Do you and your partner share a bed?

[NCTDN]

So this week dh has been poorly so I've slept in the spare bed so that we both have a chance of getting some sleep. The problem is that I'm quite happy and could stay like this.
Is that really bad? I'm going through the menopause and have no interest in anything physical which probably is influencing my opinion atm, but how normal is this?

No, married 35 years and love having my own bedroom & a 6ft bed to myself. I am wide awake now & I can put the light on, read, get up & have a drink etc with our worrying that I am disturbing my DH. I used to seethe with resentment when we shared a bed - too hot, too cold, window open / closed, the tediousness of being awake but not wanting to get up in case I 'disturbed' DH. And that's before any snoring or too much physical contact. I want to be on my own .. have no need for lying next to a lump of flesh even if it is my own DH .
Its a real issue going away though .. we usually book self catering if we go away so we can have separate bedrooms or twin beds if we absolutely have to share a room - or just don't go away.

I just can't relate to going to bed at the same time either ... are you genuinely tired at the same time?

I started a similar thread about this a few months ago. I'm currently pregnant and throughout my pregnancy (particularly towards the latter stages), DH and I have slept separately. I was worried about how this would impact on our relationship but actually, we both sleep better and are so much happier!

The odd few nights we have given it a go sharing a bed again and I've ended up sneaking out part way through the night to go back to the spare room so god knows how or if I'll go back to sharing with him after my pregnancy 😂

He snores, he fidgets and he takes up so much space in a bed. When I don't sleep with him, I don't wake up pissed off at him!

Only peasants share beds.

Apparently. We share but once some kids move out one day..... maybe not...

No we don't , he snores I'm an insomniac, if I do sleep I'm a very light sleeper.
It's NOT a slippery slope ( to what anyway?)

You can still have sex if you sleep separately.

Yes, but we recently stopped for a few nights as he had covid and I’m pregnant. I slept much, much better - I was surprised!

Yes, we do. And at the same time. There isn't any intimacy - haven't' had sex for 11 years because of his medical issues. But we like to snuggle up and talk about anything and everything. It's a good time to feel close in every way. My parents never slept together and although they said they preferred it, I always thought it was a bit impersonal to just head off to another room every night.

We share but one of us will always vacate to the spare room if the other isn’t well, both because we want to avoid infecting each other and because we don’t want to be kept awake by coughing, sneezing etc.

We slept apart for 7 months when DD was a baby and co-sleeping with me. It became normal super quickly and I can see the advantages but I love the chatting before sleep, it gives us an opportunity to catch up after quite separate days, and I like having a cuddle in the evening and mornings.

Pre kids we always went to bed at the same time and I do prefer that, it feels more “together” and we talked more. However, with pregnancies and small children I’ve been much more tired than DH so for now I almost always go to bed before him.

We share a bed and usually go to bed together. However if one of us is poorly the other goes to the spare room. If my partner is out for the evening he goes to the spare room - snoring and beer smells piss me off so it's kinder for all that he goes in the spare room 😉

Not normal for you maybe. There’s no rule to say you have to share a bed. It’s just customary.

It doesn't, we have sex during the day. Lots of people on this thread must only have sex at bedtime or very early morning.

I know! A slippery slope to what? A really good night's sleep? Oh no, the horror!

Same here. I’d be really upset and quite hurt if he decided to sleep elsewhere.

No, we don't share a bed and haven't, very happily for about15 years! It's bliss! We are in love, we are intimate, we are great friends but we are not compatible sleepers - so why share a bed? I am so glad we are not one of those couples who can only function 'as one' - I find this very odd. We go to bed whenever we want to, have the window open/closed to suit each of us, go to the loo in the night without worrying about disturbing the other etc. Restful, calm, relaxing sleep is absolutely vital for good health and happiness and not to be compromised just to fulfil a stereotype that we 'ought' to sleep together and can't possibly have a good relationship if we don't. It's different for each couple and you must do what works for you!

We have 2 single beds next to each other. We are both light sleepers so were waking each other up with every toss and turn, even in a king size bed. We have separate duvets too. We sleep so much better. Intimacy is better now we are not both so tired.

We haven’t shared a bed for 2 years. It started when DH had Covid and we carried on as we realised we both sleep better. I’m peri-menopausal and DH twitches.

I’ve never liked bedtime sex, so it hasn’t affected that.

There still seems to be a stigma attached to it though. I once told my 76 year old mum we sometimes sleep apart and she was horrified and even hinted that there must be something wrong with our relationship.

No mum,we still have sex, still sleep in the same bed most nights but sometimes we just love to get a good night's sleep. It's really that simple.

We always sleep in the same bed unless someone is ill, but I feel like we are quite unusual amongst my group of mid-40s friends. Many say they don't share now due to snoring, bad sleep etc.

You don't have to wait til bedtime to have sex, you also don't have to be in bed.

I need DH to put my cold feet on to warm them up.

Separate rooms is the best.

Yes we share unless somebody is ill. Sometimes if one of us is out late without the other and don't want to wake them, will sleep in the spare bed. But as a general rule, yes.

We've been together over 40 years. When DC were babies we ended up in separate rooms with a child each for a couple of years.
Other than that when one is ill or cannot sleep. I always keep the spare room madein case one of us wants it.
We haven't slept in the same bed for the last month as first he was ill and then me.
On balance I prefer my own bed.

We start off in the same bed every night, and sometimes stay there all night. Fairly often I'll wake up in the night and move to the spare room, as I like to turn on the light and read for a bit to get back to sleep.