If someone abandoned a baby on your doorstep, would you be tempted to keep it?

[acassadei]

Inspired by the Dumbledore thread over in AIBU. Someone mentioned that (imaginary) Harry Potter was abandoned on a (imaginary) doorstep in November, and I felt a little stab of pure sadness and baby hunger. Should mention that DC1 is 6mo and I am VERY flooded with baby hormones at the moment.

anyway I know if someone abandons a baby in my doorstep legally I’d have to call the police and give it to social services, but I’d WANT to just keep it. And ethically, is there not some justification for that? Baby could just slot right into the family. Surely that’s less traumatic than going through the care system? You’d have to forge a birth certificate I suppose. But then you could just move right on with giving the baby a lovely life. No fuss, no mess, no drama, no tragedy. Would anyone else be tempted or is it just me? 😂

In a fairytale world (where there are no legal issues or traumatised mums) I would love to keep a baby I found on the doorstep. In the fairytale world they also sleep through the night

What about if the baby came in a basket with a note from the mother say they wanted you to look after the baby. Would you be allowed to keep the baby then?

Not a chance. Unless the alternative was to hand it to someone dangerous or evil.

No.

Noooooooooo🤣

@minorproblem

no

Don't know but I'd like to think that I would, rather than them going into the care system.
My great Nan had two babies left on her doorstep. Waterloo, London. 1940s.Three years between them. Both boys. She brought them up as her own with her other children and my mum always considered them to be her great uncles, same as the other siblings. Mum is still in touch with their children/grandchildren/great grand children. Everyone knew they were doorstop babies - seems weird now.
My mum and my late Nan believe that they were birth brothers.
Very sad, but my great Nan and great grandad gave them both a good life.
They could never go abroad as had no birth certificates so no passports, but both had happy lives, thankfully.
Life before contraception, and women in poverty. Very very sad.

Oh yes, I’d be so tempted- it would be so hard not to bond with the poor little thing.

I remember reading Dustbin Baby by Jaqueline Wilson when I was a kid and being absolutely heartbroken by it

Just to reassure you, there are prospective adoptive families who are approved and waiting today to adopt a baby. The only delay would be caused by the legal system , as of course every effort would be made to trace the baby’s mother.

However sadly that’s hardly ever successful . As far as I know, no baby who has been left like this in the Uk has ever had their parent / s traced. It’s very sad for the child as they grow up with no information at all about their biological family and the circumstances surrounding their birth.

These babies are called foundlings. The journalist and broadcaster Kate Adie wrote a very moving book about them in 2005.

Realistically, it would mean that there was some poor woman or girl out there who was living a nightmare and might need all kinds of help. So I'd have to report it and do right by the baby and its mum rather than fake a birth certificate etc etc etc.
But, in a fantasy world where these were not considerations, then yes I would wholeheartedly take in a baby if it were left on my doorstep. All the baby clothes are waiting in the loft. I might not have another viable pregnancy and we'd all love a baby in the house.

A newborn… I’d keep it for a few weeks of blissful snuggles, sniffing its head and such. Hand it back at the four-month regression or the messy weaning stage. An older baby with snot and yoghurt in its hair, probably not. Never did understand why Burglar Bill didn’t put the box straight back.

Out of curiosity, how many checks are there when you go to register a birth? I remember just rocking up to the registrars and pretty much going “I’ve had a baby, this is what we want to call it”, but presumably there’s some kind of checking between the hospital and the registry office?

Absolutely not

So true.

When DD and I were at the hospital for an appointment the other day there was a couple there with an week old baby. They were foster carers. It made me feel sad. He was such a lovely little thing.

Definitely don't think I could go through the baby stage again though.

Eight week old baby.

@riotlady hmm that’s a good question. I can’t remember. I think we had to bring his discharge summary from the hospital? But they didn’t look at it very hard. Bet it’d be easy to forge, it’s not special paper or anything. 🤔

Do foundlings still happen now that we have contraception and abortion?
My great Nan brought those boys up. They never heard a word from their birth parents. Their great grandchildren are my family.

If I could get away with it legally I would! I have unsuccessfully been TTC #2 for 2 years though

No no no no!

I'd love to be a foster carer so like to think I would take on the baby of a friend or family member that needed me to, without question. However I would struggle with the finances and practicalities at the moment (my DC are out of the baby stage but not old enough not to still need me a lot and I'm a single parent just making ends meet). I think in 10 years time I'd be a brilliant foster parent, if I've still got the energy at 55!

@ELOISE Babies mothers are sometimes found. Case last year in Birmingham.

news.sky.com/story/birmingham-mother-of-baby-abandoned-in-park-found-after-search-lasting-eight-months-12495320

Unfortunately about 50 babies a year are still abandoned in Britain.

Sorry haven't RTFT, but isn't it slightly relevant that the deposited baby is an estranged family member?

I mean, some random stranger's baby, straight to police; baby that a wizard (whose school I asked to go to, after my sister got in) says is my sister's? Then I try to call her and she doesn't answer, and I think 'Fuck, looks like Lily's really gone,' OBVIOUSLY I'd keep that baby?!

Would I keep it in a cupboard under the stairs? No.
Mistakes were made.

Or kittens :)