If you could get away with one single crime

[Soubriquet]

What would it be?

Mine would be robbing a bank I think. Plenty of money to keep me going

Definitely fiddle the Euro Millions.

I’m in. You come up with the plan. We will leave at dawn.

Disturbing thread! My first thought was murder too and I didn’t even have anyone particularly in mind. Quite a glimpse into the dark recesses of the human psyche.

I'd superglue a naked David Cameron to a naked Boris Johnson in the 69 position, then superglue them to the outside lane of the M25.

As a (former I suppose) victim of a serious crime, mine would be soliciting for murder.

I couldn't do it myself, I can't even swat flies, but I would like to know that my problem (not dealt with properly by Police) would never come back and I could feel safe alone in the house.

Online bank theft.

Clear £20 million out from either one of the big gas/energy companies or a bank.

I'd become the terriorist I have always wanted to be. A member of the vigilante arm of Cats Protection. Someone who would punish people who are cruel to animals.

This!!

@Gwen82 Have you seen Tar? Cate Blanchett is fabulous as usual. Particularly satisfying is the scene where she sorts out her child’s bully.

@Gwen82 I read it S if your child was being bullied. Mine is. It is torture.

A few seconds or a few hours. It doesn't matter - the person who wrote that has a disturbing fantasy and is not someone I would want to know.

Really? I thought it was quite understandable given the person in question physically harmed the posters sick baby and then lied to cover themselves.

Do you know the other side of the story? I don't.

And I repeat: having a fantasy of blowtorching someone's face off is the fantasy of someone who is disturbed and disturbing.

I'd like to commit some techie crime that signed over every piece of green space (not including people's gardens obviously) to me. I would then personally review every single building application and turn most of them down. There'd never be another amazon warehouse built again.

So long as I didn’t have to get my hands dirty - as in I just have to sign it off and give a short nod when the deed is done - I’d like Ian Huntley to experience exactly what he put Holly & Jessica through. Including how he disposed of them.

For some reason that crime has always stayed with me.

I'd nick fruiting cherry, apricot, lemon and lime trees from other people's gardens.

That made me laugh

@Florissant it's called a dark sense of humour. It's the kind of thing people say to express how angry or upset they are at a situation. It doesn't mean they would actually do it if handed a blow torch. Numerous people have said on this thread they would murder. You haven't picked on them. Is murder ok because they haven't gone into detail about how they would take someone's life? I said I want to push cyclists off their bikes... doesn't mean I would do it though (god I'd love to have the guts!! 😆)
I think you should leave the thread if you're going to take the spirit of it the wrong way.

I did this once, my ds pointed out a bully at soft play he was only about 5 but I took his hand and whispered in his ear if he was ever mean to my ds again I'd bite every one of his fingers off.
Did the trick, he never bullied him again.

I’d kidnap Putin and leave him tied up outside the Ukrainian parliament building dressed in a pink tutu and fairy wings.

I like this.

I would burn my neighbours bramble patch garden down.

@postitpatty thank you and yes, to confirm, I won't actually be blowtorching the doctor's face!

Funnily enough I was initially going to write my fantasy of pushing the doctor into the river while they are weighed down by a heavy winter coat and boots. However, I thought that was a bit much because I (wrongly, it seems) thought murder would be a more offensive fantasy than a gentle blowtorching.

Anyway I think we can all agree that the post about Boris Johnson and David Cameron is the most disturbing one here. 😆

I’d like to be able to get away with driving into inconsiderate drivers and just shrugging at them when they start losing their shit.

you know the type, arseholes who park across 2 bays to “protect” their car, those who use parent spaces or park across no park areas just because they are clearly special.

Id absolutely LOVE to just smash into the side of them. I don’t want to hurt them of course, just massively inconvenience them when I provide them with fake contact and insurance details (as well as a fake licence plate!)

Love it 🤣🤣

My good crime would be to divert a couple of billion from the accounts of Bezos and his other mega-billionaires to sort out poverty, help victims of earthquakes, war, etc, with a decent chunk left over for me and my family and friends.

My evil crime would be to eliminate all those on my shit list.