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Original poster

some teens are perfect?

105 replies

carnation459 · 28/01/2023 09:22

out for a drink with friends last night.
I mentioned in passing that my 12 year old seems to be going through some stuff which is tricky, here come the teen hormones etc and friend said:

"oh mine was delightful. All the way through she was nothing but lovely and never gave me a single problem".

I mean, I guess this is possible.
It wasn't the most supportive comment on the heels of my needing a little supportive nod perhaps.
Surely pre teen/teenage girls (and boys) all have their moments? Don't they? Is it possible to go right the way through with no drama, no pushback against parents, no arguments, no rebellion?

OP posts:
Sublimeursula · 28/01/2023 09:25

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Original poster
carnation459 · 28/01/2023 09:28

15 year friendship, fairly close. She does kind of have form for being very buttoned up about things, which is her choice, no need to share personal stuff if you don't want.
It did make me wonder at her timing when I was mid chat about my teenage hormone situation!

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Sublimeursula · 28/01/2023 09:29

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12 year olds
Sublimeursula · 28/01/2023 09:31

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RewildingAmbridge · 28/01/2023 09:32

Some parents think that, my parents would tell you I never got myself into any situations, was well behaved etc, they don't know the half of it!

MissWings · 28/01/2023 09:33

No my 13 year son doesn’t even have moments. He gets on with his school work, is polite and chatty to be around and very compliant. Has a good set of mates and is off skiing soon with the school, also loves his football and sport.

My 11 year is old daughter is good too but she absolutely does have her moments and I am 99 percent sure will have many, many more to come when she starts secondary. This isn’t a boy/girl split thing it’s just temperament. I never gave my mum any moments to be honest but my sister did.

Don’t beat yourself up some kids are just more testing my sons always been compliant it’s just part of his make up.

otherwayup · 28/01/2023 09:34

My teen ds is pretty much no bother and incredibly easy to parent compared to what my friends are experiencing.
The difference is I'm not a dick and would never flaunt this in front of my friends when we get together!!

otherwayup · 28/01/2023 09:35

RewildingAmbridge · 28/01/2023 09:32

Some parents think that, my parents would tell you I never got myself into any situations, was well behaved etc, they don't know the half of it!

My parents are in the 70s and although my brother & I weren't the easiest of teens, they're still 'so proud' that we never took drugs 😳😬

randomuser2019 · 28/01/2023 09:36

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familyissues12345 · 28/01/2023 09:37

My eldest was a nightmare child up until 12, but has been a delightful teenager. I feel so lucky with him, so there are some nice ones out there.

Youngest is only 14 so still time for him to rebel, I'd be amazed though as it would be incredibly out of nature for him (he hates being in trouble) but who knows what will happen over the next few years...

Currently touching wood... Grin

PrincessPaloma · 28/01/2023 09:37

Ha! It sounds a bit like when they are babies not sleeping through the night, and someone has a child who sleeps from 7pm-8am with no sleep training. Yeah they can fuck off! Just ignore her op! My 12 year old definitely has his moments. It's perfectly normal.

Anotheanon · 28/01/2023 09:37

It is possible. My 22 yo has caused issues but my 18 yo is an absolute delight. She enjoys socialising and drinking but is sensible and works hard and is such good company.
You are right though, she was being very thoughtless.

DowntonCrabby · 28/01/2023 09:39

We have one of these, she’s 18 and has been zero trouble to parent and is a complete delight.

We also have a 10 year old, whom I imagine will quite simply crap all over our smug “parents of perfect teen” identity.

PrincessPaloma · 28/01/2023 09:39

Also, people who always do everything they see told without question are really quite odd in my opinion!

Hoppinggreen · 28/01/2023 09:40

People who see DD think she’s perfect, everyone’s parents love her and all the mums of boys I know well wish their sons had a GF as lovely. Clever, polite, sweet, tidy, helpful, pretty etc etc etc
However, they don’t see her crippling anxiety or self harm scars
People don’t really know what goes on beneath the surface.

Liorae · 28/01/2023 09:40

Not all teens are assholes. It depends on how much nasty behavior they have been taught they can get away with.

Spendonsend · 28/01/2023 09:41

My eldest teen is perfect but he carries the weight of being a young carer and it actually makes me feel quite sad. He doesnt want to add to the family troubles so he just gets on with everything. Im sure he will need counselling when he is older.

MissWings · 28/01/2023 09:41

@PrincessPaloma

I know what you mean it can verge into people pleasing. I worry about this with my son I am always telling him to do what he wants to do and that his needs count/are important etc. I do worry he will be overly compliant. He’s just always been so laid back even as a baby. Some kids are just like that though, it’s not because they’re scared. Although I appreciate being too compliant could be a red flag.

PuttingDownRoots · 28/01/2023 09:43

My nearly 12yo... which everyone thinks is delightful and generally incapable of bad behaviour...

Threw a tantrum yesterday over who sat where in the car.

They all have their moments.

Your friend was very insensitive.. or covering something

AliMonkey · 28/01/2023 09:43

My DD is pretty perfect - hard-working, clean-living, polite, helpful - with no more annoyances than you might get with anyone you live with eg occasionally forgets to take her glass to the kitchen or interrupts me when I’m trying to do something else. But whilst I’d be truthful if asked (and in an anonymous forum!) I wouldn’t say it like that to a friend. I probably do quite often comment though that we’ve had an easy ride with DD compared to DS who is frequently grumpy, thoughtless and lazy.

MotherofKitties · 28/01/2023 09:43

OP there's no such thing as a perfect teen just like there's no such thing as a perfect t child or a perfect adult.

I worked hard at school, didn't do drugs, rarely drank and was inherently sensible about boys. But I still had screaming rows with my parents, fell out with my friends and was a grumpy cow for most of my teenage years. Every teen has their moments and the best thing you can do yours is make sure they know that you're there for them and will listen to their problems without judgement x

CrapBucket · 28/01/2023 09:45

Perfect teenager is a myth. No one is perfect at any age!!

I know many teenagers, they've all been affected massively by covid disruption and now COL. No one is having an easy time of it. I have to bite my tongue with older generations advice as its all bullshit now. Even if your own child is in a good phase, they will have friends who aren't, their teachers are broken, their parents are stressed, etc etc.

DinaofCloud9 · 28/01/2023 09:46

DS1 who's now 20 was like this. So constantly cheerful and easy going. He never gave me a moments worry.

DS2 is not the same haha.

StrawberryMuffins · 28/01/2023 09:48

I don't think "all" teens are anything. There will be some who don't push back. There will be many who don't fulfil the cliches. Some measure of pushing back is healthy. Those who don't may be uber-"good" but have some other issues like lack of confidence.

It's a complete non sequitur though. You said you were struggling with your teen, it's completely irrelevant whether another one somewhere else in the world has been fine. It doesn't negate your experience or mean you are doing it wrong.

I expect your friend is just very interested in her own children and unconsciously responded with reference to them because there was a glimmer of an opportunity, without stopping to think whether it was helpful or kind.

StillMedusa · 28/01/2023 09:48

Maybe she's lucky. Maybe she hasn't had any difficulties YET, or maybe she just doesn't know as much about her teen's life as she thinks she does!!!

I had three reasonable ones (yes they did some stupid stuff but nothing too worrying) and one absolute hell raising nightmare. Same parenting, just different personalities. They are all nice adults now !