I'm sure 15 ds has inattentive ADHD and his life is ruined

[Ohthebanality]

Ds is 15, has always struggled at school, organising his things, his homework, not doing homework, not remembering stuff. Losing things constantly. Remembering passwords for educake and teams has been a nightmare. I have to do a lot for him, helping him to be organised. Teachers always say how lovely and well behaved he is, how engaged he is in class. He goes to a very big school. I've raised concerns with school lots of times, I'm worried that at home when trying to homework, he just hasn't got a clue what he's doing and can't seem to remember anything he's learnt.
His mock exam results for December were awful, 1s and 2s. Last year his estimated grades were 3s and 4s. He has no clue what he wants to do in September. I think he would be happy to stay in his room forever and not go out. He is also very withdrawn socially and doesn't see friends or talk to them out of school. He used to.
We were told by the teacher we saw this week that he must revise an hour a day at least. I tried to explain that he can't revise, can't organise himself.
I have basically had to sit down with him and find myself trying to teach him the stuff myself.
I have mental health problems myself and was told I fit the criteria for autism last year. Straightaway I thought of DS. He has been referred for an autism assessment. But now I'm sure it is also or ADHD. But it's too late now for him, in his final year and poor GCSEs?
I'm distraught to be honest but don't know if I'm overreacting.

My ds was diagnosed with inattentive adhd at 15. We had no idea, his school had no idea, no one has suggested it prior to him seeing a shrink at 15, she spotted it straight away. Oh and he is a high achiever, A student, quiet and polite so wasn't diagnosed as an 'excuse' for anything.

@Ohthebanality it may take him/you time to figure out where he fits. That’s okay.

People who suffer with ADHD are often very bright.

You can't get adhd medication if you aren't diagnosed with adhd.

😂

Are you intentionally trying to be funny? Or are you just ignorant?

There is great medication for this and he'll need to be checked regularly so they can adjust the meds for him.

Seeing a good psychologist helps a lot too

Breaks in exams could be arranged if extra time isn’t possible.

You can get him diagnosed privately so he won't have to wait so long for meds

He is doing engineering and construction at GCSE. He struggled for ages to file some wood down. He just couldn't do it and he was worried and told me. He also struggles with things like wires, connecting a device to a TV for instance. He just doesnt seem to have the aptitude for that sort of thing. His reading is good though. And teachers have said he can come across as intelligent and insightful in class.

Hi OP.

please don’t panic. I was a bit like this too. Finally Diagnosed with dyslexia in my 40s. The PP who said he can just take the scenic route is absolutely correct.

focus on his (and your) mental well-being. All is not lost by a long way.

His life isn't ruined. I have autism and inattentive ADHD.

All of my qualifications have been reached later than my peers - but I still got them! I had a GCSE E in Maths (my parents never helped me revise either!) and yet, a BSc in Computer Science!

Don't give up on him. He'll notice. My mum gave up on me. She never said anything to my face but I could just tell she was disappointed.

My bestie is a National Trust Head Gardener. He also has inattentive ADHD and is awful at formal exams. He earns very well and loves his job.

There's something for everyone!

Maybe help him find his thing (people with ADHD need to find the thing they're obsessed about - and then use their hyperfocus to succeed!!)

Has he tried Omega 3 capsules? Lots of people with inattentive ADHD find cod liver oil capsules help them focus!

They work wonders for me. I can go from not being able to get up in the morning to running 5k!

@Balemyking yes I want him to find his thing! He does love gaming. But struggles on the computer sometimes doing Word and stuff.

I wasn't diagnosed until my late 20s, iterally noone noticed because I was bright and managed to fudge my way successfully through life at the expense of my mental health. If you have ADHD, you can't force yourself to concentrate, there's no "try harder" about it (often the harder I try the more I fuck things up from the pressure). Inattentive ADHD often isn't spotted until later because they're quiet/ we'll behaved kids so they must be fine. It may not be ADHD, but it also may be, it can't hurt for OP's ds to be assessed (or research coping strategies that he can use regardless).

@Balemyking can I ask what strength Omega 3 you take? I'd like to give this a go! I've been trying L-theanine but I don't think it does anything for me.

@Balemyking I was giving him Omega 3 capsules in primary, he was really anxious and stressed and pulling out his hair 😐. They did help with that. I'm going to try them again now though.

@barneshome my Dd was deemed a "failure" at both school and university.

She was so envious of the genius/gifted and talented kids.

Turns out she she might be scatty and struggle but she was the first of her year to get a brilliant graduate job and is now self employed.

Sadly both her envied primary school genuses are floundering post education.

I don't see genius as a badge of honour, in reality I think most genuses are not NT either but in a different way.

I actually take Omega 3 myself, it does help a bit, I was much worse before taking them.

What does he like to do?

Is he a gamer or an outdoor person? Does he like cooking or physical stuff. Is he arty? When is he at his happiest and calmest?

'Inattentive ADHD often isn't spotted until later because they're quiet/ we'll behaved kids so they must be fine.' I really think this is the crux of it, he is quiet and lovely natured at school. Even I associate ADHD with hyperactivity and bad behaviour. I don't understand though as I have a few conversations with Senco at school about autism, and this has never been suggested or mentioned.

You might want post on SEN chat. You can apply for an education health and care plan - if you get one he can stay in state funded education up to 25 with additional support. Even if you don’t get one the Govt funds 3 years of sixth form so this allows for retakes (although your benefits will be affected once he’s 18). Look at IPSEA website. there are alternatives to school especially from 16+ and time to sit exams he needs. You can also ask council and school for education psychologist assessment now. They can do some testing on IQ and processing speed etc If an EHC assessment is refused you can appeal. If you are eligible for legal aid you can get reports funded by legal aid for an appeal. Look at local offer pages on council website for Sen advice and support and post 16 options. There are entry levels, vocational qualifications, supported apprenticeships. Not doing GCSEs isn’t the end. The first step is probably to cut the number of gcse subjects and concentrate on English and maths. He should be able to have extra English and maths in place of other subjects. An ehc plan can also include support with social skills, life skills, transport training and buddy/mentor (sometimes this is via social care). You need to apply for ehc assessment now as once he’s post 16 although councils are supposed to make sure stay in education or training in reality they don’t try that hard.

It's not the most important year of his life. Certainly not if it's GCSE's that you are referring to. They can be taken (and retaken) at any age. And they're not the be all and end all either.

Push for the support he needs with school and the referral. Focus on his friendships and mental health - far more important than some exams which can be picked up again when the support is in place.

I take these ones but I'm sure you can get similar in Holland and Barrett

www.healthspan.co.uk/shop/super-strength-omega-3-1200mg/120-capsules/

@MintJulia He is very much a gamer and an indoor person. He also loves watching YouTubers who post about gaming and will spend hours watching them. He actually has a bike I bought him to encourage him to get out and exercise, and he just doesnt enjoy riding it at all. He is bit of a mystery to me sometimes.

@JJ8765 Thanks, an EHC assessment, I will mention that to school when they ring me back later. He's 16 in June so need to get a move on? This hasnt been mentioned before but I will look into it. And am going to ring GP to refer him for ADHD.