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Original poster

Do you tell your DS DD how much you earn?

120 replies

Mixedin · 25/02/2023 21:36

We work in a sector where salary is not discussed. Plus one of us earns much more. Do you discuss it? How?

I suppose the generational assumption is that DH earns more. So for some reason it feels ick to say I do.

OP posts:
Justmeandthedog1 · 25/02/2023 21:38

No, I don’t think I’ve I’ve ever told anyone how much I earned apart from HMRC and my accountant. I can’t imagine why anyone, including my children, would be interested or want to know.

Brokendaughter · 25/02/2023 21:38

I did, but only because it happened to be relevant to the conversation at the time.

I actually think it's good for kids of either sex to know that women can out earn men.

Babyleafy · 25/02/2023 21:41

No, but I wonder if I should. DS1 seems to have a strange idea that I have "just" an office job whereas his father (and GF's father) have skilled "good" jobs. They do, but I'm willing to bet I earn more than either of them.

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 25/02/2023 21:43

Yes. I think it's important for my 17yo to understand money - it doesn't grow on trees, I work hard for it and despite earning X amount, this is how far it has to stretch to pay bills, rent and everything else. It's easy to think that eg 20k is masses but when you know how far it has to stretch it puts it in perspective.

Anotherschooldilemma · 25/02/2023 21:45

My 9yo knows how much I earn.
I dont think he knows how much DH earns.

Girasoli · 25/02/2023 21:47

How old are they? I haven't told my 6 year old because he would probably blurt it out to everyone, but I'd tell an older child - it's good to learn about finances.

Why do you think your DC think your DH is the higher earner? DC are used to seeing women in all sorts of jobs nowadays.

QforCucumber · 25/02/2023 21:48

Justmeandthedog1 · 25/02/2023 21:38

No, I don’t think I’ve I’ve ever told anyone how much I earned apart from HMRC and my accountant. I can’t imagine why anyone, including my children, would be interested or want to know.

This approach baffles me tbh, we all discuss what we earn, potential jobs and benefits/salary packages with family as well as friends - and it’s 2 way conversations. Also the as per pp my kids know that I go to work to earn and it isn’t an infinite amount.

my friends have seen me at my best and my absolute worst, our earnings and jobs are a part of that and I think being open about these things helps to know when people are being shortchanged in their roles.

honestlyno · 25/02/2023 21:48

My 10 year old asked and I told her. We are far too uptight about this kind of thing in the UK.

Bluegrass22 · 25/02/2023 21:50

My kids know how much my husband and I earn, and that we work overtime if we need to save for something big. I think it's important they know money doesn't grow on trees, and that they won't have the type of life they want if they don't have a fairly decent paying job. They think we are poor with a joint income of over £80k. I like to be able to tell them how many hours I had to work to pay for things like Nike trainers/meals out.

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 25/02/2023 21:51

My older teen DSC know what I earn or at least an approximate because they asked and I don't mind telling them. My DD6 doesn't because she's too young but I won't have any issue telling her when she's older. I earn just slightly more than my DH. I'm public sector so if you know my job role it's not that hard to know what I earn.

fruitbrewhaha · 25/02/2023 21:52

Yes of course I have. We run our own businesses and I absolutely tell my kids how much money we earn, how much the house costs and give them an idea of what we can afford. I hope the makes them understand that money has to be earned and doesn’t just appear. That we have to make good decisions about spending and investments.

avocadotofu · 25/02/2023 21:55

My DS is only four so I've not told him yet but I would be happy to talk to him about it when he's older. I think it good to talk about finances.

Original poster
Mixedin · 25/02/2023 21:57

Girasoli · 25/02/2023 21:47

How old are they? I haven't told my 6 year old because he would probably blurt it out to everyone, but I'd tell an older child - it's good to learn about finances.

Why do you think your DC think your DH is the higher earner? DC are used to seeing women in all sorts of jobs nowadays.

Teenagers. I suppose I’m making my own assumptions for them. They’re at a stage of deciding what to do/be and I don’t want them to make cash led decisions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mixedin · 25/02/2023 21:58

honestlyno · 25/02/2023 21:48

My 10 year old asked and I told her. We are far too uptight about this kind of thing in the UK.

its true we’re uptight re this

OP posts:
MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 25/02/2023 22:00

Mixedin · 25/02/2023 21:57

Teenagers. I suppose I’m making my own assumptions for them. They’re at a stage of deciding what to do/be and I don’t want them to make cash led decisions.

Show quote history

I'd love for DD to follow her heart job wise, but a starving poet in a garret is even less romantic nowadays than it was 150 years ago. Mine may not set the world on fire job wise, but it's really important to know that if the thing you most want to do pays peanuts and you really want to travel in your spare time, it is never going to happen and you need to manage your expectations.

WentForAWalk · 25/02/2023 22:03

I knew what my parents earn and my children know what I earn. They also know the bills I pay. They know what jobs earn what and how much other jobs I had paid.

I've no idea why you wouldn't discuss this with your children.

MegaClutterSlut · 25/02/2023 22:03

Dd 16 and ds 20 know how much me and dh earn. I know how much ds earns, don't know why people get uptight about it tbh

Original poster
Mixedin · 25/02/2023 22:07

WentForAWalk · 25/02/2023 22:03

I knew what my parents earn and my children know what I earn. They also know the bills I pay. They know what jobs earn what and how much other jobs I had paid.

I've no idea why you wouldn't discuss this with your children.

ok so it’s obvs weird we’ve never done this. I’ll try and work out how to start from now.

OP posts:
Babyleafy · 25/02/2023 22:13

I've recently become widowed (in my 50s) and my dad has helped me sort out some financial things. It's the first time he's ever had any idea of my financial situation and I still have no idea of his except he keeps banging on about inheritance tax and I tell him to spend it

DancingDaughter50 · 25/02/2023 22:21

People don't talk about it but expect their dc to magically understand money and bills and financial responsibility or moan at them for not pulling their weight

Op what industry is it where money isn't

discussed because usually its not discussed?

My 10 year old knows what we both earn and we have shown them our spreadsheet where each penny is allocated somewhere each month.
They have seen our bills total and what's left over. They understand we don't use credit cards except for very speficic things and that we don't use them for what we couldn't pay off immediately.

My 10 year old understands shares and that a company like apple or Unilever are good investments especially Unilever because it sells so many different types of product across the world.

I've also purchased a book recommend on here about grandpa's fortune fables which imparts stuff like macdonald makes money from land etc.

I had no sense of budgeting or anything and I want to. Arm dc with as much financial knowledge as i can and I hope they will follow our lead and divide up their income when they earn as we do.

Zanatdy · 25/02/2023 22:24

Yes I don’t understand secrecy around salary with your own family members

commentnotaquestion · 25/02/2023 22:25

I've talked to my DS from primary age about how much I earn (single parent), how much the house is worth etc. Like other posters, I think it's really important that he understands how much our (modest) standard of living costs and what he would need to earn if he wants to match it or improve it. If he wants to go into a lower paid career, he'd absolutely have my blessing, but I'd want him to go into that with his eyes open and understand what the trade offs are.

lunar1 · 25/02/2023 22:26

They know our earnings, our mortgage, bills and expenditure. They know what a meal out at various places costs.

The know you our finances compare to the national average. We talk about why some jobs may be paid significantly more than others, and what can happen if there is a time when we can't work.

Who on earth do people think is going to teach their children about the cost of living and running a household if it's even secret at home! There is no wonder so many young people end up in a mess.

AnnieMore · 25/02/2023 22:27

My eldest knows because he asked. I don’t get being secretive about such things.

LindorDoubleChoc · 25/02/2023 22:27

Yes roughly, not to the penny. They don't know the exact amount (and neither do we tbh).

Growing up young adults need to know how to live within their means and possibly have the great luxury of saving a bit, that's what matters.