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Original poster

Who is right? Me or him?

155 replies

Rachell1 · 02/02/2023 19:35

I’m 8 months pregnant.. heavy and tired (also have 2 year old who does not attend nursery).

If I do say so myself, I keep the house near spotless (considering toddler is running everywhere!!) and cook lovely fresh meals 6/7 days a week (rarely get a takeaway).

I seem to have seriously pissed off my partner tonight though… admittedly tonight’s meal was random (pizza, chicken wings in nandos sauce with leftover rice and salad). He works desperately long hours (6am - 9pm most nights) and doing a very physical job. He also does about 3/4 hours of driving for the commute every day.

His argument is that he does all this, 6 days a week, pays all the bills and stocks up the freezer with nice butcher meats etc, all to come home to chicken wings and a cheap pizza. It wasn’t quiteeee that bad.. but yes I do understand his point.

However, I can’t help but feel upset that he has shouted at me down the phone and made me feel so shitty for having a slack day. He thinks my 2 year old will sit and play happily by himself whilst I make that one meal which I’m responsible for each day, but that is not the case!

Please be honest here… who is in the right?

OP posts:
RenoDakota · 02/02/2023 20:33

Twawmyarse2 · 02/02/2023 20:15

Have you ever seen Shirley Valentine OP?

I suggest you watch it!

Yes!!

HighlandCowbag · 02/02/2023 20:38

SeaToSki · 02/02/2023 19:59

He might be working long days, but you are working 24/7 for 9 months straight. When his body is sleeping and recuperating for a new day, your body is still working keeping a baby alive, and then you get up and have to deal with a toddler all day as well.

He gets to be a bit sad as maybe its not the dinner he was hoping for…but the correct response would be..”it sounds like you have had a hard day, would you like a foot rub, can I make you a cup of tea while I clean up the kitchen”

Fucking foot rub and a brew while.she cleans the kitchen? Is it the 1950s?

Ima90sbaby · 02/02/2023 20:42

HighlandCowbag · 02/02/2023 20:38

Fucking foot rub and a brew while.she cleans the kitchen? Is it the 1950s?

Show quote history

I think you had read this post wrong... I'm pretty sure the poster meant that the foot rub response should be from her DP.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2 year olds 3rd trimester Families General food
HighlandCowbag · 02/02/2023 20:44

Ahh I did read it wrong, sorry @SeaToSki

ApocalypseNowt · 02/02/2023 20:50

What an absolute weapon.

DH was lucky to get a crisp butty of me when I was 8 months pg with a toddler.

I used to moan (jokingly) that I was busy growing ACTUAL HUMAN EYEBALLS so I couldn't possibly do much of anything Grin

CinnamonSodaPop · 02/02/2023 20:50

I can't believe that anyone is suggesting that it is ever ok for a husband to shout because he doesn't like the dinner cooked for him. Ever. In any circumstances. Even if you were being super lazy, which you obviously are not, shouting about dinner is not ok. Never in a million years would my husband do this, nor would I ever tolerate it.

GhostsJulianforPrimeMinister · 02/02/2023 20:51

I think on day 7 he needs to strap weight to his belly and look after the toddler while you have a day out.
When you get back enjoy the nice meal he makes you from scratch and ask him how well the 2 year old sat and played.

emptythelitterbox · 02/02/2023 20:54

GhostsJulianforPrimeMinister · 02/02/2023 20:51

I think on day 7 he needs to strap weight to his belly and look after the toddler while you have a day out.
When you get back enjoy the nice meal he makes you from scratch and ask him how well the 2 year old sat and played.

This. Strap it so it sits on his bladder the entire time.

Bluebell2020 · 02/02/2023 21:01

I'm 9 months pregnant with a 2 year old.... if my husband came home and complained about the food that was put in front of him I would pick it straight back up, put it in the bin and tell him to sort his own food out. Sounds like an ungrateful, arrogant man to me. Long working hours isn't a good enough excuse. My husband runs a business and works long hours every day but he wouldn't ever treat me like that.

Dotcheck · 02/02/2023 21:03

What happens on his day off?

The ONLY response to a meal that has been cooked for you is ‘ mmm, delicious, thank you!’

Delectable · 02/02/2023 21:05

He can stop at a Papa John's or KFC for pizza or chicken and probably eats that all day.

Working such long hours diminishes his quality of life and life expectancy so if he can eat more healthy home cooked meals that helps his children and wife have a healthy father and husband for longer.

I won't be surprised he'll be grumpy if after working long hours he spends the evening preparing his meal having worked laboriously for the whole family.

He shouldn't have shouted down at you, no one should shout at another human.

On Mumsnet you'll find many who will say he should come home and cook for you both.

Perhaps he should work 9 - 5 and you do same. It'll be perfectly equal for those who aspire to perfect equality in team work.

Idontknownemore · 02/02/2023 21:06

He’s in the wrong.

You’re growing your baby and caring for your 2 year old, you can’t get more physically and mentally demanding than that! And that’s 24/7 not 6am-9pm.

Why couldn’t he get you your favourite takeaway/treats on the way home to treat you if you wanted a chill day? Why didn’t he think you deserved that? You making a full meal (no matter how good the meat is in the freezer) is still you having to cook. When do you get the night off?

Im sorry you have to put up with this, you’re a human being, not a slave.

idonotmind · 02/02/2023 21:07

So tell him that once the baby is old enough you'll be back at work (then it really will be Nandos and leftovers for dinner)

He needs to appreciate a hot meal, whatever it may be

Perfect28 · 02/02/2023 21:10

This is so clear cut. I can't believe you're getting ambiguous answers. He's a dickhead.

gamerchick · 02/02/2023 21:11

He's an entitled fucker who thinks you're staff. Always on your game to serve his arse. What's he going to be like when you have a newborn? There's no way I'd put up with being spoken too like that, I don't give a toss how many hours he works.

Bet he couldn't do what you do. Don't have any more kids with him.

jannier · 02/02/2023 21:12

IncompleteSenten · 02/02/2023 19:53

You have a toddler
you're heavily pregnant.
You normally present him with a decent home cooked meal.

And just once you do something quick and easy because you're 8 months pregnant and he shouts at you?

Seriously. He should be ashamed of himself. It wouldn't matter if he worked 16 hour days down t'pit.

Your very very pregnant wife puts a dinner in front of you - you say "thanks love. How are you feeling?"

This......how's he going to be if you're on bed rest or can't lift etc. If your toddler is vomiting while baby needs care is he going to start throwing his toys out of the pram because he's had a hard day? Has he ever looked after his child a full day done all the housework and cooked a dinner let alone when a 10lb plus weight is pushing on your bladder and giving you a back ache and all the rest of the crap pregnancy causes.
Grow up man

SuperHandss · 02/02/2023 21:14

He did say to me ‘I don’t understand how hard it can be to make a meal whilst he sits and plays’. Sits and plays….. That. Never. Happens. !!!

Let him try that at the weekend. You go and have a bath, he does it all.

There is no excuse for him shouting at you about dinner.

K37529 · 02/02/2023 21:15

He sounds abusive, shouting at you because the meal you made him isn't in his opinion good enough is not ok. Who shouts at a pregnant woman? Wtf is wrong with him, if my partner did that hed be cooking his own meals

jannier · 02/02/2023 21:16

Tamarindtree · 02/02/2023 20:13

The food after a long working day may not have appealed to him and I don’t know why you prepared that for his meal when you had better/nicer food to hand but shouting at you down the food is spoilt behaviour and unkind.

He’s an adult and could have shown his disappointment by speaking to you in a respectful manner.

I guess the long working days are taking a toll on him so maybe he should rethink his job or get a place to stay nearer his work during the week and come home weekends. Then he will have to cook his own food each evening!

Seriously you don't understand the exhaustion that says throw something in and sit down rather than slave over dinner for an hour let alone the oh f..k I forgot to get food out as Tommy distracted me with his pooh.....

quietnightmare · 02/02/2023 21:18

Bit of perspective for you.... my husband works silly hours and no matter what I have made for tea he always says it's lovely even when I've cooked diced beef so much it was black and like eating charcoal he only stopped eating it when I said how disgusting it was and shall I run to the chop shop and guess what he went to get the chips because I've been run off my feet with the kids all day as always

jannier · 02/02/2023 21:18

Delectable · 02/02/2023 21:05

He can stop at a Papa John's or KFC for pizza or chicken and probably eats that all day.

Working such long hours diminishes his quality of life and life expectancy so if he can eat more healthy home cooked meals that helps his children and wife have a healthy father and husband for longer.

I won't be surprised he'll be grumpy if after working long hours he spends the evening preparing his meal having worked laboriously for the whole family.

He shouldn't have shouted down at you, no one should shout at another human.

On Mumsnet you'll find many who will say he should come home and cook for you both.

Perhaps he should work 9 - 5 and you do same. It'll be perfectly equal for those who aspire to perfect equality in team work.

Are you from that weird man is master cult?

jannier · 02/02/2023 21:18

K37529 · 02/02/2023 21:15

He sounds abusive, shouting at you because the meal you made him isn't in his opinion good enough is not ok. Who shouts at a pregnant woman? Wtf is wrong with him, if my partner did that hed be cooking his own meals

Yes one step away from throwing it or worse

sunseaandme · 02/02/2023 21:19

He can go sit in the shed with the other tools

PlatesofMeatFeet · 02/02/2023 21:21

A friend has young children.

Her husband said he's lucky to even get an adult's meal anymore. He usually has chicken nuggets and chips.

He laughs about it.

Let your husband cook his own tomorrow! You're not a bloody Stepford wife. You're eight months pregnant!!!

IncompleteSenten · 02/02/2023 21:26

"He did say to me ‘I don’t understand how hard it can be to make a meal whilst he sits and plays’."

That tells me that he has never actually tried doing that.

If it's so very easy then he should have no showing you how it's done, right?

A weekend alone with his toddler with a sack of spuds tied round his stomach should do the job.