If you had a baby in your 40's (or your parents were 40's when they had you), how did it turn out?

[EggFriedRice78]

Tried for many years to conceive without luck, I honestly thought pregnancy wasn't possible for me but had my daughter 3 months ago. I am now 46. I realise its too late to worry about it now that she's here but I've been thinking that I'll be in my 60's when she's a teenager/taking GCSE's, wondering will she get bullied because I'm an older mum, will I be able to keep up with her interests etc as she gets older. So, if you had a baby in your 40's (and particularly if you're a few years further down the line than me) how has it panned out? Is there anything that you'd do differently? (That you have control over, I would have had my daughter 10 years ago if it had been up to me). Or if your parents were older when they had you, how has your experience been? I can't change what's happened, but wondering what others experience has been. Thanks

Just to offer a different perspective, my dad was 30 when I was born and then killed in a car accident 3 years later. Having children when you are “young” does not guarantee you will be in their lives longer than an older parent would be so don’t let anyone feel guilty for potentially leaving them without a parent at a young age.

I had dc in my teen's, 20's, 30's and the last one at 43.2!! Ds is now 8. Def no regrets at all.

My dad was 50 when I was born. He seemed ancient to me but was endlessly patient and kind. He was often mistaken for my grandfather and a couple of kids at primary school tried to take the piss but fortunately I had perfected a steely stare even then 😂 He died young (60s) so I didn't have him for long. Then again, illness can strike at any age and I have lost some v young adult relatives.

I definitely think it is more common now and many of the parents of my kids' friends had them in their 40s (no this doesn't mainly happen in London as suggested by a pp! Weird comment).

My parents were mid forties when I was born, in the 70s so less common than now.

There are things about it I don't/didn't like, but I think most of those are actually to do with being the youngest of a big family, with an 11 year gap between me and the others, and as your lovely DD is your first that's less of an issue. I did get stick at school for having older parents but I think that's less likely now. Lots of people thought they were my grandparents and that my eldest sister was my mum.

Both my parents kept very fit and healthy but ultimately Parkinson's and Alzheimer's didn't care about that.

It probably the case that they weren't very 'in touch' with what I was interested in growing up, but actually I think that was just them, not their age, and they weren't very in touch with the others either.

When their health was failing I was wrangling two young children with disabilities and wasn't able to help my siblings with care. I still feel bad about that.

But it wouldn't have been you 😕

Mum at 42 ). Live in London and for primary almost no mums of the ideal mumsnet age (29-35) as mums either old end or young end and yet the kids all seemed fine !
life has no guarantees about how long you live or how you parent.
Any parent who is different from the standard May get questioned but that is others peoples problem (fortunately we now seem less rude to single parents where this used to be the case
women have been having children in their 40s for millennia and it has been fine
congratulations. Hope all goes well (and whatever happens with parenting it tends to be random whatever age you are).

My experience is that the difference didn’t show up that much when they were kids. But it showed up, when they were in their (late) 20s.

The ones with older parents had to deal with stuff I’m dealing with now that I’m my 50s. Amongst my friends/family with older parents, some had to deal with a parent dying (they were about 65yo), ill health, needing to give support for their elderly parents, looking at care homes etc….

the thing is, a long life is never guaranteed.. was reading an article today about a young mother of three (she was only about 26/27) passed away suddenly. So sad..

As long as you can provide a loving home surrounded with friends and family who care about a child, and a plan in place should anything happen then I don't think you need to worry. Stay fit and as active as you can and you'll be doing the right thing 😊

This was my experience.

It placed a huge burden on me when I was still a young adult so I didn't get the kind of carefree lifestyle my friends had.

Dealing with parents' hospital stays and nursing homes at that age is hard.

I got married in my mid 30s and neither of my parents lived to see it. Even during the wedding planning, the constant questions and assumptions from people were tough.

The generation gap was enormous too.

At least it's more common now so won't feel as lonely for the kids of today.

Had mine at 41. DH was 40. She's now 8. All fine so far. We are both engaged, take her swimming, cycling, play with her and all the normal parent things. We are also not the only parents our age in the playground, there are a few of us. (Not in London). She is not as yet embarrassed of us. I do regret not doing it about 5 years earlier as I too have found parenting more fulfilling than I thought I would. Obviously I can't regret it really because I'd have missed out on the child I have who is fabulous. I'd have liked to have another but she didn't sleep through the night until she was 6 so by the time we could face it we were (I felt) too old. I was really ready by the time I had her and don't in the slightest feel I've missed out on nights out etc, unlike some of the younger mothers who seem to miss that kind of thing more. I did a lot of that when younger so have been quite happy to lean in to the parenting phase of life in my 40s. Also she has more grandparents alive than I ever did and my parents were in their mid 20s when they had me.

Had my son at 44. DH is ten years older. We’ve been working hard to stay fit & both have youthful outlooks. But sometimes we’re knackered... My parents had me young, so are a great help at minding DS. In-laws are much older, so don’t see him really. We’re a great little family now, but I don’t know how DS will feel about us when he’s older!

My parents were brilliant. My mum always said she felt she'd done everything she wanted with her life and was very content being My mum. They gave me everything. We had a beautiful home. I learned a lot from them. Many people thought my dad was my grandad. I did worry about losing them when I realised they were older parents. But they were the best ever.

I've got a friend (now aged 55) whose mum was 46 when she had him. He was quite a surprise to her! Sadly she died 12 years ago but he was very close to her, though he did spend a lot of time in her last 10 years looking after her (though she did live independently).

I had my youngest child (now 4) at 42. I don't think that was too old, but I wouldn't want another one now. I'm becoming increasingly interested in focusing actively on staying healthy, so that I can be energetic with her as she grows up and I get older.

Men become fathers in their 40s, 50s and beyond and no one bats an eyelid.

Can't say I notice the age of parents usually, unless you look pretty wrecked at mid 40s it wouldn't look old to me.

My mum was 42 when I was born. 13 year gap between me and the next closest sibling. It was nice because I often had my mom to myself but she died young (63) so that was awful.

My mum was 26 when I was born. My dad was 40.
His patience was not great. Erring on the side of draconian.

I never really had much of a relationship with him.

Sorry... not what you wanted to hear .

Think things are different now as it's more common to have older parents. Just be aware and keep up with modern stuff.

My parents were 40 (mum) and 42 when they had me. It was fine apart from the teasing at school. My dad was very active with us but he had a heart attack when I was about 10 and developed diabetes which all contributed to bad health. He lived to be 81 though. The only negative side was DD was only 7 when he died and he adored her and her him. I would have liked for them to have had more time.

I had my two very late 30’s. One or three mums at Primary School looked similar ages to me and one older but most were yummy mummies (and I sometimes felt a bit out of it and a little old and excluded) even though I am young at heart and looked younger than my actual age.
Also DH and I have both had serious health issues which we had to discuss with the kids which wasn’t nice and we may not have had these when the kids were still young if we had had them earlier. Both our DC are late teens now and doing well so it didn’t do them any harm. I let my hair go grey during lockdown so I really look my age even more now.

On the plus side you will have passed Menopause when your DC is going through the teen phase which will be a blessing as Peri Menopause and Menopause with a teen in the mix is awful.
Enjoy your daughter you may be more tired but you will have more to give her in other ways.

I had my 2nd DS at 45, DH was 48. The first few years were really hard as I went straight into menopause after having him. However, as time has gone on its got easier and I think we are generally more laid back than our DC's friend's younger parents.

I hope our DC will appreciate the life we've been able to give them - we both work part-time from home so we can spend lots of time with them, and are financially stable. My DH is very fit and I'm pretty young for 53 so we don't "feel" like older parents. Our own parents are all still alive and kicking too.

I've heard all the negatives about older parents, but there are so many positives too, and every set of 40+ parents is different to the next. Congratulations!

This is not a popular view. But I was the child of parents in their 40s in the eighties and I would not recommend it. They were knackered, there was a big generation gap, and I was very conscious of their age and worried a lot about them dying. I was not close to them emotionally and still am not. These days I think people in their 40s are mentally younger, which does help.

I'm nearly 40 myself now and they're still with us, independent and in good health. And of course I loved them. And if someone has not been able to have DCs until their forties, then of course it's absurd to suggest they don't do it at all. But even without the challenges of getting pregnant over, I would never recommend willingly delaying childbearing to that age, for men or women.

There's an awful lot of ageism on this thread. Replace older parents with same-sex parents or mixed-race parents and see how it sounds to say they might be embarrassing.

I've had three children,one in my 20s one in my 30s and one in my 40s.
All pregnancies were fine and all deliveries were fine.
It's more tiresome in your 40s but not too bad

It’s really not that unusual now. I’d say a third of children in my DC’s classes were born to mums over 40. I’m 51, with a five and six year old, and much to my surprise, I’m not the oldest mum in the playground!

If I could have chosen how things worked out, I’d have become a mum in my 30s, but life doesn’t always work out how you imagine it will. The plus side is that I think I’m probably more chilled as an older mum than I’d have been two decades ago, plus we are in a more secure financial situation so I can work part time.

Really interested to see the peer reviewed evidence that older parents are more likely to have autistic children!

There's an awful lot of ageism on this thread. Replace older parents with same-sex parents or mixed-race parents and see how it sounds to say they might be embarrassing.

To be fair, the OP asked to hear how people felt about being the child of older parents, and those who had a less-than-great experience should be able to be honest about it. Most have conceded that it matters less these days, because the average age for child-bearing is much higher now, people live longer and keep and younger mindset.