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Original poster

The secret things you do that no-one else knows....

596 replies

Frt · 16/02/2023 11:07

Every day that DP is out of the house at work, I buy an early-afternoon energy drink. They are rancid, sugary, unhealthy and downright common as muck but I absolutely love the buzz I get for the rest of the day. DP would be appalled with me if he found out 😅

My MN habit is a secret too. I don't have children, and I'm meant to have a professional, busy job which doesn't allow time for fucking about online. But here I am. I'm friends with a lot of women with young children who regularly talk about things being discussed on MN. I feign surprise or interest but I'm really thinking "Yeah, I saw that".

When I'm stressed and home alone, I talk to myself. I talk myself through what's getting me down, why, and what I need to do. I also reassure myself saying things like "Pull yourself together, it's fine, make a list and let's start at the top". I have no shame about this, I think its a perfectly normal thing to do. Except that I talk to myself in random accents. Today I went inexplicably scouse. My temporary foreign accent syndrome is the reason I keep this particularly activity a secret.

Tell me your secrets....

BTW, long-timer but NC just in case!

OP posts:
rahrahsa · 17/02/2023 14:42

I like watching K-dramas. There are so many of them, and they are generally light and easy to watch. They are pure escapism. I'm watching one about a time travelling doctor atm 😆

pinkyvase · 17/02/2023 14:49

I cannot get to sleep without reading mumsnet to send me off. I used to be a voracious reader but I now read more mumsnet - I have learned SO much from various threads though and am a better and stronger person for imagining myself in the scenarios I read about every day. I rarely contribute but I get SO invested in so many of other peoples problems

Mars27 · 17/02/2023 15:13

Pumpupthejampumpitup · 17/02/2023 14:05

@CatnaryReturns and @bringincrazyback It’s a local group of people from mainly my town. Loads of us, so there’s always a friendly face to catch a train with. Huge WhatsApp group.

Printworks, MoSound. Loads going on locally and further afield. And often starting at lunchtime and finishing before last train home. We try and travel together and look out for each other. Ages from mid 30s to mid 60s.

Are there club nights specifically for the middle aged or are they regular club nights? I miss clubbing but the thought of going to a place full of late teens/early 20s and stay awake until the early hours fills me with dread (I live 5 min away from the Ministry of Sound tho).

Maybe I should start looking for tea dances at the Age UK website

BigFatLiar · 17/02/2023 15:36

Maybe I should start looking for tea dances at the Age UK website

We do tea dances, they're a fun afternoon.

We used to take the girls with us occasionally, they quite enjoyed it. We've even been known to do dinner dances.

MargaretHooper · 17/02/2023 16:04

I'm a retired Scottish woman who has a passion for Russian hardbass. Know the lyrics to the most banging tunes, along with the "moves" ( it's not really dancing). It fills a need somewhere in me!

REP22 · 17/02/2023 16:10

I am going to nominate this thread for MN Classics; it's great fun.

I am another one who "voices" the dog. All of my dogs have had distinct voices and viewpoints. My last dog was an English Bulldog who had (not surprisingly) the voice of the Churchill Insurance dog ("Oh, yes, yes, yes...") and deemed anyone and anything he encountered as "frankly unacceptable".

New dog (all being well) is coming home with me from the Blue Cross on Sunday. He is a French Bulldog crossed with a Staffie so, like @RubiesandRose's little buddy, he may well have something of a continental accent...

Serenity45 · 17/02/2023 17:04

Me and DH both voice the dog (beautiful female red fox lab) though pretty sure I do it A LOT more "oooh dis treat is most acceptable!" "I think you'll find I'm not a brat" (she so is) "Who is dis knocking the door?" "I is da best girl in da whole world" etc etc

When DH is in the office for the day (both usually WFH) I always order myself an unhealthy takeaway lunch and hide the evidence. I also shout to an empty house "The food's here!" when it arrives so Uber man doesn't think I'm a greedy fucker.

I often go out with friends in my home city about 20 miles away and will sometimes stay over with them, or with one of my family. Occasionally I have booked into a hotel instead, just because I want to, except I'll tell DH I'm staying with a friend he doesn't know very well and tell friends I'm off to get the last train. I hope I never go missing, as it will really fuck up a police investigation and DH would think I was cheating on him (I'm absolutely not!).

No one in the world knows I'm on Mumsnet and would be shocked I think. DH knows I browse AIBU sometimes, but I'm a long time user and while not super active I do post.

Before I met DH I had a very intense online 'relationship' with someone much younger than me. We never met, but chatted every day and had the most amazing phone and online sex. He turned out to be a lovely genuine guy, while I had used a false name and fudged some details about myself. I was in a bad place as I wasn't long out of an abusive relationship. But what started off as fun and me changing some details to protect my anonymity spiralled and I know I hurt him immensely. I still feel really bad about it if I think about it for too long and hope he is happy.

WorryingTimes · 17/02/2023 17:08

GwenogJones · 16/02/2023 16:29

I've remembered something else I do which is weird - I like to plan out my Buffy The Vampire Slayer podcast which i will one day make with my DH (DH is currently as fictional as the podcast - but he is a big Buffy fan). Sometimes I record myself chatting about snippets of the episode on my phone (and then delete them right away).

The whole premise is looking at the original UK air dates and then looking up what was happening in the news and what was number one in the charts on the day it aired so it can be placed in context of what was going on in people's lives when they first sat down and watched it. There's also a section called "the shipping forecast" where we play the shipping forecast theme and then talk about pairings. I've done quite a lot of research for a podcast I will never make.

I sometimes pull all of my prettiest dresses that I never get to wear out of my wardrobe and try them on just because.

Show quote history

You have to record your podcast GewnogJones there are still tons of UK Buffy fans abut who would love to listen to that, me included.

Piecetocamera · 17/02/2023 18:06

@kateandme aww thank you
@Pssspsss lol. It’s also why I just play slots even though I have a degree and a level maths and physics 😂

Pomtiddly · 17/02/2023 18:32

DartholomewSpaceInvader · 16/02/2023 13:07

I have alter egos for doing things I don't want to do. One of them is a bearded Scandinavian adventurer called Sven Jurgen, who has a trusty sidekick (and cameraman) Pål. Sometimes I send Sven in to do a boring job like clean the toilet instead of me. He narrates the whole process to Pål and when he returns he presents his mission report to the Royal Society and gets hearty slaps on the back for his accomplishments as though he'd just come back from a year long expedition up the Amazon. He is lauded wherever he goes. 😆

This will out me to a couple of people if they happen to read it but, oh well!

Oh, fantastic! Grin
I may upgrade my David Attenborough commentaries on crappy jobs to sending in Sven 2.0

stepkidscopingstrategy · 17/02/2023 18:50

I love to eat with my mouth open. Chomping away. No etiquette involved whatsoever - I LOVE IT my food tastes better too 😂

CatnaryReturns · 17/02/2023 19:29

@WorryingTimes surely you have to do the podcast and your future DH will hear it and get in touch?!

CatnaryReturns · 17/02/2023 19:30

CatnaryReturns · 17/02/2023 19:29

@WorryingTimes surely you have to do the podcast and your future DH will hear it and get in touch?!

Sorry, that should have been to @GwenogJones !

DorisParchment · 17/02/2023 20:42

I listen to Christmas music all year round on 1.FM Always Christmas.

RadioactiveWear · 17/02/2023 20:45

When I listen to Pop Master I count my score for both contestants so I regularly convince myself I have scored 20+ points.

On my days off during the week, I listen to Popmaster. When we go out and are in the car for at least an hour, my DH puts on the podcasts of back to back Popmaster and I know all the answers. I skip a few so it’s not obvious. He’s not twigged yet, and gets miffed that I know more about music, which is his thing, than he does 😅

We also used to play scrabble on his iPad. There’s a button on the game that picks the best word available for your tiles. He couldn’t believe the words I was coming out with, and hated losing. It took him 6 months to twig it.

If I can’t sleep, I think of one of my exes who was a really nice guy (but I didn’t fancy him really as at the time I was into bad boys). I imagine him being madly in love with me, I don’t really fancy him, but am converted when I find out he’s got a massive one, and is FAB in bed. This has gone on for about 15 years in my head. I stalked him on Facebook once and he’s an overweight, balding 50-something and not the love fest residing in my head. It sends me off to sleep in minutes. 😜

DotAndCarryOne2 · 17/02/2023 20:45

stepkidscopingstrategy · 17/02/2023 18:50

I love to eat with my mouth open. Chomping away. No etiquette involved whatsoever - I LOVE IT my food tastes better too 😂

Did you know that there’s scientific evidence to the fact that your food tastes better if you eat with your mouth open ? I don’t pretend to understand it all but it’s got something to do with oxygen mingling with the saliva you produce in anticipation of your food.

Babyshadows · 17/02/2023 21:07

Peanutlicious · 17/02/2023 01:10

If I'm struggling with the kids and feeling like a shit mum I pretend I'm Supernanny. I walk out the room as me and then march confidently back into the room as her and somehow it helps me to take charge and set boundaries better. If the kids are still playing up I pretend (as Supernanny) to be talking to the camera about how these children are the most challenging she's ever met which makes me feel vindicated for struggling. For some reason pretending to be her suddenly makes me feel like a parenting authority rather than a tired, frazzled mum who is winging it.

I pretend I'm on a channel 4 parenting programme and do mu absolute best performance parenting and then I imagine that I'll discussed on Facebook comments after the show has aired 😆😆😆😆

Cuppasoupmonster · 17/02/2023 21:08

I listen to very boring radio shows/podcasts not because I’m at all interested in the content (although I sometimes am), but because I like the voice of the person talking and find it soothing.

Diddlediddlehey · 17/02/2023 21:30

I sometimes neigh and gallop into the kitchen for a cuppa if noone else is in. No idea why I get an overwhelming urge to act like a horse I'm a professional full time worker and mum of three children mid 30s I did always want to be a my little pony growing up😂

Dh and I have also named all our appliances in the house, they have "voices" and backstories. 😳

Hawkins003 · 17/02/2023 22:01

Diddlediddlehey · 17/02/2023 21:30

I sometimes neigh and gallop into the kitchen for a cuppa if noone else is in. No idea why I get an overwhelming urge to act like a horse I'm a professional full time worker and mum of three children mid 30s I did always want to be a my little pony growing up😂

Dh and I have also named all our appliances in the house, they have "voices" and backstories. 😳

Talkie the toaster that wants everyone to have toast, from red dwarf

MTIH · 17/02/2023 22:04

Because of my job, I have an alter-ego FB profile. Not even my family know.

Means I can post on local forums, challenge peoples thinking and explain their generalisations, especially politically and about government funding, without anyone knowing it is me!

MTIH · 17/02/2023 22:10

RadioactiveWear · 17/02/2023 20:45

When I listen to Pop Master I count my score for both contestants so I regularly convince myself I have scored 20+ points.

On my days off during the week, I listen to Popmaster. When we go out and are in the car for at least an hour, my DH puts on the podcasts of back to back Popmaster and I know all the answers. I skip a few so it’s not obvious. He’s not twigged yet, and gets miffed that I know more about music, which is his thing, than he does 😅

We also used to play scrabble on his iPad. There’s a button on the game that picks the best word available for your tiles. He couldn’t believe the words I was coming out with, and hated losing. It took him 6 months to twig it.

If I can’t sleep, I think of one of my exes who was a really nice guy (but I didn’t fancy him really as at the time I was into bad boys). I imagine him being madly in love with me, I don’t really fancy him, but am converted when I find out he’s got a massive one, and is FAB in bed. This has gone on for about 15 years in my head. I stalked him on Facebook once and he’s an overweight, balding 50-something and not the love fest residing in my head. It sends me off to sleep in minutes. 😜

I did similar with The Guardian crossword. I was in a new relationship and oblivious to the fact that new DP did the crossword every Saturday, but very rarely ( as in never!) completed it.

As he read out the clues for us to work on together, I was sat in a chair facing him and calmly, but secretively googled the answers....we finished the whole crossword correctly.

He was absolutely ECSTATIC. ( and thought I was a bit of a genius😆☺️) .....

Hawkins003 · 17/02/2023 22:11

MTIH · 17/02/2023 22:04

Because of my job, I have an alter-ego FB profile. Not even my family know.

Means I can post on local forums, challenge peoples thinking and explain their generalisations, especially politically and about government funding, without anyone knowing it is me!

With my facebook two main profiles are ghost ones so to speak, those that need to know it's me as for the rest, I'm unimportant so to speak

Nynynyny2018 · 17/02/2023 22:12

UnctuousUnicorns · 16/02/2023 22:41

I'm another FU behind DH's back when he pisses me off. 🙂

Me as well, makes me feel like a teenager but so satisfying 😀

MrsRinaDecker · 17/02/2023 22:16

Oh and sometimes, when I’m getting dressed, I’ll write a “what I’m wearing today” post for style and beauty in my head..