Thread 5 - TalkExiles: "The Planet Goes On Being Round"

[Kucinghitam]

Continuation of previous lifeboat threads (thread 4).

Gather here all ye refugees from the JTT Flat Earth Society, welcome to the reassuringly oblate spheroid of MN! Ye all already know the answers to the questions "How the heck do I format my post?" "Why can't I edit my typos?" "What do those acronyms mean?" and most importantly, "Where is everybody that I used to know?"

So really we're all here just to chat randomly.

Happy birthday for what is now today, @duc748

I was referred to the hospital last week and got an appointment today for Monday which was pretty damn quick! I was told it would be a two-week referral but I'm grateful that it's happening even more quickly than that. The NHS is down but it's not out yet.

Not sure what this is or if it’s okay to post?

but no. I just found that out because of your post.

I love Tim Vine. One of my favourite scenes

m.youtube.com/watch?v=9JXJXA8Zmno

Thanks for all the good wishes folks, I've just packed my son off to bed after spanking him at pool! I'm listening to Yellow Moon by the Neville Brothers, which I told him was the only album I ever bought in the 80s, although I think he still doesn't believe me!

Happy birthday, duc.

Tim Vine: “I’ve spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house. I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui.”

Happy birthday @duc748! 🍺 🥕 (why is there no parsnip emoji?)

Happy Birthday @duc748 , have a celebratory parsnip stout.

@Britinme if you son can garden and do building work successfully I wonder if you can help him see life admin as a series of regular, scheduled, repetitive tasks that he can systematise - like you would be gardening or building jobs?

Perhaps the fact he need to be his own task manager at hime ia the issue?

I sympathise it must be hard trying to help him from a distance.

I have very good executive function but thinking about it that is exactly how i approach life admin - breaking down the tasks and making it in to a system and a routine.

I suppose being neuro-typical I just do this automatically in my head.

It is one of the enduring clashes I have with Mr Monkey as he tends to live in barely restrained chaos. For exampme he sees no issue with storing a coat on a dining chair rather than on a hanger in the hall cupboard - built specifically to contain our outdoor coats.

I have quite poor executive function and probably meet the criteria for ADD, but I think mine might be the legacy of a chaotic childhood and adult fatigue rather than neurodivergence. I mostly manage to get important things done but little else beyond that. Nothing really has a rightful place. Every day I tell myself today is the day I will get things organised, but it never happens and then I feel bad. I struggle a lot with things like time. If I need to be a certain place at a certain time, I find it very difficult to meaningfully work out how much time I’ll need to get ready and how long the travelling will take and leave it all to the last minute despite best intentions. I’m rarely late but end up rushing to 99.9% of things.

For the last five years or so I’ve religiously written everything into my phone’s calendar and set up alerts so I don’t miss anything. It helps a lot.

My friend is the polar opposite. Very fixed routines, meals at the same time each day. Early for everything. Deadlines met well in advance. Specific days for chores, laundry etc. Couldn’t possibly begin to manage that.

Cyan are we actually married, are you my wife?

I had an extremely chaotic childhood, leading to state care and homelessness at 16. At no point did I have any adult mentoring me in the ways of executive function and is is that deficit in life skills that has probably hampered me most through adult life. People who "get things done" are an alien species to me. It's definitely something that needs to be input into kids at a formative age. Then when you factor in some people are neurodiverse, and just don't have the processing capability to do it, even with coaching and guidance.

Arf, you got me!

@Dotellhimpike similar for me, chaotic home environment and then state ‘care’, i.e. left to your own devices with no encouragement or mentorship. Out on my own at 16 (but not homeless thank goodness, that must’ve been very tough). And yes, it feels so alien. Also missed most of my secondary education which is why I’m doing a degree in my 30s. It’s all hampered me enormously and I do find it very difficult some days.

Oh god, neither could I! Well I could, but wouldn't want to.

The nearest we get to that is Saturday morning is usually the time we do a big clean of the flat and we mostly do the big food shop at the weekend. That is a routine impsoed on me by having a full time job though.

jokes aside, that must be very difficult. I am generally a good 'get things done-er' but I have my own hangups and blind spots. I have lost out on and been fined $$$$$ because of some kind of primal fear related to managing my tax affairs. I'm managing (just about) this year, got my SA done on Feb 01 (might cost me 100 for 24 hour Fear Blip).

That post was in response to Cyan's post about her friend's routine.

Firmative experiences are interesting. I grew up in a fairly chaotic but lovong household. We were clean, fed and looked after but my parents were farmers on a low income so meal times were arbitary, we were always the kids picked up last from school (or sometimes forgotten), the house was barely restrained chaos with the downstairs often operating as a farm office cum sickly animal centre, family life and organisation was sub ordinate to the needs of the farm - many a childhood Christmas was cancelled due to some weather related emergency.

This all rubbed along ok and my mum did a heroic job of making sure things ran ok in spite of the challenges.

Then she died suddenly when my brother was 13 and I was 16. My dad just about manged to keep the farm together so it fell to me to manage everything else by default. It was a very steep learning curve.

To this day I have no idea why my response was to be a planner and an organiser - luck? Instinctive response? Self preservation? I know I had enough of a self preservation instinct to ensure I went away to university two years later to ensure this did not become my life.

Sorry for your loss @Ginmonkeyagain, that must have been so difficult for you.

@Ginmonkeyagain - yes that is the problem. He works well when he has someone to tell him what to do and when. Not so good on his own. For example, he mostly ignores letters and doesn't always check emails (current phone is a £10 burner and currently has no wifi at home for not paying the bill). When he drove his old car into a ULEZ area and got a letter telling him he had a £30 fine, he ignored and didn't open the subsequent letters and didn't pay the fine and continued to drive his car once a week to a restaurant he liked. He ended up with a £3000 fine which he tried to make arrangements for because I refused to pay it for him, only something went wrong and I think he currently has bailiffs knocking which he ignores because he's usually at work when they knock (and has almost nothing they could take that's worth anything anyway.

The instilling a routine thing is what I am hoping to do, and why I am staying with him for a month. I'm in the process of buying a blow-up bed from Argos so neither he nor I end up on his couch, which is old and saggy.

Gosh @Britinme that all sounds very tough. I do hope you are able to work something out for your son.

Thanks @Kucinghitam and others. Meanwhile something weird is happening on our road. Five police cars, an ambulance and a fire truck are out there, but we heard no sirens. One person was taken out of the back of a police car and put in the ambulance (but we couldn't tell who it was) and all have now driven away. An eye will be kept on the local paper unless one of the neighbours knows more than we do. Blurry photo because of insect screens on the window.

I know it's not the point of the photo but I love your street. Fargo vibes.

Fargo vibes.

Ooh, you're right!

Snowy as f... Fargo out there too currently, though not actively snowing.

A lot of chaotic childhoods here but I'd never really thought about how that made being organized and able to be on top of things that lots of people find easy so hard for me. I shall attempt to stop beating myself up.

Happy birthday @duc748

Thanks for all your good wishes folks, I have had a lovely day today, and tonight went to play snooker with my son which is about the most 'Dad' thing in the world. For the first in about 15-20 years. I am a decent pool player, but snooker tables are massive, it is so hard!