When/how normal is it to meet 'Son In Law to be' s parents before the wedding?

[Peakypolly]

DD is engaged and plans to marry towards the end of next year (20 months away).
DD is keen for DH and me to meet her fiancé's parents. Whilst I can understand it makes sense to meet them before the wedding,I do not particularly want to attend an evening get-together or lunch this year (two actually as they are divorced) and would rather have an informal meeting at a dress fitting/hen do closer to the marriage date.
Am I being weird about this? Do most sets of parents get to know each other well in advance of a wedding?

Are you up for it as an idea at least, just not the clunky sounding way your DD wants it to happen? If so, just tell her that. 'We'd love to meet them, how about lunch at Nice Pub after Generic Wedding Prep Event?'
If it was me, I'd like to meet them once, just so all of that getting to know you dry chat isn't happening at the wedding. Much nicer to be saying hello again than nice to meet you on the day itself. I wouldn't be keen on the whole bells and whistles of who invites who though, just get your DD to book a table for 6 on a date you can all be in the same place at the same time and either play the middle class 'no, I insist, this one is on me' game or just split 3 ways when the bill comes.

Ex DH's parents and mine met at the wedding - the dads got on splendidly, and had both turned up in matching linen suits, which broke the ice. The mums got on fine. They lived in different cities so just hadn't met.

I've ben with DP for 8 years, and again, the parentals have not met, again the city issue. It's fine. They are aware of each other, my mum has helped out with some HR issues for his mum, they ask after each other on the phone to us so know where life is at, it works for us.

I honestly don't understand why you would NOT want to do this. I mean, if it's a big special trip, then sure, perhaps closer to the wedding. But you say you all travel back and forth regularly so I cannot begin to fathom why, on one of these trips (or two, if there are two separate meetings) you wouldn't just arrange a casual dinner or lunch.

As someone with multiple siblings, all of which have married people from different places/countries/backgrounds, I can tell you that's an important and useful thing to do. Some of them you will get on better with than others but this sort of thing just oils social engagements and the reality that these people will be part of your life for a very long time. So developing a friendly approach is useful. Some might become genuinely close some might stay at a social niceties level, but that's fine. Do it for you dd.

We met up after the couple moved in together and became firm friends. My niece introduced her parents to her fiancés parents on the night before the wedding

This. We’ve already met my stepdaughter’s future ils and we’re all holding our breath waiting for the engagement announcement. They’re lovely people.

It sounds like your reticence is far more related to possible awkward-ness and meeting your DD's expectations. I would OFC want to meet the in-laws but wouldn't be thrilled to take the lead in organising 2x identical meet-ups with strangers and can also see how things like where to eat and payment might be an issue. Surely it is up to DD to organise this?

I already know dd2's Dp's parents, they were teens when they met so I popped in for a cup of tea picking her up a few times and we've been at school events. Not met up recently post covid but will this year assuming they stay together.

I'd want to meet asap once an engagement was announced, just an informal Sunday lunch perhaps

I invited my mum and MiL to a dress fitting with lunch, and this was the only time they met before the wedding. It was not a success. MiL (who is usually lovely) seemed to find a chip from somewhere to put on her shoulder, and spent the whole time sniping at my mum and incorrectly correcting her pronunciation of plant names. My mum didn’t notice, but H and I were mortified and haven’t felt the need to repeat the experiment. As far as I know they barely spoke at the wedding either. It doesn’t matter, they don’t need to see each other. I’d find it a bit suffocating if they tried to be best buddies, tbh.

Given the distance involved & the fact that future SILs parents are divorced and it would involved two separate meet ups surely it is up to the 'young couple' to arrange and host the meet up? Very rude to expect you to arrange and pay for a meal. When my DPs met ILs my husband to be and I arranged, and paid for, a meal in a restaurant. It doesn't have to be a meal out, why can't they host when you are visiting and invite the other set of parents along to a meal (or coffee/tea) at home?