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Original poster

When/how normal is it to meet 'Son In Law to be' s parents before the wedding?

109 replies

Peakypolly · 26/02/2023 18:43

DD is engaged and plans to marry towards the end of next year (20 months away).
DD is keen for DH and me to meet her fiancé's parents. Whilst I can understand it makes sense to meet them before the wedding,I do not particularly want to attend an evening get-together or lunch this year (two actually as they are divorced) and would rather have an informal meeting at a dress fitting/hen do closer to the marriage date.
Am I being weird about this? Do most sets of parents get to know each other well in advance of a wedding?

OP posts:
PartingGift · 26/02/2023 19:01

Makes sense to get to know them. Your families are going to be joined. Seems strange to say you don't want to meet them this year. If your daughter has children, you'll carry on meeting them at birthday parties, sports days, football matches, Christmas etc etc. Makes sense to build bridges now.

Unless they live far away, seems a bit odd that you haven't already meet them.

Mrsjayy · 26/02/2023 19:02

His dad her husband, is what I meant to say.

MrsBunnyEars · 26/02/2023 19:03

You’re not being weird, you’re being unfriendly to the in laws to be and unkind to your daughter.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Surelyitscoffeetime · 26/02/2023 19:05

Sorry I really don’t get this. These people will be the other GPs to your GC (if they have children, of course). They will be a big part of your DDs life and part of your extended family. Why on Earth would you not see the importance of meeting them and getting to know them?

Kranke · 26/02/2023 19:07

Our parents didn’t meet each other until after our baby was born. We eloped for our wedding (parents knew beforehand and we’re happy for us). They live far apart and we didn’t really see it as a ‘thing’. They’re not going to see each other often due to distance, everybody got on well.

If it were me in your position, your daughter wants this and it’s only two meetings. It sounds like you have some anxiety about going out to eat. You could just meet for a coffee/drink if that’s the issue?

soleilblue · 26/02/2023 19:08

I do not particularly want to attend an evening get-together or lunch this year (two actually as they are divorced) so are you not going out at all this year?

Could you not just go to a spoons?

soleilblue · 26/02/2023 19:08

Kranke · 26/02/2023 19:07

Our parents didn’t meet each other until after our baby was born. We eloped for our wedding (parents knew beforehand and we’re happy for us). They live far apart and we didn’t really see it as a ‘thing’. They’re not going to see each other often due to distance, everybody got on well.

If it were me in your position, your daughter wants this and it’s only two meetings. It sounds like you have some anxiety about going out to eat. You could just meet for a coffee/drink if that’s the issue?

Yes I'm wondering if a coffee might work for you?

Authorisatingarchibald · 26/02/2023 19:09

Pretty standard for both sets of parents to meet after the engagement.

viques · 26/02/2023 19:11

Peakypolly · 26/02/2023 18:43

DD is engaged and plans to marry towards the end of next year (20 months away).
DD is keen for DH and me to meet her fiancé's parents. Whilst I can understand it makes sense to meet them before the wedding,I do not particularly want to attend an evening get-together or lunch this year (two actually as they are divorced) and would rather have an informal meeting at a dress fitting/hen do closer to the marriage date.
Am I being weird about this? Do most sets of parents get to know each other well in advance of a wedding?

How far apart do you live? If lunch or dinner sounds too much then what about a drink or coffee?

TriedTurningItOff · 26/02/2023 19:11

They'll be your FAMILY soon ...

choirmumoftwo · 26/02/2023 19:11

I think it's lovely to invite your future MIL to go wedding dress shopping, especially if they don't have a daughter. Mine came with me, my DM and DSis and it was a really nice day.

SheilaFentiman · 26/02/2023 19:11

My dress was in a sale and fit straight away. And I only invited friends on my hen do.

Mostly - do this cos your DD would like it. It’s only lunch. Unless you live in another country or something!

Eas1lyd1stracted · 26/02/2023 19:14

This makes me sad. I wanted my parents to do the same with my in laws but parents just wouldn't prioritise it. Its a lovely (and pretty common) thing to do prior to the stress of wedding preparations.

Although I slightly got it due to the distance and my parents and I not being close it would have been nice. On the day my Dad was actually really poorly in hospital and so they've never met. Wedding dress shopping I did with my wife as it was covid times.

So I think my example points out you just never know what's going to happen. It's added to the distance going forward and my wife feels awkward spending time with them.

Mrsjayy · 26/02/2023 19:15

choirmumoftwo · 26/02/2023 19:11

I think it's lovely to invite your future MIL to go wedding dress shopping, especially if they don't have a daughter. Mine came with me, my DM and DSis and it was a really nice day.

DD invited her future MiL which I thought was nice.

titchy · 26/02/2023 19:15

Really can't you manage to make an effort for a couple of hours twice this year, for the sake of your dd? Yeah that's weird that you don't want to.

schnubbins · 26/02/2023 19:16

What an absolutely sad post

itsgettingweird · 26/02/2023 19:17

There's so many different ways families meet and cross via marriage. I'm not sure there's a right or normal way.

But your dd wants you to meet them. I don't understand why you won't do it for her?

Meandfour · 26/02/2023 19:18

Sugarfree23 · 26/02/2023 18:46

Why would your DD want her MIL at dress fitting?

Dinner / lunch sounds more logical to me and I'd expect his parents to be united for their DSon

Why wouldn’t she? I had both my mum and my MIL at mine.

Logburnerperils · 26/02/2023 19:19

Our parents met before the wedding for a lunch pub meal type thing. Quite informal and was nice. 1 of about 4 times they have met in 16 years 😁

Original poster
Peakypolly · 26/02/2023 19:20

Thanks everyone.
There will be a flight involved but that isn't an excuse in itself. It does mean that just a coffee or similar won't be an option.
My DM didn't meet DH's parents until the rehearsal dinner but that was years ago (obviously) and not in the UK.
I think I am unsure over who invites who ...and who offers to pay. My DD says it is up to us to navigate this. Also I am an over-thinker but it is useful to know I am being the weirdo here.

OP posts:
BiasedBinding · 26/02/2023 19:20

Yes this is a really normal/common thing to do.

Lyricallie · 26/02/2023 19:22

Yea this is really normal, although my family didn’t. They met at our engagement party
and then the wedding. My in laws are pretty anti social and they have been invited to things and always cancel last minute that my family and I find quite rude.

Original poster
Peakypolly · 26/02/2023 19:25

Could you not just go to a spoons?
Haha- you could not begin to imagine my DD's reaction if I suggested this 😂

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 26/02/2023 19:26

The flight does make a bit of a difference… but are you over at all before the wedding?

Polis · 26/02/2023 19:26

Why would your DD want her MIL at dress fitting?

My MIL made my dress fit.