When/how normal is it to meet 'Son In Law to be' s parents before the wedding?

[Peakypolly]

DD is engaged and plans to marry towards the end of next year (20 months away).
DD is keen for DH and me to meet her fiancé's parents. Whilst I can understand it makes sense to meet them before the wedding,I do not particularly want to attend an evening get-together or lunch this year (two actually as they are divorced) and would rather have an informal meeting at a dress fitting/hen do closer to the marriage date.
Am I being weird about this? Do most sets of parents get to know each other well in advance of a wedding?

We met future SiL parents at an arranged meal out was nice to meet them ahead of the wedding. Just go it will be fine.

Why would your DD want her MIL at dress fitting?

Dinner / lunch sounds more logical to me and I'd expect his parents to be united for their DSon

Why on earth can’t you manage a couple of meals out so you’ve met them? There are plenty of months left in the year! Bride to be won’t want dress shopping or hen do to be about a meeting of the ILs

Each to their own, but we met in-laws well before both of our DD's weddings. Worked very well and we now have friends who we meet up with without the kids!

You don't want to attend a meal this year?

Yes, you are being weird.

We organised a dinner the night before out wedding but my parents are oversea and DHs parents live hours away and we got married in London, where we live. So we didn't have much opportunity!

Totally circumstance dependent, but personally I think it would be nice.

Even if you don't see the need, would it be that much of a chore for you, if it is what the young couple want ?

Also wondering why you would be at the dress fitting

Unless there's a huge distance to travel I can't understand why you wouldn't want to meet them

We met at the wedding itself two years ago. Not seen them since.

We have nothing in common and we don’t speak the same language so it’s no big deal to us.

I agree. Why wouldn’t you want to meet them?

Why would you not want to meet them? Dress fitting sounds awkward.

Also not sure why two dinners over the course of a year is too much.

I don't think it's compulsory but I think every married couple I know has done this. It's even in father of the bride (which is basically a documentary 😉)

This strikes me as a very strange attitude. Most families I know, the bride and grooms’ families don’t expect to become BEST friends, but certainly get to know each other socially. Aren’t you curious about them?

Totally normal. In fact totally normal to meet even before the couple gets engaged.

Yes, it is weird to be trying to avoid meeting your DD's future ILs.

Yeah it's common to meet beforehand via something like a meal etc unless there's a massive backstory like you don't live in the same country etc
I'd think it was odd that you'd decline.

I've been married twice and both times my DP's met the 'ILs' before we were married. After my first divorce my Dad carried on playing golf with ex FIL for years . As parents ourselves we've also been invited to dinner with DS's GF's DPs ... sadly the young couple broke up but we had a great evening & still have a chat with the DPs if we meet informally.

Why are you so reluctant to meet them? They're going to be a big part of your daughters life

Most people don't invite their future MIL to a dress fitting

My best friends daughter got engaged recently. My friend went out for dinner with both parents & their partners separately, for dinner. She got on especially well with her future SIL Mum.

We arranged a dinner with the two sets of parents when we moved in together, about 3 years into our relationship. They met up occasionally over the next few years so it was nice that they weren't complete strangers when we got married a few years later.

I think if you're awkward about this you are likely to upset your DD and alienate your DSiL-to-be, which seems a bit daft over a couple of dinners.

It’s hardly a big ask to go out for lunch or dinner twice before your dds wedding. She would probably like to you to get to know each other a little bit.

Sounds like you don’t like her fiancé.

We got engaged end of 2019 and married early last year. We booked a family lunch to celebrate with both sides of family (no party, just Sunday roast in local pub). It involved his family coming to stay with us for the weekend but I think both families thought the timing appropriate as we started talking about wedding plans.

We didn’t have everyone together again until the wedding but that was more to do with Covid. Now they come to stay 1/2 times per year and we arrange a meal with my parents as part of the visit. Everyone gets on- not particularly close but enough in common to have a catch up over dinner and I think it’s nice for me that my parents take an interest in my husband and family!

Why wouldn't you want to.

This is your child's life.
Aren't you at least interested? Don't you want to be involved in what's important to her?

Seems bizarre to me.

Such a no brainer

My parents met dh’s parents before we got together!

At the other end of the spectrum - db has been with his partner for 15 years, they have a child together and the parents have never met. (Not married and didn’t have their son baptised / naming ceremony.)

Are you nervous about meeting them? I do sympathise, if that’s the case. However, for the sake of convention and good relations, I would (and have) bitten many bullets and have always found it’s never as nerve-wracking as I’d anticipated!

But if you just met "informally" then you wouldn't meet her dad isn't it better to meet up for food then that's it done, Are you and your husband shy?