If you had a baby in your 40's (or your parents were 40's when they had you), how did it turn out?

[EggFriedRice78]

Tried for many years to conceive without luck, I honestly thought pregnancy wasn't possible for me but had my daughter 3 months ago. I am now 46. I realise its too late to worry about it now that she's here but I've been thinking that I'll be in my 60's when she's a teenager/taking GCSE's, wondering will she get bullied because I'm an older mum, will I be able to keep up with her interests etc as she gets older. So, if you had a baby in your 40's (and particularly if you're a few years further down the line than me) how has it panned out? Is there anything that you'd do differently? (That you have control over, I would have had my daughter 10 years ago if it had been up to me). Or if your parents were older when they had you, how has your experience been? I can't change what's happened, but wondering what others experience has been. Thanks

Slightly different but I adopted my dd when I was 46. She was two days old when she came to live with us. She's 15 now and I'm 61.
I do think I'm younger than my age in both looks and attitude but I'm not sure that matters if you have a good relationship I found there are quite lot of older parents around these days.
We do loads of things together. She competes in a sport that means frequent weekends away all over the country and while she's not competing we eat out, go shopping, and spend time in the hotel spa if there is one.
I may have been lucky but we really do love spending time together.
That's not to say she can't be a complete brat at time, and don't get me started on the state of her bedroom 😀
Congratulations op, enjoy your daughter.

I had my third child at 42 - she's only 9 months now, so too early to know how things will turn out. I've not had many health issues through pregnancy and childbirth, though I did have GD which was symptomless but needed extra monitoring. My second dc is at primary school and I don't feel particularly old compared to other parents - we're in London and DD goes to a prep, so the parent group is affluent and generally older than average.

I'm a bit envious of younger mums - having dc at a younger age wasn't an option for me, and I do feel sad that I won't be around in their older years or be able to be as active (e.g. to help with grandchildren). I am fit and active now and I don't think there will be many issues there throughout their childhood. But my DHs parents are in their 70s now though and certainly can't run after my dcs - my own parents are in their 60s and they can. So by leaving it so late I know I will miss out on certain experiences with my dcs when they are adults (well, big assumption that I will be OK health-wise throughout their childhood, but no signs of any issues right now).

Had two in my forties, no regrets and would have had more. I am lucky to be in good health, and we have a great relationship

My mum was 40 and my dad 43 when they had me, which was considered old when I was born - I was an unexpected as they thought they couldn't have children and adopted my older siblings.

I did realise they were a bit older than my friends parents when I was younger, but it wasn't a huge deal or anything, some of my friend's parent's were weird in their own way, and many were definitely much stricter than my parents, so a lot of times people would come hang out at my house. The only grandparent I had left alive didn't show much interest in us, so that was a bit sad. But mainly I never saw it as a negative really.

Now I'm 38 and dealing with my 81 year old dad with advanced dementia and having to put him in a nursing home, I also helped to care for him for the last few years. To be honest, as hard as it has been I'm glad I'm not in my late 50's or whatever dealing with this, I feel like I have more energy to cope with it now and in the future I can focus more on myself that still worrying about my ageing parents.

My mother knows a woman who while in her early 70s was still helping to care for her mother who was in her mid 90s. To me that would be awful - the woman had her own health issues, and still felt responsible for her mother at that age.

I have three children and I was 42, 43 and almost 46 when they were born.

I’ve LOVED being an older mum. It might be partly because I had a career I loved for 20 years (and will go back to), travelled a bit and seen some of the world, had many many nights out so I’m happy to give my all to being a mum now.

I’m now 50 with children aged 4, 6 and 7.

It was hard having two under eighteen months and then three under three and a half but it would be whatever your age.

I still run around the park, go down the slides at soft play and jump on the trampoline so I don’t feel old, unfit or past it 😊

I was asked the other day if I would recommend having children in your 40’s. Yes I would but, and it is a huge but, I would also say if you feel you’ve met the right person and all the other factors are in place eg jobs, housing etc then I do think your 30’s is the ideal time. The biggest challenge I have found to being a parent to very young children in your 40’s is having parents in their 70’s moving into 80’s at the same time.

My mum had me at 43. I always wish she’d had me younger as she wasn’t the type of mum that could chase me round the park and play games etc. She was tired. But that was 30 years ago and people stay younger now so who knows. My granparents in my mid 20s and luckily my mum and dad now are in their 70s and reasonably healthy.

Im 57 and DD is just 14. Its been hard work if im honest but thats prob because I have some chronic health issues and have been a single parent for 11 years.
I wouldnt change any of it though, she is the best thing to have happened in my life.

Congratulations OP.

I would not worry about age - plenty of people have kids later in life - for many reasons.

BIL was 57 when his first child was born / his wife is mid-30’s. We went to my nieces 3rd birthday last weekend and to be honest he didn’t really look out of place as a 60 yo with the other Dad’s - plenty would have been at least mid-40’s.

There's an awful lot of ageism on this thread. Replace older parents with same-sex parents or mixed-race parents and see how it sounds to say they might be embarrassing

It's not always an -ism to discuss the disadvantages certain demographics face, especially when the person starting the discussion is of that demographic.

If a prospective parent in a same sex couple came on and made a post saying they're worried about stigma they may face, and asking for experiences from people in the same situation, what exactly about people sharing their lived experience of any disadvantages they have faced would make that homophobic?

Ageism 🙄 some people really want to be victims don’t they? Let’s play a game and discuss older parenthood but in a way that doesn’t refer to age 🙄 what a load of BS!

I had my first at 41 and second at 43. They are now 18 and 15.
The youngest has a friend whose Grandmother is around my age, which is amusing, but I haven’t ever had a negative comments and nor have they.
I was tired out when I had a baby and toddler, I think I would have had more energy if I had been a mother in my twenties. However I am finding the teenage years the best so far actually, it feels really rewarding, the time with them is precious as it has all gone so fast and I know that all too soon my youngest will be off to university.
It is surprisingly great having teenagers, we have loads of fun together, we get on really well. I don’t feel my age is much to do with this, it is more their personalities and mine luckily work together. We listen to the same music, we all dance around the house, we watch the same tv series, we just happen to have a lot in common.
The sad things are that my parents aren’t here to see them, and that I will get less time with them than if I’d been lucky enough to have children earlier. This is balanced out by me being more experienced and relaxed. I am post menopausal now, it would probably be harder if I was hitting the menopause at this point, as many women do who have babies in their early thirties.
I think there are pros and cons whatever age you have them . In an ideal world I would have preferred to have had them at least a decade earlier but I got married late, so I feel lucky to have them at all.

@Cuppasoupmonster There are a lot of people on MN who want to pretend age does not matter and has zero impact.

This assertion that age, health and all the rest of it doesn’t affect your ability to parent is an absolute nonsense, and I say this as a disabled pregnant woman. Young mums are always fair game to be bashed on here however…

I had my daughters at 40 and 43. They are 16 plus. Most of my friends were 10 years plus younger and I would say I was still youthful.

On the other hand my mother was 23 when she had me. She was very influenced by her older unmarried relatives, and prudish and I called her 'Austerity A' she was very victorian and was controlling. She was able to look after my children, but has now got dementia.

Any parent can be unpleasant or incapacitated at any age, I am so pleased I had my children at the age I did!

My df was 43 when I was born and died when I was 13, my ds's df was 42 and he died when ds was 10, so that's always a consideration. However I have never been sandwiched as all ds's grandparents had died by the time he was 2 and as I get older and see friends looking out for their parents it is a bittersweet advantage

On the opposite end my mum was 19 when she had me, and when I was a teen she was often described as glamourour or glam by my friends and teachers and I was mortified by it. We still talk about it now because I really didn’t like it.
There’s no danger of anyone calling me glam 😂 and I agree that it depends where you live, I was 26 when I had my eldest and where I live that’s young. Most of my son’s friends parents are older than me, but we are friends regardless. He’s 14, I also have a 5 year old and I’m pregnant. So I’ll have been on both ends of the spectrum 😂