What is something someone has said that is etched in your brain?

[WhiteNoiseMoreToys]

Mine is when I was 17, pretty self conscious and just finished being intimate with my then boyfriend.

We decided to get up and go out and as I sat up to put my top on he poked my belly and said “Christ, you could feed Africa with that tyre” it baffles me now, how brazen it was to just come out with it. But I was a size 8-10 and honestly I think I’m still confused 😂

Its one of those things that ‘pop’ into my mind at random times ans it’s gout me wondering what others peoples ‘moments’ are when they remember something someone has said that might not have significance, but will always be remembered.

When I was having my first child. I was having a very difficult birth and the midwife said how am I supposed to support your legs someone your size ! I was overweight but not enormous. Also my mum telling me she loved her grandchildren more than me. I have boys she always said they were better than girls 😳

One of my ex husbands friends, when I was a young mum living on a sink council estate, when I told him I hoped to do a degree one day (I left school at 16). He hooted with laughter and said 'You?! Get a degree!' in a very derisory tone.

Yeah fuck you matey, I did once I'd left his mate, and got a First...

My husband's friend on hearing we had a second child "oh she'll be all loose done there now", worse was it was written in a letter. F**g Twat!

14 years old, my Mom was telling a friend of hers I needed to lose weight. I told her my legs were solid (as in muscly - they were) and she said ‘yes they’re solid fat’

My parents telling me (claiming it was funny) on more than one occasion that they always knew I would be difficult because they only wanted boys and I was their 1st born. I never liked it and once I had kids of my own it fills me with rage every time I think about it.

Your so fat and ugly I could have told you youll never keep a man.

My father when I age 17 broke up with my first boyfriend.

I had a mental health crisis at the end of my first year at university that resulted in me withdrawing from my first degree.

Told my (not very nice) brother and soon-to-be-SIL that I had given up my degree (as they had walked into my parents sitting room while I was in the throes of the peak of my breakdown.) Their response was “that’s bloody stupid, you’ll never get anywhere without a degree.”

6 months later went back to a nurturing college and then went on to get a degree and study overseas… Haven’t spoken to them since and it’s lovely!

"She's not a high flyer"
Said to my parents at parents' evening. I wasn't even there, why on earth would they feel the need to tell me? Whoever said it was right - although just to have got off the ground would have been nice.

'You're ugly' - a passing man pointing at me in the street

Oh so many, sooo many!
When i was 12 or 13 and given an art project to do a big mixed-media picture of a garden. There was no money at home and no support with homework from my parents, but I excitedly set about creating with the resources I could get hold of, sticking several sheets of a4 together to make a big sheet, colouring it green with my watercolours, and cutting out 100’s of petals from coloured waste paper to make lots of different flowers. My young male art teacher looked at it and said ‘it’s very basic and not a lot of effort has been put in’.
It really stung and still does to this day. Over 20 years later I sometimes think about looking up the stupid man and letting him know the impact it had, and checking if he’s worked out the difference between lack of resources and lack of effort by now 😂
I also remember my dad looking at a picture of butterfly I’d drawn with lots of different colours and shapes on the wings, and saying ‘it’s a bit childish’ - I was 7.
My mum pointing out my singing was out of tune, also around 7.
The comments that have hurt the most seem to have been about my creative endeavours interestingly, and I do think with more support and encouragement I would be so much more of an artistic adult.

Mine was a very recent one after watching a documentary about the murder of Libby Squire. Her body was found in the Humber after seven weeks. She was only 21 and her mum was so brave on the documentary.

She talked about when the police came to tell her that a body had been found and it was Libby. Obviously they advised her not to see the body due to the condition of it after being in the water for so long but she said she had to. She talked about how she sat with Libby for hours to say goodbye to her baby girl. I absolutely cried, just imagining, as a mother, how fucking heartbreaking that is…how do you go on after that? Honestly, her words will live with me forever.

My dad told me to be sweeter and more like my big sister when I was a teenager...that really pissed me off.
I still to this day feel he prefers her.

So many very sad things on here. I'd hug you all if I could.
But these two things will always stay with me..and they are wonderful.
"The best is yet to come!" by a lovely but very frail Christian man (aged 94), looking forward to heaven where he'll no longer be frail and old.
And my almost adult daughter on hearing of her much loved gran dieing in her sleep..."When she fell asleep she was with Grandpa. When she woke up, she was with Jesus."

My mum - 'I don't want her to come with us, she spoils everything.' Plus more snarky comments than I can recall about my small breasts, height (I was five foot eight at twelve). I was about 17.

My dad - 'Just remember, whatever you do, we'll always love you.' Can't recall the context, but I was about eleven and probably stressing over school. Dad died when I was 13. I often wonder how different my life would be, how different I'D be, if I'd had him cheerleading me on like that.

"You're a horrible little girl and we never wanted you in the first place"

My father when I was nine

I was an extremely self conscious teenager. I had really bad hair, a bit overweight etc and was having a very rough time at school.
Anyway one year, a valentines card arrived through the post for me. The writing on the envelope had clearly been disguised (different sized letters etc) but I was so excited that I had a card! The card, had a picture of a cartoon pig on it. I remember just getting this sinking feeling and wondering why on earth anyone would choose that card - if not to imply that I was actually some kind of pig. I was so hurt and embarrassed.
Having studied the fake writing carefully, it looked suspiciously like it had come from my Mum.......sigh.

Another example from mother dearest - I got a big promotion at work a few years ago and she made a cats bum face and said "do you really think you're good enough for that? Are you going to be able to cope?"

As I got older, I somewhat blossomed from a very awkward teenager into quite a good looking adult. My mum would make a point of telling me - "you're not pretty, definitely NOT pretty, I'd say you're somewhat attractive in your own way"......

I was self conscious about my bum and made the fatal mistake of asking my then BF (now husband) if it was big. His response: "well, it's certainly not the pertest arse I've ever seen"

I've got loads more examples unfortunately!

I've only read one page of this thread and can already see the common denominator: vile, insecure (usually older) men putting younger women down to make themselves feel better.

Ive had derogatory comments made to me by men in my life but I tend to find it amusing as I have high self esteem and know it's because they're ugly, insecure fuckers who would've like to get me into bed and knew they didn't have a chance in hell. Ditto the insecure boyfriends who want to knock your confidence so you don't leave them for someone else.

Honestly MN-srs - it's not you, it's them. Please don't let these stupid comments still define you.

You're no fun unless you've had a drink.

Your arms are so long you look like a monkey.

Everyone is having sex. Even those girls who are younger than you. There's something wrong with you if you don't want to. (I was 14)

You'd be pretty if you didn't have to wear glasses.

My ex desperately trying to think of why he loved/liked me. Apparently the only thing he could come up with was 'because you love me'.

So no other likeable features. Great.

I got a degree in my mid 40's, studying for it whilst working full time as a single mum.

On hearing this my so called 'd'dad said to my mum 'I won't believe she's really qualified until I see the certificate!'

The fact that I'd already been notified by letter was of no significance as I could apparently have 'forged it'!!

That was just one of thousands of insults from my very young childhood until the day he died. He was vile.

When I was 15 my Dad was at Parents Evening with me. The Physics teacher told my Dad "Your daughter has a snowballs chance in hell of passing her Physics exam". I was so determined to prove him wrong, so I revised constantly and managed to scrape a grade C

@caringcarer

This is so weird because exactly the same thing happened to me. My science teacher said exactly the same thing and I also got a C grade. To be fair, science really wasn’t one of my strong points and I was stunned that I passed because it was a very long time ago when just passing was good enough. I often wonder if he said it to motivate people he thought were capable but lazy.

Did you go to school in SE London?

On the plus side - when I was working in the City of London I had a colleague who was always cheerful and always positive - it should have been annoying but for some reason it wasn't. Nothing fazed him and nothing upset him, and he had a saying for stressful situations - 'One day we'll look back on this and laugh.'

Thanks, Cliff. Have used that one a lot down the years.

'let's face it, nobody in this village is going to want you for you. Everyone knows that your parents are minted'

It's sad that so many examples on this thread is negative things that were said. Do we all remember those more than the positive? It's also sad and telling that so much of this is about appearance and/or weight and body shaming and that those comments stay with people and really prevent them feeling fully confident for so long after. Strikes me that it becomes a very easy way to control women, their aspirations and dreams if you can completely destroy confidence by commenting on appearance. This is one reason I always feel we have a duty to fight this and not put this sort of stuff onto other women. It's interesting so many of these are appearance-based comments from mothers! When you think about it, why should such trivial comments end up stunting people's self esteem and holding them back in life?

For all the awful negative comments, are there any positive ones that have stayed with people? Not to turn it into a "brag" thread, so putting generic things and comments from romantic partners etc aside, some that have stayed with me: "you're really interesting to talk to. I really like talking with you". I liked that one. Others about things I've done workwise, so a bit too outing, but it's positive to have nice comment about something you've actively done. An appearance one, a friend once told me I had perfect ears! I don't think anyone has ever noticed them since, but for some reason it stayed with me and always makes me laugh.

My mum (died aged 97 a couple of years ago) said that when she was 14 her nasty aunt said to her, "You're rather plain, aren't you?" and Mum replied, "It's funny, Auntie, but people say I take after you!"