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Original poster

School incident - with 11 year old

111 replies

Fentylipgloss · 25/01/2023 22:47

A friend of mine, her little boy who started year 7 was subjected to a horrible situation today.

He went to use the loo and the urinals were all being used so he went into a toilet but there was no lock. While he was peeing, 5 or 6 year 10s came in, they pushed his door and he was trying to keep it shut but it hit hit him in the face giving him a fat lip, then he noticed there was 3 lads taking pics or video from above in the next door toilet.

This kid is traumatised, he's already an anxious little thing.

The school knew who it was cause there's cctv cameras everywhere. They've been spoken to, had their phones checked and there was no 'evidence', their punishment is going to be a detention as apparently and I quote the headmistress, "they are really nice boys". Not that nice to be wanting to catch on camera a little boy peeing.

What my friend is worried about is that it's gone straight on WhatsApp or Snapchat.

As of right now, her son doesn't want to go back to school, or get on the school bus.

What would you do?
Would you go in and speak to the head?
Insist on a more harsh punishment?

This kind of behaviour is utterly unacceptable. I can't advise her because I would be that parent who acts first and thinks later where my son is concerned.

OP posts:
FlairBand · 25/01/2023 22:49

I would be in like a flash. That’s awful I hope he can find a way to get some confidence bsck

Yorkshiregold · 25/01/2023 22:52

Straight to the head, demanding action. There are a group of yr 10/11s who loiter in/around yr 7 toilets at ds school. I have spoken to the head about it as a lot of the yr7s won’t go to the toilet at school as they’re a bit scared.

Agreed, they are not nice boys at all. Hope your friend gets this sorted.

Slobbet · 25/01/2023 22:53

I would go to the police if I wasn’t happy with the punishment

MynameisJune · 25/01/2023 22:54

If they’ve put video of him on WhatsApp/Snapchat then I’d inform the police that they’re sharing child abuse images and let them deal with it.

vintagechristmas · 25/01/2023 22:54

Poor little boy Flowers

I'm SLT in a secondary school and the way it's been dealt with is appalling. This is pure exclusion territory.

Mum needs to go in and raise merry hell. This is a massive safeguarding issue, videoing a minor in a vulnerable state of undress, not to mention a physical assault. I'd also report it to police and inform the school I'd done so.

The boy needs real support coming back to school, toilet pass, ability to use disabled toilets and not cubicle if that's what he would like.

Your post has made me so sad and cross that's it's been dealt with like this.

WeepingSomnambulist · 25/01/2023 22:55

I'd call the police. I know it is extreme and it is always the answer on mumsnet but I'm fully starting to believe that anything involving older boys in school doing anything deviant should result in a call to the police.
It needs to be taken seriously. They need to get a proper fright that their behaviour has caused a police visit. It needs to be challenged and they need to be educated and the schools need to learn that they have to sort behaviour out because lip service doesnt fly anymore.

Annoyingwurringnoise · 25/01/2023 22:55

Nice boys are they? I’d be hitting the fucking roof if I was that child’s mother. I’d be escalating a complaint to the governors and telling them I’d be reporting to OFSTED as a safeguarding concern.

clpsmum · 25/01/2023 22:55

I'd be Informjng the police immediately I'm afraid. They are not 'nice boys' to do that

MichelleScarn · 25/01/2023 22:57

Agree re police. That's appalling. Poor boy.

Original poster
Fentylipgloss · 25/01/2023 22:57

@MynameisJune

We can't find out if it is on WhatsApp
Or Snapchat. It was only speculation as to what else would they do with the pic/video?

If it's made it's way onto the year 10
WhatsApp group, it would only be a matter of time before it made its way to other year groups, as for SC we have no way of knowing.

My friend is beside herself with worry, anxiety, anger...

OP posts:
Princesspollyyy · 25/01/2023 23:02

I doubt the boys would have shared anything on WhatsApp or Snapchat, they would not want to be caught sharing pictures of a Y7 peeing, it's would be a police matter, and very serious.

I can see how anxious the boy will be now, it's horrible.

MynameisJune · 25/01/2023 23:02

Fentylipgloss · 25/01/2023 22:57

@MynameisJune

We can't find out if it is on WhatsApp
Or Snapchat. It was only speculation as to what else would they do with the pic/video?

If it's made it's way onto the year 10
WhatsApp group, it would only be a matter of time before it made its way to other year groups, as for SC we have no way of knowing.

My friend is beside herself with worry, anxiety, anger...

Unfortunately knowing the type of person who does this they’ll have shared it somewhere. I’d be concerned about how thoroughly their phones were checked considering kids are probably more tech savvy than their teachers.

If she doesn’t want to report to the police I would ring 101 and explain the situation and get their advice.

MynameisJune · 25/01/2023 23:04

Princesspollyyy · 25/01/2023 23:02

I doubt the boys would have shared anything on WhatsApp or Snapchat, they would not want to be caught sharing pictures of a Y7 peeing, it's would be a police matter, and very serious.

I can see how anxious the boy will be now, it's horrible.

Do you really think boys like this think these things through to this level and then decide against it? After being okay filming him? Why film it if they were just planning to delete it and not share it/show others?

Original poster
Fentylipgloss · 25/01/2023 23:06

If they had used SC to record or take the pic, I believe those videos disappear after a certain amount of time however someone else in the school could have saved it. Please someone correct me if I am wrong, I'm late 40s so not really aware of how it works.

OP posts:
MynameisJune · 25/01/2023 23:08

Fentylipgloss · 25/01/2023 23:06

If they had used SC to record or take the pic, I believe those videos disappear after a certain amount of time however someone else in the school could have saved it. Please someone correct me if I am wrong, I'm late 40s so not really aware of how it works.

I think it depends on the settings but yes generally on SC they disappear unless someone else has saved it before that happens.

I’d have wanted confirmation that theirs phones deleted media folder was also checked plus any storage apps that it could have been uploaded to.

bellswithwhistles · 25/01/2023 23:09

vintagechristmas · 25/01/2023 22:54

Poor little boy Flowers

I'm SLT in a secondary school and the way it's been dealt with is appalling. This is pure exclusion territory.

Mum needs to go in and raise merry hell. This is a massive safeguarding issue, videoing a minor in a vulnerable state of undress, not to mention a physical assault. I'd also report it to police and inform the school I'd done so.

The boy needs real support coming back to school, toilet pass, ability to use disabled toilets and not cubicle if that's what he would like.

Your post has made me so sad and cross that's it's been dealt with like this.

^ THIS.

Thank god there is a at least one secondary school that would deal with this properly! Thank you.

Utter little shits.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 25/01/2023 23:09

I am so sickened by the heads response!!!

If that was my boy I'd be apoplectic.

I would refer your friend to this document, prepared by the nspcc. It is best practice guidance that schools can use to determine when the police should be called in after an incident at the school. If you look at page 5 it has a flowchart for when the school should call the police.

The fat lip ( a physical injury) and the fact that the boys were much older are both considered aggravating factors meaning the school should have called in the police.

If at all possible I would take this document with me tomorrow and ask why it has not been followed.

I would insist on the police. I would insist on the child being supported back into school and measures put in place so that he is not assaulted again.

I would also put in writing the heads response so far so there is a paper trail.

I would make it very clear to the head that if things were not delt with properly immediately, then a formal complaint about the head would be made to the board of governors and ofsted. That head would be having nightmares involving me for decades after the meeting.

LakeTiticaca · 25/01/2023 23:11

Police. Definitely

Namenic · 25/01/2023 23:14

i would take a picture of his injury to his lip and go to the police and seek advice from a lawyer. Even if no ‘evidence’ is found on their phones this is assault (plus doing this to a child in a vulnerable position in a toilet). I so sorry for the poor boy and his mum. This is a crime.

m00rfarm · 25/01/2023 23:17

Something similar happened to my son when he was in year 7 (some 10 years ago) - the school actually called me because MY son had retaliated as best he could (not much as he was very small for his age) and they wanted to give him detention. Another mother told me what her son had witnessed and I rang the school and advised them that if they did not confirm that they would exclude the students involved, then I would be calling the police within 30 minutes. They confirmed this within ten minutes and the students involved were excluded for a week. Too many schools think that children should just suck up this type of bullying. It is not acceptable and I am horrified it is STILL taking place. I would suggest at the very least you inform the school of your intentions, and be clear with them that "nice boys" do not behave this way and if they feel that this is appropriate, then not only will you be informing the police, but also OFSTED.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/01/2023 23:17

My friend is beside herself with worry, anxiety, anger...

But she hasn't reported it to anyone? Why not!?

Physical injury, sexual intimidation, bullying and filing it all? Report to the police as soon as possible.

I also can't believe that a school would have CCTV inside the toilets. You ned to move fast to identify the offenders and protect this little boy. He'll probably be picked on for a while now so his Mum needs to work out a strategy with the school.

Justmeandthedog1 · 25/01/2023 23:24

The punishment is inadequate. If the Head believes they’re “ nice boys” then a more severe punishment would be the wake up call they needed.
The nice kids I know wouldn’t film a younger child using the toilet.
In his mum’s place I’d complain to the Head, the governors, Ofsted and the police. The school’s duty is to protect its pupils, not decide that perpetrators are “nice”.

goingback · 25/01/2023 23:26

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy CCTV if inside will be on non private areas. My kids school installed CCTV after vandalism incidents and it points only at the door .

@Fentylipgloss your friend should definitely call the police and report. They need to be the parent their child needs right now.

Cuppasoupmonster · 25/01/2023 23:28

Has he got a scary dad/brother that could warn the boys off him?

GrantShappsAteMyBrain · 25/01/2023 23:29

Justmeandthedog1 · 25/01/2023 23:24

The punishment is inadequate. If the Head believes they’re “ nice boys” then a more severe punishment would be the wake up call they needed.
The nice kids I know wouldn’t film a younger child using the toilet.
In his mum’s place I’d complain to the Head, the governors, Ofsted and the police. The school’s duty is to protect its pupils, not decide that perpetrators are “nice”.

This. The poor little boy. I can't imagine what he and his mum must be going through at the Moment. I hope those kids will be dealt with. I shudder to think of the time when my kids enter secondary school if things like this happen.

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