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Original poster

Toddler cancer diagnosis “every parent has something to worry about”

143 replies

Calmondeck · 29/01/2023 11:39

I’m currently in denial about a cancer diagnosis my 20-month-old received yesterday. He will undergo a general anaesthesia 7am Monday morning for a full examination of the extent of the tumour.

IRL, I have only told my best friend who responded with “well I’ve looked up the cancer and it seems there is a very high survival rate. So this will just be like all of the other things all of the parents we know are dealing we. We have (insert her baby’s name) respiratory issues, (friend’s baby) has hip dysplasia, (another friend’s baby) has food allergies. You’re not alone, we’re all coping with something”.

I won’t know until tomorrow how bad the cancer is, or what the treatment is going to look like… but her reaction made me wonder… does having a child with cancer really feel like that? Like just another childhood medical issue? At this stage I feel numb and like our universe is about to be flipped on its head.

Does anyone have experience with infant cancer?

OP posts:
bluesky45 · 29/01/2023 11:43

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this and sending you so much love.
That sounds like a very strange reaction from your friend. A cancer diagnosis, even if it is treatable or has high survival rates, is nothing like most other medical issues surely?! Honestly,I would feel like my world was coming tumbling down with a cancer diagnosis for my DC.
The other issues your friend mentioned seem small in comparison. Yes, most parents have something to worry about with their child but there are different degrees to which it will affect your child and therefore different degrees to which you will worry about it.

BoringLittleMe · 29/01/2023 11:44

I don't, but I think your "best friend" is being horribly insensitive and I'd be rethinking my relationship with her.

BoringLittleMe · 29/01/2023 11:44

Oh, and I'm sorry to hear about your child's diagnosis and I'm wishing you all the best for recovery x

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Children's health General health
20viona · 29/01/2023 11:45

I think your friend was probably shocked too and was trying to put a positive spin on it.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

PeekAtYou · 29/01/2023 11:46

Fucking hell- your friend is an absolute dick. I would be rethinking that so-called friendship.

I am really sorry that you are going through this. I hope that you get the answers that you want to know and things go well for your child. 💐

Bemyclementine · 29/01/2023 11:47

Your friend is a thoughtless idiot. Sometimes people minimise things in an attempt to "be positive" or normalise what you're going through. Alergues/hip dysplasia are not the same !! I'm sorry you and your baby are going though this.

highdrylowerwetter · 29/01/2023 11:48

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope tomorrow goes smoothly.

She sounds awful and utterly insensitive

DeoForty · 29/01/2023 11:48

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she might be trying to make this initial diagnosis more copeable with, for her, for you. I don't think many people would view it as she has explained, but maybe she's trying to make it 'ok' in this moment.

I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can do.

R0ckets · 29/01/2023 11:49

Gosh who needs enemies when you have such a callous 'best' friend.

A cancer diagnosis no matter how survivable is nothing like the other issues your friends are dealing with.

It's not a race to the bottom what wsd wrong with her just saying oh my gosh that's awful let me know if you need anything and remember I'm here if you need to talk?

Puppers · 29/01/2023 11:49

So sorry your family is going through this. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I have everything crossed for you that you receive good news.

I'm aghast at that message from your friend. What is she usually like? This is either the clumsiest attempt at comforting someone I've ever witnessed (as though she's trying to minimise the situation to make you feel not as scared) or she's extremely self-centred and has a real cruel streak. Either way, I think I'd probably put her to the back of my mind and look elsewhere for support. Do you have family who can be there for you?

Whatmarbles · 29/01/2023 11:49

Sorry to hear about your little boy, I hope tomorrow brings some answers as to what you are dealing with.

Your friend? Seems an odd response. Maybe it is her way of playing down the seriousness of it. I wouldn't liken cancer to any of those medical issues.
Sometimes admitting you don't know what to say is better than waffling on.

Shelledwarrior · 29/01/2023 11:50

I’m so sorry to hear your child has a cancer diagnosis! I’ll be thinking of you both and fingers crossed for a positive outcome. (((Hug)))
Well she’s a gem isn’t she… I’m going to be generous and assume she didn’t cope with the news very well and was trying to minimise it in an attempt to be supportive. But it was a misjudged comment.
To be honest, I think it’s is only natural to be very, very anxious whenever a cancer diagnosis is made, but always seems to a particularly cruel when children have one and in my mind it’s on a completely different level to most childhood issues. She needs to get a grip and be a bit more supportive.

boatyroo · 29/01/2023 11:50

Those things are not the same at all. My child has some medical issues like she has mentioned but I would never never compare that with a cancer diagnosis.
You know your friend best and if she really is an insensitive idiot, or if she was clumsily trying to reassure you somehow.

WaltzingWaters · 29/01/2023 11:50

I’m so sorry and I wish you all the best. I couldn’t imagine being in that situation. Good luck for tomorrow, I really hope everything goes well and it’s as minimal as possible.

Your friend sounds like a dick and was majorly insensitive. Maybe she was trying to make light of it to try and help you stop worrying, but it’s not at all what you need right now.

drpet49 · 29/01/2023 11:50

BoringLittleMe · 29/01/2023 11:44

I don't, but I think your "best friend" is being horribly insensitive and I'd be rethinking my relationship with her.

This. I can’t believe your stupid best friend said this. What a dick.

SweetSakura · 29/01/2023 11:51

Does your friend have a habit of being really insensitive/thoughtless?

Lkydfju · 29/01/2023 11:52

I’m very sorry for what’s happened; she is not a good friend

Triffid1 · 29/01/2023 11:52

Oo, I suspect she is TRYING to be helpful and optimistic. But its insensitive and dumb. I am so sorry.

Good luck tomorrow! You must be very worried.

Sirzy · 29/01/2023 11:53

Your friend is at best insensitive. At the moment what others are going through is irrelevant and she should be focusing on supporting you.

i am fortunate never to have been in your position. I have been in the position of having a seriously ill child so have some idea of the worry you must be facing. I hope the news is as positive as it can be.

blebbleb · 29/01/2023 11:54

Maybe she was trying to be helpful but it came across as very blind and insensitive. I hope tomorrow goes well.

BrookeDavisQueen · 29/01/2023 11:54

I'm really sorry you're having to go through this - sending you all the best wishes.

What your friend may have, clumsily, been trying to say is that survival rates for cancer are so much better now that for many forms it's not the scary disease that it used to be. People can often react clumsily, we're not a nation that's good at knowing instinctively what to say or do. Focus on what you need, if she becomes the friend you need then that's brilliant. If not it's a different kind of friendship, but don't focus on it now - it's not your priority.

gogohmm · 29/01/2023 11:54

I'm in two minds, in a way she sounds like she isn't grasping the potential severity of the situation on the other hand she isn't wrong, many people are dealing with medical situations and it's not top trumps, a highly treatable cancer isn't necessarily as serious as some other conditions with no treatment just because it has the cancer label.

Some people would like her approach, we know what we are dealing with, treatment is highly effective so let's get on with life, others would be highly offended

Candleabra · 29/01/2023 11:55

So sorry to hear this. What a terrible response from your best friend. I have no words.

notsurewherenotsurewhy · 29/01/2023 11:55

Odd and stupid thing to say, but unless she has form for being a prat I wouldn't reevaluate the friendship based on this. Maybe she just said something clumsy in an attempt to help you feel more optimistic?!

FWIW my children have variously had 'respiratory issues' (asthma) and an autoimmune disease (psoriasis) involving significant discomfort and an uncertain prognosis. I don't think these are remotely comparable to cancer! And nor are the others she mentioned - hip dysplasia FFS.

BlackeyedSusan · 29/01/2023 11:56

bloody hell, some people (your so called friend) has all the sensitivity of a brick through a plate glass window.

good luck to you for tomorrow. It is a bloody great big worry for you.