Do you tell your DS DD how much you earn?

[Mixedin]

We work in a sector where salary is not discussed. Plus one of us earns much more. Do you discuss it? How?

I suppose the generational assumption is that DH earns more. So for some reason it feels ick to say I do.

Agree with this totally. It’s not about ‘cash led’ - it’s being upfront. Dream jobs are often not so dreamy if you are so stressed about making ends meet.

I think I’ve created my own <false> narrative because their peers are getting cars/£££ different level means. Realise now that the real explanation is too late.

I've never considered telling my kids what we earn.

I'm not persuaded it's a great idea.

Older teenagers probably have a rough idea of what we earn. I make a point of saying that Dad and I earn about the same amount (which we do). They know we have about £200k to pay on the mortgage too.

dd 10 asked me what we earn (I refused to tell her)

im embarrassed about our salary and money causes resentment and jealously so I don’t want people knowing.

I do tell her how much the bills are though

My DC are too young but when they're older I want to be very honest about what we earn and how much our lifestyle costs. I didn't know what my parents earned when I was young (spoiler: it was almost double what I would have guessed they earned). I had no idea it took so much money to fund a quite ordinary life.

I was very naive entering the workforce about what a 'good' salary was and what sort of lifestyle I could have. I always worked, from a paper round to crappy part time retail jobs through school and uni, so I though I knew the value of money but I really didn't get just how expensive running a house/car/children are. I thought £20k sounded like a fortune and I would be buying myself an Audi wth my first paycheck. I wish I had had more realistic expectations!

Mine are too small to have any sense of what it actually means. We talk about money in a general sense and the cost of things. When my Dd (10) selects things to buy she seems to set cursory boundaries of budget even though they weren’t set for her - so clearly cash is something she has a sense of.

as DH works for home and I don’t I suspect they think I am the “wage earner”. He takes in a more traditional role - does the school run, cooks dinner etc. but works the same hours.

abyway, having worked with teens my whole life I think some sort of discussion around salary is useful. I have lost track of young people asking me “what is the highest paid job you can get?” Then deciding they will be a consultant plastic surgeon based on a quick Google. Or seeing a fairly basic average wage and thinking it a kings ransom.

I would encourage financial conversation and general financial literacy. I am not sure I would get into who earns more unless it becomes an issue

This is insightful. I think mine think mine vastly underestimate the ££ for the lifestyle they’re used to.

my own angst re earning more

I don't think they need to know. They need to economically savvy but that does not mean they need to know specifics.

Yes, in an age-appropriate way. DD is nearly six; I will say things like 'well, we need to think before we buy [treat item] because that amount of money takes we two whole weeks to earn'. She knows that is I work two hours overtime we can afford fish and chips, because we often do this. At the moment it is not very serious, but I think it is very healthy for children to grow up knowing where money comes from and how it relates to what is bought for the household, and I also think it is important they know that some jobs are better paid than others.

When I was growing up my dad had a weird form of former-working-class guilt and constantly told us how poor and working class we were. He never gave us any sense of how much money he earned, and I found out as an adult that he earned way over the average. I grew up internalising the message that we were poor, and simultaneously thinking that it was normal to expect certain luxuries. My DP's parents were quite different - they were on benefits from the time DP was 4, and never really worked, but in the same way, they let DP believe this was totally normal and inevitable. When we had DD, we both decided we would just be very straight with her. We don't make a big deal about it, we're just factual in terms of telling her 'x costs y amount; this is how much I earned today; here is how x relates to our income'. We also talk about the whole picture in front of her - so she knows, for example, that I gave up my old job so I could do something where I can pick her up from school, because I like to do that.

No but I use their pc to do accounts and they can see if they wanted.

Ugh, sorry, I have so many typos in those first sentences!

What @fruitbrewhaha said.
I’ve told DD (11) what I earn, how much the house cost, and how much she’d need to earn to afford a flat/house in the future.
I think it’s important for children to understand these things, and finances in general.
I wish I’d known more about pensions for instance, when I was younger.

Mine know we have good jobs because we worked hard at school and did STEM degres so earn well above average and that I earn more than DH. They also know they will get the minimum loan when they go to Uni and we will top them up as required. They don't need to know more than that yet, they are young teens.

@SarahAndQuack

Remeber the balance though you don't want dc to be worried about your money etc

No, my earnings, and dh's earnings are private. Not from each other as obviously we are financially linked, but what we earn is nothing to do with anyone else.

I ean, we both work in roles that it wouldn't be too difficult for them to do an internet search and find out roughly what we earn if they needed to, but I can't see why anyone other than someone like a mortgage advisor or a lawyer if you were getting a divorce, or your accountant if you have one, would need to know what you earn.

You can still have discussions with teens about comparative earning potential of different jobs and what you need to do study wise to work towards higher earning jobs if you have the ability and inclination. You can have those conversations about how much more a Doctor earns than a nurse or a teacher rather than a TA and so forth, along with looking at the qualifications needed to get the different jobs and the responsibility you carry. A conversation you extend to look at things like job satisfaction (or not), job security, benefits and so forth - explaining life isn't all about money, but, let's be honest, the more money you have, the more choices you have.

Using without any sort of context I think giving figures of a teachers salary etc doesn't mean much.

Even if they didn't see your actual salary I think it's good to show them outgoings and how their parents manage their money!

We have always been very clear how much DH and I both earn, and about finances and budgeting in general .

I new how much my parents earned and my children know approximately what we earn .We also know approximately how much our children earn ..am not sure what the secrecy is for !it is how people learn the value of money

Absolutely I would when they’re older.

I don’t understand the secrecy.

I want my children to have a good understanding of money. How to earn it, manage it, the value of it, and the pitfalls. It’s just another fact of life to me.

My DS asked what I earn the other day, but I didn't tell him because he might mention it to friends in front of their parents. People can be funny about what others earn. I earn well and support our family on my salary (DH doesn't work due to mental health). I have been on the end of some negative judgement jealousy in the past from some people because of that. It seems to make some people feel inadequate, more so because I'm a woman. Besides, it's no one else's business.
I do explain the value of money to DS, and the importance of getting a job that you not only enjoy but pays enough to support you. But he doesn't need to know my financial details to learn this.

Actually, I do want DD to be worried about money when it comes to large sums. As I said, I was brought up to believe we were hard up, but at the same time, we had various luxuries that I simply assumed 'everyone' could afford - o even, I assumed they were the 'poor' version of what most people had.

I want DD to worry a little, absolutely! I do not want to raise a spoilt child who thinks 'mummy can afford everything!' I want her to be able to think 'hmm ... perhaps there are limits in life'.

It is really healthy for children to feel some responsibility, and to see a direct connection between what we adults are doing, and what we say is going to happen for them. If I say 'DD, we can't go to Disneyland Florida,' I want DD to understand that is because we cannot afford it. It's not a whim of mine, because I disapprove or because I don't like the idea. If it were those things, I would tell her so.

I would never let her feel worried about how we afford food or heating or school uniform. But I certainly do want to let her understand that you might worry about money for luxuries, and you might end up realising you can't afford everything you would like.

I can see why telling younger children might not work well, but when my DD asked in her teens I told her - it's up there on the internet anyway, as was her father's. I'd expect it to be kept within the family.

I can't think of a reason not to tell. Parents hand out pocket money or set a work rate for it.

I remember my very first job in the summer of '70 when my dad asked me what my wage was. I said he didn't tell my mum what he was paid so I wouldn't tell him. He took it well. I found out last year that he pissed away money on slot machines.

Sarah dc that young have no context and could become insecure.

I did explain how I give her context, though. I do absolutely see that if you haven't raised your child with any sense of a context in which things cost money, you couldn't suddenly blindside them with it. But I didn't do that. I quite carefully chose to weave in these details from when she was very young, precisely because it is something I believe is very important.

If you do not give children context to understand money from a young age, you are setting them up for a fall. It is really important to separate the message 'you are worth so much as a person' and the message 'this is how much we can afford as a family'. You can do this quite easily for a small child - but you need to make the message explicit and you need to make sure you keep thinking about what other messages your child is getting from their social group.