their clothes and racing into their front door.

I'm all for getting my rocks off but would really rather they did it elsewhere there's a wet patch on my stairs now

[UWhatNow]

Pity them. I’ve seen the state of carpets in the communal areas of flats - that would be a grim shag.

[dworky]

@WinterMusings

Take pity on them. They have a ground floor flat with no internal stairs! They probably thought at that hour you'd be tucked up in bed!

Take pity on perverts whose kink is being seen by unsuspecting others.

[Oopsididitagaintomorrow]

We really, really, really need to see a thread pop up now saying "neighbour caught me and DP shagging on the stairs, how do we ever face her again"
😂

[NowAAT]

So they couldn't wait until the got in the house?
Disgusting, could have been kids that caught them. No shame whatsoever.

[PaulaTrilloe]

Loving the "no ball games" sign suggestion!

Maybe install a Ring Doorbell camera on your staircase/door! (and CCTV sign!)

[AngelinaFibres]

I am impressed that your communal hallway was warm enough for stairway shagging in the early hours.They were always freezing in my young days.

[PARunnerGirl]

@dworky Perverts?! 😭An adult couple have more than likely been out for a few, feeling the love as soon as they got through the communal door and couldn’t wait another second.

It’s poor, and probably clouded, judgment. Nothing more really. I think most of us have done something similar but not been caught in the act. I’d leave it alone but if it happens again, then something quick in passing like “God I wish I had half your luck/ stamina, but please not in the communal areas again!”

[AngelinaFibres]

@CalpolDependant

It’s called the “backstairs boogaloo”. She must have read cosmo in her twenties too.

Isn't that anal sex

[ClairDeLaLune]

😂

[PaulaTrilloe]

I've now got this song stuck in my head!

[butterfliedtwo]

@LuluLehman

Lol.

No need to add "no bonking" as "No Ball Games" says it all.

😅

[Theoldwoman]

@Cobrastar

Neighbours is that you? Do you want to tell your side of the story how you ended up romping on the stairs?

I’m on the other side of the world, so definitely not me.

[WinterMusings]

@IndiganDop

I have never used a staircase in such a way. From some of the comments, I infer I may have missed out? With 3 teens in the house now it's probably not the appropriate time to find out what I have missed all these years....

you have indeed missed out.

Pay for them to go to see a film... and have lunch/dinner.

[AngelinaFibres]

We lived in a basement flat when we were young. No stairs to shag on sadly. The neighbours upstairs used to shag noisily in their bedroom. The window overlooked our little courtyard. One summer we had visitors and were sitting in the courtyard for breakfast. The shagging ( with an open window for added effect) began. When they had finished our visitors burst into a round of applause and shouted scores. It never happened again.

[DanseAvecLesLoup]

I would hop online and sign them up to all sorts of carpet cleaning product/service mailing lists. Rug Doctor will take on a whole new meaning.

[GordonsAFGirl]

'a pale hairy arse' I haven't seen for years. Cheered me up no end.

[Blossomtoes]

@NowAAT

So they couldn't wait until the got in the house?
Disgusting, could have been kids that caught them. No shame whatsoever.

How could kids have caught them in the early hours of the morning? When did we turn into the new puritans?

[RudsyFarmer]

It’s a weird thing when you stumble across an unexpected sex act in a public place. You feel violated somehow and it burns itself into your head. Particularly if your stone cold sober.

I’m going to say sorry you had to deal with that OP. They were wildly inappropriate and hopefully they are the other side of that four feeling thoroughly embarrassed.

[RudsyFarmer]

*door

[mumda]

@Theoldwoman

And why would you think the need to post about it on a public forum?

Will the media spin a story on it?

[Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint]

@WhenDovesFly

I'd make up a prominent sign for the wall in the communal entrance, like they sometimes have at swimming pools, No Running, No Ball Games, No Petting. Maybe add No Bonking to the end.

This made me laugh! Great idea!!

[BellePeppa]

@Theoldwoman

And why would you think the need to post about it on a public forum?

Why the need to open the thread and read it?

[CalpolDependant]

@AngelinaFibres

Isn't that anal sex

No, no. You’re getting it confused with a Backdoor Toodeloo. Which is when you let your husband do you up the bum before he goes away to war.

[DanseAvecLesLoup]

@CalpolDependant

No, no. You’re getting it confused with a Backdoor Toodeloo. Which is when you let your husband do you up the bum before he goes away to war.

Seems like a bit of an extreme trade off for anal sex.

[maranella]

Haha! Thanks for cheering up my Monday morning.