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Original poster

Do you and your partner share a bed?

140 replies

NCTDN · 28/01/2023 23:11

So this week dh has been poorly so I've slept in the spare bed so that we both have a chance of getting some sleep. The problem is that I'm quite happy and could stay like this.
Is that really bad? I'm going through the menopause and have no interest in anything physical which probably is influencing my opinion atm, but how normal is this?

OP posts:
moostermum · 29/01/2023 16:51

We used to, married 13 years but I'm 44 and suspect peri menopausal so we start in 'our' bed but if i can't sleep after 1/2 hour, I go in spare bed. Not a problem for us

StopGrowingPlease · 29/01/2023 16:55

Me, dp and 17 month old ds share a king sized bed.

LBOCS2 · 29/01/2023 17:00

About half the time. We have very different sleep patterns (he'd ideally sleep from 9pm-5am, my ideal is 1am-9am), we both snore and we both have quite stressful jobs which can occasionally lead to disrupted sleep. So some of the week he sleeps in the spare bedroom.

We're in our late 30s, past the disrupted nights with small children, and it doesn't impact our sex life. It just means a couple of nights a week we get much better quality sleep!

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shockedballoon · 29/01/2023 17:05

Mostly we do. But as we just have 1DC and a 3 bed semi, we have the luxury of a spare room, I'll often sleep there if one of us has a bit of a cold or something and therefore more likely to snore, or if one of us is going to be back late or going to bed late for some reason. Also if DH is planning on getting in work particularly early on Saturday (I don't work Saturday) and I fancy a bit more of a lie in.

Probably together about 75% of the time, though this has hugely dropped over Xmas/Jan as we've been tag-teaming serial rotten colds!

AnotherWeekAnotherNamechange · 29/01/2023 17:15

We made the decision not to early on in our relationship (together 20 years now), after DP had a night seizure and gave me a black eye.

gogohmm · 29/01/2023 17:16

Yes, it is the best bit of the day

SquigglePigs · 29/01/2023 17:25

Yes, we have separate rooms. We've been married 10 years and have been sleeping in separate rooms for 12! He "moved back in" when we had a newborn so we could share night duties but otherwise separate. DH snores and I'm a light sleeper. I also have issues now with my back and hips since I had DD so I toss and turn a fair bit. We're both happier if I get a decent nights sleep!

For those of you saying no one you know sleeps in separate beds - we share if we stay away, at other peoples houses etc for ease and I wear earplugs, so it may be people do and you just don't know! I find my ears ache if I wear earplugs for more than a few days in a row so it's ok for short trips but not a long term solution.

IncompleteSenten · 29/01/2023 17:28

No
We don't share a room.
I have medical equipment that makes noise and he's a light sleeper but honestly, I wouldn't go back to sharing a bed even if we could.

We sleep so much better in separate rooms.

DragonflyLady · 29/01/2023 17:29

Nope. I’d be quite happy to never share my bed with him again tbh.

Ilovelurchers · 29/01/2023 17:35

We do - I like sex and cuddles! Not saying people who sleep apart don't have these - but slightly more effort needed to access them I guess ....

I have lived with 5 different men (at different times - I am not Snow White!) and only one did I stop sharing a room with. That was his choice - he said it was because he was a poor sleeper and I got up much earlier than him for work, but actually I think it was more of a control thing. Our sex-life nose-dived anyway and we split up soon after...

I do know some RL couples it works for tho - my brother and his partner are one of the happiest couples I know and not only do they not share a bed, they actually have two houses! (Lucky them to afford this I know, AND they are child free).

Conversely, I know at least two couples where there has been no sex for years, at least one party wants to split up, yet they still share a room. Now that I couldn't stand. Couldn't share a bed with someone I effectively just house-shared with....

MajorCarolDanvers · 29/01/2023 17:36

No we have separate rooms. It's great.

MajorCarolDanvers · 29/01/2023 17:38

Lolarosemama · 29/01/2023 00:55

Intrigued to know how it affects sex life of those who don’t share a bed?

We often don't make it up the stairs for sex but when we do we depart to our own rooms afterwards, or for snacks.

Proudofitbabe · 29/01/2023 17:42

Yes, bedtime is very much a "together" activity here. That said if DH was one of those crazy loud warthog snorers I wouldn't think twice about kicking him out. Easy-access sex ain't worth that!

OutForBreakfast · 29/01/2023 18:17

MajorCarolDanvers · 29/01/2023 17:38

We often don't make it up the stairs for sex but when we do we depart to our own rooms afterwards, or for snacks.

Show quote history

You obviously do not have kids!

OutForBreakfast · 29/01/2023 18:20

@SquigglePigs Most people I know well have a 3 or 4 bedroom house, have children sleeping in certain rooms, maybe a study. With people I do not know so well - so have never been to their house - I agree i do not know as it does not come up.

Vinomummyinlockdown · 29/01/2023 18:33

Own room here 👏👋🤩🤩🤩🤩 Due to his awful snoring and my health issues we don’t share a bed. Best thing ever! You can always get intimate still … and then retreat to your own sanctuary! Amen. I love it and won’t go back. Own bathroom too 🙏

Lolarosemama · 29/01/2023 18:33

OutForBreakfast · 29/01/2023 18:17

You obviously do not have kids!

Show quote history

😂 my thoughts precisely, I guess that’s mainly why I asked as that’s the angle I’m coming from!

FinallyHere · 29/01/2023 20:41

I'm the snorer in our relationship. I would love separate rooms but DH hates the idea. Our compromise is for us to share a super king bed with a double duvet each and for me to have a 'dressing room' which I keep immaculately tidy which gladdens my heart.

Relaxd · 29/01/2023 20:52

A mix. Sometimes we sleep in same room, sometimes one of us slips off to our spare room if going to be up really early the next day. Those who say it’s a slippery slope don’t probably know what they’re talking about. We’re happy, fancy each other etc etc. I’m not really sure why it’s a matter for anyone else!

DelilahBucket · 29/01/2023 21:00

We don't currently. DH is awaiting surgery for his deviated septum which causes awful snoring. For the sake of my sanity we're separate for now but it isn't permanent. Unfortunately he's been waiting for the surgery since September 2020!! He's finally got a consultation in a week.

Suzi888 · 29/01/2023 21:01

We share. Have an emperor bed, but I rather be on my own. Occasionally DD gets in and DH (and his snoring) leaves! I feel the cold (mostly) he doesn’t.

We get up and go to bed at different times and I’m a light sleeper, he’s not exactly heavy. But he think it’s a “slippery slope” if we sleep apart.

I disagree, my aunt and uncle are devoted to each other, married since age 19 and 87 now. Separate beds!

nca89 · 29/01/2023 21:01

We have a super king and I wear ear plugs just because I can't stand so much as the sound of breathing, I have to wear them most nights even if he's working away. I would hate to not sleep with DH, it's important to me, that said, sleep is more important so if he was disturbing my sleep I would be prioritising that!

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 29/01/2023 21:07

I'd love my own room to be honest

43 peri menopausal and no fussed about sex at all can't think of anything worse!!!

AuntyMabelandPippin · 29/01/2023 21:08

Been together over forty years and sleep in a superking sized bed together.

I'd miss the cuddles as we drop off to sleep.

ehb102 · 29/01/2023 21:09

The dirty secret of post children middle age!